somedude81 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I hear you somedude. For me, I want the man that can control it better than others. Sounds like Daphne may as well. Eh, nothing I can really say about that. Newsflash, I'm very visual. I can control it. It's called respect. LOL, you think you know but you have no idea. Have you ever looked at a guy and your head was nothing but, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" and your eyes feel like they might actually bug out?
dispatch3d Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 This is so petty. Harping on a guy for checking out some girl. Get over it. Jesus. Aren't there more important things you look for in a guy, than "does he check out other women".
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I was having dinner with my wife last night in one of those "hip" downtown restaurants where the tables are like 2 inches apart from each other. So anyway the table next to us was obviously a young couple on a date. After we left my wife said that the guy at that table kept sideways glancing at her the entire time. Given that we were there for 2 hours that added up to a lot of staring.
somedude81 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 If you were on a date with a woman, and there was a very muscular well toned, attractive male was sitting at the table next to you. How would you feel if your date, whilst in a conversation with you took time to turn her head, look at the guy with her tongue hanging out. And not just once, but two, three, four times? What if you could tell that she was insanely attracted to this male? You would not be put off, even a bit? I wouldn't mind at all that she looked. Of course the tongue hanging out thing doesn't happen. What I would do is if I catch her continuing to look, I'd make a joke or a comment that would make her feel embarrassed. If she had half a brain she would stop.
Rinnix Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I wouldn't mind at all that she looked. Of course the tongue hanging out thing doesn't happen. What I would do is if I catch her continuing to look, I'd make a joke or a comment that would make her feel embarrassed. If she had half a brain she would stop. But by making a joke in order to get her to stop, just proves that you would be at least a bit bothered by it to begin with. .. I've had men (and women) look at me with those creepy tongue licking movements. It's not rare, trust me.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 like he WASN'T focused on the person sitting at his table speaking with him and on a date with him, he was focused on another girl. He basically said the the OP.. hang on a minute.. some hotter than you chick just walk by and I need to see it before we continue our conversation. That pretty much sums up how he handled it and how I felt. It took him a very long time to realize I had stopped talking and was uncomfortable, because he was too busy checking her out. I'm not interested in changing a guy. He can do what makes him happy. But he wont' do it at the expense of making me unhappy.
tigressA Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 That guy acted like an idiot. A brief look is fine. Continuous head-swiveling is highly disrespectful. Sorry this happened to you.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Phew, because if you said the second one, I'd be like...that boy be crazy! In all seriousness though, sorry your date turned out to be a perverted noob. Lol. Thanks. Me too. Ah well. I guess it happens to everyone.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I was having dinner with my wife last night in one of those "hip" downtown restaurants where the tables are like 2 inches apart from each other. So anyway the table next to us was obviously a young couple on a date. After we left my wife said that the guy at that table kept sideways glancing at her the entire time. Given that we were there for 2 hours that added up to a lot of staring. That's pretty bad. I know when a guy does it more than a casual glance, it kind of makes me mad for the woman. I sometimes look at her to see if she realizes he's being a jackass. I usually don't even look back at the guy so as not to encourage it.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 That guy acted like an idiot. A brief look is fine. Continuous head-swiveling is highly disrespectful. Sorry this happened to you. Thanks. I agree. I wish it hadn't happened but it is what it is.
t0ri Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 That guy acted like an idiot. A brief look is fine. Continuous head-swiveling is highly disrespectful. Sorry this happened to you. I agree. Plain rude and stupid, not to mention careless. Sorry this happened to you!
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Hmmm, I am not sure HOW bad the look/checking out was. I catch my boyfriend glancing at other women too and he also sometimes comments that some actresses are hot. I am not bothered, I just playfully slap him and we laugh about it.
betterdeal Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 It's a matter of respect. If you feel disrespected, that ain't making you happy. If rationally you can pin that down to something the other person did, such as ignore you whilst you were giving them some of your time, then just keep the position open for other candidates.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that, either.
thatone Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) It's a matter of respect. If you feel disrespected, that ain't making you happy. If rationally you can pin that down to something the other person did, such as ignore you whilst you were giving them some of your time, then just keep the position open for other candidates. That pretty much sums up how he handled it and how I felt. It took him a very long time to realize I had stopped talking and was uncomfortable, because he was too busy checking her out. I'm not interested in changing a guy. He can do what makes him happy. But he wont' do it at the expense of making me unhappy. I agree. Plain rude and stupid, not to mention careless. Sorry this happened to you! i don't think it's a matter of respect, i think it's a matter of stupid, t0ri hit the nail on the head. and if he willingly let the friend with the "whoa dude" comment meet you before he knew he was making real progress, it wasn't a random distraction looking at the teenager, he's a moron. i have some friends who are 10 or so years younger than me, in their early 20s. i tolerate them sometimes, they're just not grown up enough to be around certain people and certain gatherings. i don't say anything to them about it, they'll grow up eventually. but would i let one of them even come close to meeting some woman my age who i was dating? never, not even gonna think about it, she and i would be well past dating before they even knew her name. they say stupid sh*t and do stupid sh*t. why would i invite them to do so in front of someone who will obviously not approve? they aren't even allowed to be at my house if i'm meeting a date to instantly jump in the car and leave, they have to be gone before she gets here. stupid is the word, not just disrespectful. who wants stupid? even stupid people don't want stupid. Edited June 13, 2011 by thatone
oaks Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Then, he pulled the guy thing. He noticed a girl that may or may not have been legal, wearing a short dress. He wasn't overtly staring at her, but his head is constantly turning in her direction and he seems like he can't help himself. A quick glance shouldn't be a problem (eyes are drawn to movement anyway, before we get on to whether guys' eyes are drawn to nice legs) but it sounds like he went way beyond that by continuing to look. Good on you for calling him out. I know you said you don't want to change him, but now that he knows that he did something that made you unhappy then give him a chance to change himself. Don't drop him over this, but make sure he knows he's on a warning. Good luck!
EasyHeart Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Meh. We're men. We look. You've only been dating a few months, right? All this means is that his radar still works, which is completely normal and healthy. WE CANNOT TURN IT OFF. We just can't. You always seemed like one of the (few) normal women around here, Daphne. I think you're totally over-reacting.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Hmmm, I am not sure HOW bad the look/checking out was. I catch my boyfriend glancing at other women too and he also sometimes comments that some actresses are hot. I am not bothered, I just playfully slap him and we laugh about it. Glancing doesn't get any kind of reaction from me. I do that myself. But when the conversation goes dead for about a half an hour because he's checking someone out, you know it's not good. then just keep the position open for other candidates. Yep. I think I will. I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that, either. I think what some of the guys aren't getting is, very few women do.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 i don't think it's a matter of respect, i think it's a matter of stupid, t0ri hit the nail on the head.. I think you might be right there. But from a story or two of his, this is something he's done in the past and didn't seem to get how it would hurt the gf. So, maybe stupid never gets a clue. Good on you for calling him out. I know you said you don't want to change him, but now that he knows that he did something that made you unhappy then give him a chance to change himself. Don't drop him over this, but make sure he knows he's on a warning. Good luck! I don't know. I'm so turned off at what comes across as creepy behavior, I don't know if I want to go back. I've always felt bad for the girls whose creepy bf's leered at me. I told myself I'd never get involved with such a guy. I don't know if he was leering, but it sure felt like it. Meh. We're men. We look. You've only been dating a few months, right? All this means is that his radar still works, which is completely normal and healthy. WE CANNOT TURN IT OFF. We just can't. You always seemed like one of the (few) normal women around here, Daphne. I think you're totally over-reacting. Easy, I don't expect a guy to turn it off. But I can tell you that out of all of the guys I've seriously dated, only one did this. And he didn't last very long, because he turned out to be a liar and a cheat. I don't think you get that most women are turned off by this stuff. Because the fact is, if almost all of the men I was with were discreet or didn't look, then most CAN control it. To give you a little context. He told me a story about an ex, when they went to the beach. She wanted to go to one beach, he steadfastly wanted another. She gave in, even though it wasn't as nice as the other, but didn't understand. She found out when she got there and it was a topless beach. She was pissed when she found out. He thought the story was funny. In hindsight, it was kind of telling. And now that I think about it, when I mentioned I had accidentally taken photos of a topless woman while on vacation, he asked to see them. I thought it was harmless joking. And that's fine if that's how he is. I'm just not cool with that kind of thing.
oaks Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I don't know. I'm so turned off at what comes across as creepy behavior, I don't know if I want to go back. I've always felt bad for the girls whose creepy bf's leered at me. I told myself I'd never get involved with such a guy. I don't know if he was leering, but it sure felt like it. Ok. Well, it sounds like he's crossed a boundary with you, and if you already have a rule about behaviour you won't tolerate then maybe you and he aren't compatible. I'm sorry if it doesn't work out.
welikeincrowds Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I agree that we cannot turn it off. I don't know what women put in their body lotion, like some kind of magnet ore or something. First I feel my eye muscles tensing, now I'm staring at 2 mounds of some kind. Oh, it's an ass. Damn, those are nice wedges. No wonder dat ass is g--oh, ****, what am I doing? Right about then is when I start picking out the cracks of color in my date's irises, and don't stop until I'm once again fully engaged in the conversation. I agree that this is something that a man out of his 20s needs to have already filed under "**** to have together". I'm sure you're not being arbitrary about this.
Alma Mobley Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Gross. It's fine to notice, not fine to leer. My boyfriend (now husband) asked me early on in dating what behavior might bother me. I told him that it's fine to notice attractive women, but staring, commenting or leering about or at another woman was a huge turn-off to me. He has never stared at another woman in front of me, ever. So yes, this kind of behavior can be controlled, no matter what some might say here. BTW, in response he asked me to give him the same courtesy.
crazylove Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 "It's fine to notice, not fine to leer". Ditto . . .
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 My boyfriend (now husband) asked me early on in dating what behavior might bother me. Props to him..any guy that forthright in asking was doing so in concern for you and the relationship..
Cee Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 He tricked his ex-girlfriend into going to a topless beach? That sounds so disrespectful on so many levels. I feel bad for his ex traveling so far and then put in a no-win situation where she is cast as a humorless prude. I can see why you were on red flag alert with him. It sounds like he enjoys pushing his girlfriends past their comfort zone and seeing how much he can get away with. Sorry, he turned out to be like that.
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