daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Spent time with the new guy. He introduced me to a few of his friends. Seemed pretty intent on getting their opinion of me. Told me they really liked me. Then, he pulled the guy thing. He noticed a girl that may or may not have been legal, wearing a short dress. He wasn't overtly staring at her, but his head is constantly turning in her direction and he seems like he can't help himself. So I tried to excuse myself. It was humiliating. To add insult to injury, this girl wasn't close to being as attractive. He even said so later. Regardless, I'm not an idiot. A guy's head is constantly turning in a girl's direction, it's because he's highly attracted. He knew he screwed up and tried to get me to talk about it. We did eventually. He said he didn't think he was doing what I said he was doing. To keep from blowing things out of proportion, I told him I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. But I'd rather not. Most of the guys I've ever dated were never so bone headed, or were in love and never put me through that nonsense. I feel like an idiot for letting my guard down.
Rinnix Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I could live with a 5-10 second glance, but anything else after that and I get insulted. Its understandable to find others attractive (heck I sure do, and I'll look on occasion). But it's impolite to stare a woman down numerous times in front of your partner or date.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 You get it. Be discreet. Be brief. Do not keep going back. He knows that girls like me don't come about every day. He should have known better.
dangerstranger Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I could live with a 5-10 second glance, but anything else after that and I get insulted. Its understandable to find others attractive (heck I sure do, and I'll look on occasion). But it's impolite to stare a woman down numerous times in front of your partner or date. 5-10 seconds is an eternity when it comes to staring.... Seriously, count it out. One...Two...Three... If a guy is staring that long while on a date with you, yuck.
Rinnix Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 The good part of this is that he realized that he did wrong. Many wouldn't own up to it. Are you going to give him another shot? Or is this a deal breaker for you.
youngskywalker Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Hi Daphne, been a long time...... Forget him. You did the right thing by calling him out on it. BTW, us men are sometimes so used to looking at other women nomatter where we go. When I'm on a date I focus on not looking at other women. Not only is it disrespectful to my date but it makes me feel a little sleezy. But just understand, it's more habit with us men than anything else.
Rinnix Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 5-10 seconds is an eternity when it comes to staring.... Seriously, count it out. One...Two...Three... If a guy is staring that long while on a date with you, yuck. Okay, perhaps its long. But you get my point, I mean't something brief, and not too long. 5 seconds tops I could live with. I don't mind if my partner finds other women attractive, just don't check them out when I'm there. I just ask his eyes are on me when were out together, it's not too much to ask.
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I could live with a 5-10 second glance, but anything else after that and I get insulted. Its understandable to find others attractive (heck I sure do, and I'll look on occasion). But it's impolite to stare a woman down numerous times in front of your partner or date. Agreed.. I'm a guy who loves looking at women's assets but I can so understand that doing it in the presence of my wife would just be disrespectful to her so I either to a quick glance or don't even look. Back in the single days I felt the same as well with whoever I was dating. Daphne.. are you going to go out with him again ? I know you said that you would give him the benefit of the doubt.. What benefit are you talking about ? or are you saying that you forgave him ? Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means to believe their story over others or to believe their story over what might have happened.. What was his story ? does he have bonehead disease ?
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 5-10 seconds is an eternity when it comes to staring.... Seriously, count it out. One...Two...Three... If a guy is staring that long while on a date with you, yuck. Yeah it is! He wasn't that long. He just kept snapping his head back to her. I'm used that happening to me. The good part of this is that he realized that he did wrong. Many wouldn't own up to it. Are you going to give him another shot? Or is this a deal breaker for you. He didn't admit he was wrong. He essentially told a white lie to try to get out of it. I don't know but I feel inclined to take a pass on this. I am not used to being treated this way at all. And I don't want to learn how to put up with it. Hi Daphne, been a long time...... Forget him. You did the right thing by calling him out on it. BTW, us men are sometimes so used to looking at other women nomatter where we go. When I'm on a date I focus on not looking at other women. Not only is it disrespectful to my date but it makes me feel a little sleezy. But just understand, it's more habit with us men than anything else. I understand, because when I'm single or alone I do my share of looking. But I avoid checking out guys too long when I'm dating someone because it's rude. No reason to invite jealousy or competition.
cerridwen Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Agreed.. I'm a guy who loves looking at women's assets but I can so understand that doing it in the presence of my wife would just be disrespectful to her so I either to a quick glance or don't even look. Back in the single days I felt the same as well with whoever I was dating. Daphne.. are you going to go out with him again ? I know you said that you would give him the benefit of the doubt.. What benefit are you talking about ? or are you saying that you forgave him ? Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means to believe their story over others or to believe their story over what might have happened.. What was his story ? does he have bonehead disease ? A quick glance, or not looking at all is the best way to handle it. Problem is, some men take glances at every girl walking by. Over the course of a date, that adds up. Total dealbreaker for me. Game over. Daphne, sorry this happened. You sound really disappointed.
youngskywalker Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 mountain out of a mole hill. I don't think so. She should move on. When I'm with my g/f at a table eating dinner and a hot girl is in focus I will give no more than an instant glance. Less than one second. Anymore is disrespectful. It's called self control. He showed he has no self control over his roving eyes.
Rinnix Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Could he have been embarassed that he was caught? When I catch my boyfriend he usually starts laughing (as he gets embarrassed) And sometimes he'll make lame excuses "Oh, I was looking over there." .. Sure you were Thing is, he normally owns up to it, apologizes and compliments me. So I rarely stay angry, as it's not a long stare to begin with. I usually get looked at when I go out too, so I feel like my boyfriends/dates eyes should also be on me. If he didn't see anything wrong with his actions, then I don't blame you for not wanting to see him again. (Especially if its the early stages of dating).
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Agreed.. I'm a guy who loves looking at women's assets but I can so understand that doing it in the presence of my wife would just be disrespectful to her so I either to a quick glance or don't even look. Back in the single days I felt the same as well with whoever I was dating. Daphne.. are you going to go out with him again ? I know you said that you would give him the benefit of the doubt.. What benefit are you talking about ? or are you saying that you forgave him ? Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means to believe their story over others or to believe their story over what might have happened.. What was his story ? does he have bonehead disease ? yes he does have bonehead disease. His friends think I'm great. Seriously, it was almost embarrassing when one of his guy friends was like "uh, I'll tell you what I think. Whoa. Uh huh. Whoa." lol I guess I meant that I would take his word that he wasn't doing what I said he was doing. The problem is, I know he's lying. I know he was doing it. At this time, I do not want to see him again. Maybe a few days will give me better perspective. I think maybe he got comfortable, and since he's tested me in other ways and I wasn't jealous, thought it would be ok to eyeball the top heavy barely pubescent chick. It felt really awful. If he'd like to be on the receiving end, I can assure you he won't be happy with it. I just won't bother going there. You sound like you totally get it. Check them out when I'm not around. Do not embarrass me by doing it front of me. You just have the respect gene. Which is why you're married and perhaps why he is not. I didn't see this as being his personality.
snug.bunny Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I have one question. Did she look like this: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://firealyellon.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/111007_ugly_woman_shirt.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.fark.com/comments/5839573/A-New-Zealand-brothel-for-women-is-looking-to-hire-male-prostitutes-for-%24176-per-hour-Difficulty-Have-to-perform-on-demand-with-real-women&usg=__XdoZevAvzuUBOpC2zBGwD-ZNAHI=&h=515&w=400&sz=37&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=bxcHevKS0B1L4M:&tbnh=152&tbnw=115&ei=HH_1TfO3OIjs0gGJmKnvDA&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dfat%2Bugly%2Bwoman%2Bfunny%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D1600%26bih%3D797%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=127&vpy=64&dur=659&hovh=255&hovw=198&tx=88&ty=187&page=1&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&biw=1600&bih=797 Or, this..... http://images.teamsugar.com/files/usr/1/13254/vanessa.jpg ?
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 A quick glance, or not looking at all is the best way to handle it. Problem is, some men take glances at every girl walking by. Over the course of a date, that adds up. Total dealbreaker for me. Game over. Daphne, sorry this happened. You sound really disappointed. I am very disappointed. He seemed (seems) like an awesome guy, with a ton of good qualities. But this is a deal breaker for me. I know myself and if I had to put up with this again, I would have to let him know how it feels and I would win. I'm sure he hasn't been oblivious to the way guys look at me. If I started returning the attention, he wouldn't like it. I don't think so. She should move on. When I'm with my g/f at a table eating dinner and a hot girl is in focus I will give no more than an instant glance. Less than one second. Anymore is disrespectful. It's called self control. He showed he has no self control over his roving eyes. Yep. At one point to test whether I was over reacting, I suggested we sit in a different direction at the table. He didn't want to, because he was facing her. EW! Could he have been embarassed that he was caught? When I catch my boyfriend he usually starts laughing (as he gets embarrassed) And sometimes he'll make lame excuses "Oh, I was looking over there." .. Sure you were Thing is, he normally owns up to it, apologizes and compliments me. So I rarely stay angry, as it's not a long stare to begin with. I usually get looked at when I go out too, so I feel like my boyfriends/dates eyes should also be on me. If he didn't see anything wrong with his actions, then I don't blame you for not wanting to see him again. (Especially if its the early stages of dating). Yes, his white lie was to cover his ass. It wasn't a long stare. It was just a continuous head turning event, and being fixated on her.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I have one question. Did she look like this: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://firealyellon.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/111007_ugly_woman_shirt.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.fark.com/comments/5839573/A-New-Zealand-brothel-for-women-is-looking-to-hire-male-prostitutes-for-%24176-per-hour-Difficulty-Have-to-perform-on-demand-with-real-women&usg=__XdoZevAvzuUBOpC2zBGwD-ZNAHI=&h=515&w=400&sz=37&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=bxcHevKS0B1L4M:&tbnh=152&tbnw=115&ei=HH_1TfO3OIjs0gGJmKnvDA&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dfat%2Bugly%2Bwoman%2Bfunny%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D1600%26bih%3D797%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=127&vpy=64&dur=659&hovh=255&hovw=198&tx=88&ty=187&page=1&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&biw=1600&bih=797 Or, this..... http://images.teamsugar.com/files/usr/1/13254/vanessa.jpg ? Lol. Neither. I don't know how to attach an image without getting on probation here. She's above average looks, but not a Vanessa whatshername.
somedude81 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 LOL, it's amazing what some women consider to be deal breakers. Newsflash, men are much more visual than women. Some men can control it better than others. My suggestion, before you decide to end it with him over his heinous act. Talk to him about it and how it makes you feel.
Woggle Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 So I guess this is wrong but a woman outright flirting with men is perfectly okay?
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Is he young? 20s maybe? This is a common thing for the young ones. Im in my 40s so my staring days are over. I think you need to have a serious talk with him about this and see how he responds. No. He's in his 40's. I thought older guys got this sort of thing by now!! We did have a talk where he tried lie his way out. I don't like to fight so I let it go. I now reserve the right to change my mind.
cerridwen Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 LOL, it's amazing what some women consider to be deal breakers. Newsflash, men are much more visual than women. Some men can control it better than others. My suggestion, before you decide to end it with him over his heinous act. Talk to him about it and how it makes you feel. I hear you somedude. For me, I want the man that can control it better than others. Sounds like Daphne may as well.
snug.bunny Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Lol. Neither. I don't know how to attach an image without getting on probation here. She's above average looks, but not a Vanessa whatshername. Phew, because if you said the second one, I'd be like...that boy be crazy! In all seriousness though, sorry your date turned out to be a perverted noob.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Newsflash, men are much more visual than women. Some men can control it better than others. My suggestion, before you decide to end it with him over his heinous act. Talk to him about it and how it makes you feel. Newsflash, I'm very visual. I can control it. It's called respect.
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 LOL, it's amazing what some women consider to be deal breakers. Newsflash, men are much more visual than women. Some men can control it better than others. My suggestion, before you decide to end it with him over his heinous act. Talk to him about it and how it makes you feel. You are missing all the underlying things and only seeing the obvious one... like he WASN'T focused on the person sitting at his table speaking with him and on a date with him, he was focused on another girl. He basically said the the OP.. hang on a minute.. some hotter than you chick just walk by and I need to see it before we continue our conversation. It isn't that he looked.. it is that he did it in such a way that it was insulting to his date... That is what they call a RED flag in the dating world... maybe it wasn't a waving RED flag like someone who gets drunk on a first date but none the less it bears scrutiny.
Rinnix Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 LOL, it's amazing what some women consider to be deal breakers. Newsflash, men are much more visual than women. Some men can control it better than others. My suggestion, before you decide to end it with him over his heinous act. Talk to him about it and how it makes you feel. If you were on a date with a woman, and there was a very muscular well toned, attractive male was sitting at the table next to you. How would you feel if your date, whilst in a conversation with you took time to turn her head, look at the guy with her tongue hanging out. And not just once, but two, three, four times? What if you could tell that she was insanely attracted to this male? You would not be put off, even a bit?
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