Modey3 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Hello, My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter. We've been married for 4 years now and never agreed on a number of kids that we were going to have. My wife essentially told me that she would divorce me if I didn't have another kid. I don't want another child because of the expense, and the fact that I have anxiety problems. Also, I would like to get some free time back when my daughter gets older to do things I enjoy. I love my daughter and would do anything for her and I don't regret being a father. I feel like I'm being selfish, but I feel it would be worse for me to bring another child into this world that I didn't 100% want. Can my marriage be saved despite this problem? Thanks
fltc Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 You need more help than you can get here, you need some couples counseling for both of you. They can help you talk your problems out and, hopefully, help you arrive at a solution. I understand your not wanting another child, at least not right now, can you understand her reasons for wanting another now?
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 You need more help than you can get here, you need some couples counseling for both of you. They can help you talk your problems out and, hopefully, help you arrive at a solution. I understand your not wanting another child, at least not right now, can you understand her reasons for wanting another now? Reasons for wanting a child and threatening divorce if your husband doesn't aren't the same. Ultimatums never work out.... I do agree that they need to be in couples counseling though... There is more fire under the smoke and they need to get to why an ultimatum was pulled out
Author Modey3 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 I understand your not wanting another child, at least not right now, can you understand her reasons for wanting another now? The only reason I've ever gotten from her is that she doesn't want my daughter to be an only child. I was an only child and I have no regrets. I just can't understand the ultimatum.
Soxfaninfl Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Couples counseling is a definite need in your situation. You especially don't want to put two children through a divorce if your headed that way if she is already threathening you with one simply for not wanting another child. Divorce is especially hard on children.
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 .....I just can't understand the ultimatum. Hormones. Women who desperately, desperately feel the overwhelming need to have another child, will do anything, and say anything to have that inner need fulfilled. It's a bummer. And I understand it, because I said almost the same thing to my ex. I told him that if he couldn't give me another baby, I'd find someone who would. How reprehensible, cruel and utterly despicable was that? I cannot believe - looking at the person I am now -that I would ever have even thought such a thing. I couldn't help myself.... I agree, you do need counselling, but to her, it might not be an option, because she sees it in black and white: You either love her enough to give her a much-wanted (desperately desired?) child - or you don't. in which case, if you don't, you can take a hike. In our case, we were in a very secure financial situation, and although we had both started out wanting a couple of children, we failed to conceive the second for a long time. The reason we discovered, was a hormone imbalance on my part, which was rectified. Then, my hormones went into overdrive - but his attitude to having a second child had definitely cooled, and he had to all intents and purposes, changed his mind. So we found ourselves on opposite ends of the spectrum. We talked to all kinds of people - friends, experts, doctors, counsellors - and basically, it boiled down to one thing, and one thing only: Who would get their way? We have 2 beautiful daughters. My ex lives in France, as do both of the girls (although the eldest is making concrete and definite plans to come back to the UK....). The youngest lives with him and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Everyone is perfectly happy with the arrangement.....
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) Nice post taramaiden .... Very open Thanks for sharing that My wife and I have talked about Having a second child .. Even though in the end we both agreed to not have another it might explain a few comments she made Edited June 12, 2011 by Art_Critic
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 And I'll add my 2 cents.. Go see someone to deal with your anxiety. Cognitive Behaviour therapy saved me, and it's a great type of therapy to help you through your own issues and teaches you how to fight anxiety and not let it control you. CBT is aimed for those who have mild depression and anxiety, but honestly, anybody can benefit from going. CBT also helps change your thinking and processing, from negative to positive too. Please look into this.
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