OCCDAVE Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 to recap i went almost 2 years nc till i ran into my ex of 3 years.we made small talk and she proceded to blow my ph up the following week.i then was informed she was trying to make it work with her ex no biggie she said we can still be friends.i said thanks for the offer and started nc in that time she text me maybe 4 times i ignored each one.i then get a request from her on fb to add as a friend last night.i then get a text few mins ago saying are you honestly gonna ignore my friend request? guess i started up this mess by even talking but you got a bf why do you continue to text better yet care if i am on your fb
Mrlonelyone Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 She may just be trying to be friendly. You did share three years of your life. Unless it was a hell of a relationship most of that time was probably good right? You have both had two years to fully get over the breakup as well. She just does not want to have hard feelings. While you just want to be left alone. Why do people do this? I think to understand this ... try looking at it as if you both lived in a small town of 1000 people or less. People lived in small cities, towns... and further back tribal bands for most of our evolution. Humans had to have the social skills and maturity to deal with breaking up with lovers while still having them around. Thus when a relationship broke up our ancestors still had some level of contact with their exes. Indeed everyone depended for survival on everyone else in the group. So we had to still get along on a friendly basis. Those who could not ended up leaving the group and were less likely to survive. So people like your ex GF are motivated by an instinctive drive to maximize all their social contacts. They want to be liked, and to like other people because at some point you may help them in some way or the other (and vice versa).
Author OCCDAVE Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 so do i keep ignorning her or respond to her.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 After this much time... two years... I would respond. As long as it stays on a friendly level on both sides it should not be a problem. Your both in good new relationships. Your not enemies (are you). What is the harm in being nice to someone your not interested in?
rafallus Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I'd stay civil, but not make any real effort, unless there is something special about her now.
vsmini Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 After this much time... two years... I would respond. As long as it stays on a friendly level on both sides it should not be a problem. Your both in good new relationships. Your not enemies (are you). What is the harm in being nice to someone your not interested in? Because it could open up a whole floodgate of issues that's why. Look at how she's already behaving. If I wanted to be Just Friends with someone I wouldn't be calling them like crazy, texting, FB'ing them and then calling them asking why they won't add me as a friend. It happens naturally. Red flags all over this.
carhill Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Cheer's effect button pusher - what the OP posted Friend - Hi, OP, boy it's been a long time. I've been thinking about you. How is the family doing? Life been treating you well? Do share... The key is, generally, after the 'do share', they actually listen and are interested. That's what a friend does. With an ex, this is expanded to 'if the interest or response doesn't match up with what I find to be healthy, I have no significant emotional response to it', rather 'OK, that doesn't match up; next'. OP, your ex is fishing. What for, who knows? When you're in the water and those shiny interesting things are dancing around you, do you want to continue swimming or end up on the fillet board? Are you really that hungry? Up to you. Good luck
Author OCCDAVE Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Because it could open up a whole floodgate of issues that's why. Look at how she's already behaving. If I wanted to be Just Friends with someone I wouldn't be calling them like crazy, texting, FB'ing them and then calling them asking why they won't add me as a friend. It happens naturally. Red flags all over this. well thats thing texting has slowed down and no calls ever since she worked it out with her ex.i checked the fb i wont lie seems shes already in another relationship go figure.guess ill keep it civil the only thing that pissed me off if she asked about fb back when all that contact happen id say ya sure but instead of the blue no text just a request.
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