Ever noticed in small communities that....

[irc333]

.....women get engaged or married at an age probably before it's even legal to drink?

 

Everywhere I go, like at the mall where there are cute jewelry store clerks or at church....I see either full wedding bands or engagement rings on 18 year olds.

 

At church today, there was a BIG family of people that came in, 3 women were females, young adults that came in.

 

I would probably guess between the ages of 18 to 23/24 (maybe one highschool aged)

 

One had brought in an infant child, the woman was probably in her early 20's and married, I was guessing the one other sister was younger, had an engagement ring, probably 18 or 19.

 

At a grocery store that I frequent, there is this real cute cashier, when I was trying to talk to her around the holidays, I asked how she planned on spending the holidays. And she said she was getting something set up with the in-laws, which indicates she's married, and her 2 children....she had another on the way.

 

I would guess she's probably not even drinking age!

 

That being said, do you live in a community where people are marrying/engaging so young....but....is that all you're surrounded with, people starting marriages and families under 25 in your community?

 

I often wonder what's the appeal of thinking your High School sweet heart is your one-and-only?

 

Don't mean to sound mean, but I'm wondering if these people are just marrying out of convenience or because it's the right thing to do, or it just "makes sense" to marry someone youv'e dated since middle school for such a long time as opposed to starting anew when you head off to college? (or perhaps forgoing college altogether?)

 

Heck, seeing an engagement ring on a 20 year old really puts the brakes on flirting, right? lol

[stillafool]

Yes, I come from a small town and after I graduated high school I moved to LA to finish school. I did notice whenever I traveled home that the girls I went to school with were getting married at 21 and becoming mothers by 23. I couldn't imagine what in the world was on their minds. Later in my 30's when I traveled back they all had huge homes almost paid for and teenage kids. When I returned in my 40's they were already finished with child rearing, paid off homes and looking forward to retiring and enjoying their lives. I didn't understand it when I was 20 but I sure as heck understand what they were doing now.

[fishtaco]

Yes, I come from a small town and after I graduated high school I moved to LA to finish school. I did notice whenever I traveled home that the girls I went to school with were getting married at 21 and becoming mothers by 23. I couldn't imagine what in the world was on their minds. Later in my 30's when I traveled back they all had huge homes almost paid for and teenage kids. When I returned in my 40's they were already finished with child rearing, paid off homes and looking forward to retiring and enjoying their lives. I didn't understand it when I was 20 but I sure as heck understand what they were doing now.

 

Their homes also cost a fraction of what's in LA.

 

If you want to live in a big city, then you pay the big city price tag.

 

Also you're comparing "the best" of small towns. I'm sure many live in trailer homes, and their retirement consist of sitting around with a 40 in their hands.

 

Both have pros and cons, I wouldn't say "small town" and popping out babies early is better.

[thatone]

Yes, I come from a small town and after I graduated high school I moved to LA to finish school. I did notice whenever I traveled home that the girls I went to school with were getting married at 21 and becoming mothers by 23. I couldn't imagine what in the world was on their minds. Later in my 30's when I traveled back they all had huge homes almost paid for and teenage kids. When I returned in my 40's they were already finished with child rearing, paid off homes and looking forward to retiring and enjoying their lives. I didn't understand it when I was 20 but I sure as heck understand what they were doing now.

 

well, i think you answered your own question.

 

the world isn't on their minds because they're never gonna see much of it.

 

personally, i'm not "looking forward" to retirement. it's kinda like looking forward to your own funeral in my mind. i'm sure it's different in other people's minds. all choices, consequences, just like anything else.

[irc333]

Yes, I come from a small town and after I graduated high school I moved to LA to finish school. I did notice whenever I traveled home that the girls I went to school with were getting married at 21 and becoming mothers by 23. I couldn't imagine what in the world was on their minds. Later in my 30's when I traveled back they all had huge homes almost paid for and teenage kids. When I returned in my 40's they were already finished with child rearing, paid off homes and looking forward to retiring and enjoying their lives. I didn't understand it when I was 20 but I sure as heck understand what they were doing now.

 

In that case, I'm sure their families are helping them financially. The married couple is probably set up with a job with the family business.

[Jonesonaboat]

I really understand what you're saying.

I'm 21 and come from a small town, it feels like every week I find about another person I went to school with that's getting married or having children. I know a girl who's married, kids, mortgage on a house two cars..it's nuts!

 

HOWEVER, I was always the wild at heart one and while all my old classmates were either in university or getting married and having babies I went travelling. I ended up in BC, Canada where I met someone and yessss, just head over heels. Now we're getting married so that we can be together and I can gain citizenship here.

 

I'm still waiting for my engagement ring but when I am wearing one, I'm sure I'll be just like those people that even I would take a second glance at! I might be old for my age mentally, but I honestly barely look 18, I can't go anywhere without my ID!! But I'm sure I'm going to look like one of those girls, just without the 'marry the first guy out of high school' kind of story right

[Dust]

Love born out of convenience of being secluded, uneducated, and religious is a powerful thing. Thank heaven for little girls for they grow up in the most delightful ways. (if the current batch is all paired up won’t be long till a new batch appears) Also the thing about small towns is they often lack opportunity, entertainment, and basic amenities. Why not move to an area more your speed?

[rafallus]

It's true, 3/4 of girls from my primary class are either already married with children or clearly on their way (like they were in the same relationship for 5-6 years and they talk about it often).

 

If they haven't seen "a big world", it's no surprise. But if they don't want to see it, it's their choice, really.

 

Some of them have had an unplanned pregnancy and therefore married on the spot.

[thatone]

Also the thing about small towns is they often lack opportunity, entertainment, and basic amenities. Why not move to an area more your speed?

 

agreed. if you're not looking for a wife in your 20s, move to the city. those women in the bigger cities aren't looking for husbands in their 20s either, they moved to the city for the same reason.

[Queen Zenobia]

I've noticed this as well, except I live in the 'burbs, and grew up in the 'burbs. I would say somewhere between 35-45% of the women I graduated high school with are married or engaged. Most are educated and are starting out in fairly good careers.

 

Full disclosure: I'm 23 and engaged (wedding will be spring 2012). But I met my guy in college (he's two years older than me though) and he's not the first guy I've ever dated.

[carhill]

In my neck of the woods, girls used to marry to get out of the house, so it was rare to meet any single women once out of college. It's probably less prevalent now, but I don't date 20-somethings

 

In my age group, the fallout of those choices is few women are used to or comfortable with living alone, so, generally, women are only single for a relatively brief time. If the timing is off, even a little, bye bye. This changes in later years as women become widowed but I'm not that general age yet.

 

Closest small community is around 12K now and was about 4.5K when I moved there 20+ years ago. Think no stoplights (there are three now). It still had a switchboard for long distance calls (human operator) back then. The operators were all married

[stillafool]

I've noticed this as well, except I live in the 'burbs, and grew up in the 'burbs. I would say somewhere between 35-45% of the women I graduated high school with are married or engaged. Most are educated and are starting out in fairly good careers.

 

 

Oh yes these women went to college also. They finished college while still married and some were pregnant and still completing school. Jobs may not pay as much as the big cities but the cost of building your own home and owning a piece of land is cheap (well back then).

 

When I said they were looking forward to retirement, I meant retiring early and doing what they want with the rest of their lives. Starting a business, whatever. I don't think that is such a bad thing. I guess it's all just a matter of what you want in life.

[stillafool]

well, i think you answered your own question.

 

the world isn't on their minds because they're never gonna see much of it.

 

personally, i'm not "looking forward" to retirement. it's kinda like looking forward to your own funeral in my mind. i'm sure it's different in other people's minds. all choices, consequences, just like anything else.

 

 

That's just not true. People from small towns travel all the time. We traveled all the time when we were kids and my parents traveled after we left home. Why would anyone think just because a person lives in a small town they have never seen anythiing else? Have people who live in the dirty city ever seen the green country?

[Feelsgoodman]

the world isn't on their minds because they're never gonna see much of it.

This is a great way of putting. However, I'd have to say that not seeing too much of the world is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

The problem with many people these days is that they see too much of the world and are always on the look out for the next best thing (whether in terms of career, material possession or relationships). This sort of attitude is not conducive to creating a stable family environment.

 

In the old days, it would have been nearly unheard of for a woman (or a man for that matter) to break up a family for no other reason than because they did not feel "fulfilled" and wanted to see what else is out there. Nowadays, this sort of attitude is pretty common.

[irc333]

That's just not true. People from small towns travel all the time. We traveled all the time when we were kids and my parents traveled after we left home. Why would anyone think just because a person lives in a small town they have never seen anythiing else? Have people who live in the dirty city ever seen the green country?

 

 

Where I live, a lot these people prefer to stay in their little "fishbowl" community, aren't much for traveling either.

 

Friend of mien was trying to get them out of the house into the big city, to a social gathering with some of our friends, the 2 of them kind of stuck to themselves and didnt eevn mingle...since I was good friends with THEIR friend, I talked witht hem, then asked them if they've met anyone else.

 

 

They're response stated that they don't like making NEW friends at all, and tend to pretty much socialize with their current highschool friends and family where they currently live.

 

Some of them can be xenophobic.

[GivenUp0083]

One of the wonderful things about a free country is that people are able to make decisions for themselves that they feel is right. If that means getting married at a young age and having a family, then they absolutely have the right to do that if it makes them happy.

 

Maybe people know that they found a keeper when they're in high school and don't want to waste time and start having a family early.....you know, so they can be early empty-nesters. Heard of it?

 

It's a well known stereotype that people in small towns get married young, especially if they know they aren't going to leave the small town anytime in the near future, and their odds of meeting new people and evaluating options isn't something they will have the opportunity to do in their life.

 

I know you post quite a bit and I realize you're in a small town, but this is what you have to deal with by chossing to live where you do. Maybe economic times have forced you to take this job and you don't have much of a choice, but we are all making sacrafices in this climate.

 

Try to focus less on other people, and focus on yourself....its the only person you have control over. No matter what you say about other people's behavior, you'll never be able to change it.

[stillafool]

Where I live, a lot these people prefer to stay in their little "fishbowl" community, aren't much for traveling either.

 

Friend of mien was trying to get them out of the house into the big city, to a social gathering with some of our friends, the 2 of them kind of stuck to themselves and didnt eevn mingle...since I was good friends with THEIR friend, I talked witht hem, then asked them if they've met anyone else.

 

 

They're response stated that they don't like making NEW friends at all, and tend to pretty much socialize with their current highschool friends and family where they currently live.

 

Some of them can be xenophobic.

 

 

Well some people are like that. When I lived in L.A. I met people who had never been out of L.A. Some people are just comfortable in their own environment. I'm more adventurous thank God. I can't imagine not wanting to see as much of this big beautiful world as possible.

[GoodOnPaper]

That being said, do you live in a community where people are marrying/engaging so young....but....is that all you're surrounded with, people starting marriages and families under 25 in your community?

 

I'm a college professor in a small city in a largely rural area -- the female students literally race to the altar when they graduate. Typically they marry less academically-talented guys, often blue-collar workers, and it is not unusual for these women to give up excellent post-graduate education/training opportunities because their blue-collar fiances don't want to live more than a few miles from their hometown.

 

This contrasts greatly from my own college experience -- I went to a liberal arts school where most of the students were from the Chicago suburbs. The women had more of a "big city" mentality about relationships and most avoided making long-term commitments. I would have been better suited for the women at the school where I now teach. The idea of settling down early didn't bother me it a bit -- this attitude was the kiss of death for me where I was.

 

I often wonder what's the appeal of thinking your High School sweet heart is your one-and-only?

 

The big plus about an early relationship like this working out in the long-term is that you are naive enough to let yourself truly FEEL and communicate. In some ways there is much greater intimacy potential than in later relationships where each partner has years of baggage and jadedness to fight through.