lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) So if any of you have been reading my story, it's been rough. My Gf of 5 years again for the 6th time broke up with me and told me she never ever wanted to work it out. I deleted my Facebook. After 2 weeks of NC, she contacted me. She reeled me in emotionally then sort of slammed the door on me. She had asked that I come to see her new place, and then the day before, there was some drama with a previous rebound relationship, and then I got pushed away again. Anyways, she then started calling and telling me all the reasons I'm no good and all the things I've done wrong all these years, and why she doesn't want to get back with me. We got in a heated debate today, and she told me about this guy who she claims she had more feelings for in 3 days than she had for me in 5 years, and they had sex. But then she started telling me how he was a douchebag in the end. Then I thought of something great. I called her up, and left her a voicemail saying "Good luck at your new place, and I was wondering if you could tell me what I can do to be a better boyfriend for my future relationships, and also if you really like that guy, you should make it work and let nothing in your way" She called back and told me she really liked what I said. Then she let me have it. I have 6 bullet points written down here. She reamed me, and I just listened and took it all, even if there was something specific I didn't agree with entirely. I didn't argue at all. She didn't seem to take me seriously at first, but then I reiterated everything she said and Agreed. I then said I planned to read this list to myself every morning, and that gradually, hopefully I can catch myself in the act and change my behavior and be a better man for the next love of my life. She told me how she doesn't want to get back with that random dude, but now she knows what she wants in a boyfriend/partner, and how I don't have any of these traits. Then she told me how over everything else, our sex was absolutely fantastic. I cut her off and said, Ok listen, I appreciate everything you've said, and I contacted you because I thought that if anybody be able to tell me a bit about my flaws, it would be you. Basically, everything she said made me seem like the biggest douche boyfriend in the world. But I wrote it all down, and I'm going to actually work on it. Then I said, ok, good luck. Hung up. Called my service provider and changed my phone number. For all you out there who fall victim to the ex keeping you on a string, I'm sure you understand why I've done this. I can't not pick up her calls in a couple weeks (if she does who knows). I deleted my Facebook to stay away. She still got to me in 2 weeks. I just deleted one of my emails- the only one she knows of. And now I've had to resort to changing my phone number. Unfortunately, I live 2 blocks from her parents house where she's lived up until a week ago. I honestly feel good because at least I walked away with something constructive and positive. When I wake up tomorrow, who knows, but I just wanted to share this story with everyone. Edited June 13, 2011 by lalalandman
WiseOne1 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Dude that takes alot of courage to change your number like that. I didnt build up that courage for about a year, and once I did change my number I knew it was finally over. No more wondering if she might call, no more checking my caller id and looking for it to be her everytime the phone rings. You did the right thing man.
Author lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 That's pretty much where I want to be at mentally. Not checking my phone to see if she calls. I deleted my Facebook for that Out of sight, Out of mind mentality and it did work. I just figure I'll become a better person in the end.
Author lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 She went on about how she loves where she lives now and is excited for her new life, and all the people she's going to meet. How she's been so much happier without me.
WiseOne1 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 She went on about how she loves where she lives now and is excited for her new life, and all the people she's going to meet. How she's been so much happier without me. Exact same thing my ex said, she was SOOOO happy all of a sudden, and use to act like her life was terrible when she was with me.
Author lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 But she eventually came back later huh?
WiseOne1 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 But she eventually came back later huh? O yea, but I was no longer the same guy, it took her maybe 1 year and 7 months to admit that she had made the BIGGEST mistake of her life. She asked me to take her back and I told her I would, but I could never be that faithful loving guy again. I could never trust her after being hurt, so I explained that I probably wouldn't be any better than those same dudes that have mistreated her since we broke up.
WiseOne1 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Not that it matters at this point... What she said to you... has nothing to do with you. All she is doing is trying to convince herself. People that are confident and secure in themselves or their decisions... do not need or seek validation or approval. They also don't have to talk about it and announce it either. She is in her early to mid-twenties right? She is lost... and should be ignored. He's right, she also admitted that she use to try to do anything to convince herself that I wasn't good for her. So don't take anything personally that she says about that, she knows you were a great guy.
Author lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Yes she is about to hit 25. I'm 28. I asked for her to move in with me 4 months ago if she was serious about our relationship. She said yes but then retracted it right away. Now she's just bragging on about her new vacation living spot on the beach. Anyways, Thanks for the support. I truly appreciate it.
shook187 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 did you ever have any long breaks in your 5 years? my ex and i never did. she just up and left one day. NC for a week. the coming weeks will be very interesting.
Author lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 yes, agreed. At the time I just figured that maybe it would be a good next step. She told me yesterday that she doesn't want to do this until she's married and out of respect for her parents, which apparently is one of the the bullet points.
shook187 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 in his defence my girlfriend said the same thing to me, we lived together, it was a nightmare. and here i am today grieving.
Author lalalandman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Shook, the longest we went was 2-3 weeks. Homebrew I appreciate you keeping this positive for me. I definitely do respect her decision. The actual bullet point is about respecting the wishes of parents, but then again her parents never really had a soft spot for me. All in all, I appreciate her advice which I will work on whole heartedly. But she's selfish if she thinks she can reel me in when she feels like it. It seems like she doesn't want me wandering off too far out of sight or something.
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