pandagirl Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Back in March, I went on two dates with a guy (let's call him Beardy). Nothing happened. No kissing, no holding hands, no nothing! I thought I'd give him a chance, but it was evident after he second date that he just wasn't a match for me (he said some insensitive political things, in addition to him having a rumored drinking problem, which I saw evidence of). Since he was a friend of a friend, I wrote him an email saying I essentially wasn't feeling it. Perhaps my mistake was saying we could "still be friends." Anyway, for a month after, Beardy kept on asking me out and texting me, which I politely declined every time. Eventually, he started to get aggressive, saying once: "So are you going hang out with me or what?" I didn't reply. Fast forward to June, he is STILL texting me and messaging me on facebook. Keep in mind, I haven't responded to any of his message since early April. I just got another message from him yesterday. I'm getting a little frustrated. I really thought if I just ignored him, he'd get the hint and go away. The other option is responding to him, but I think he's the type of guy who would only take that as sign of encouragement. It's starting to creep me out a bit. Do I just keep on ignoring?
thatone Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Perhaps my mistake was saying we could "still be friends." ding ding. he isn't asking for anything that you didn't offer when you said "still be friends".
Author pandagirl Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 ding ding. he isn't asking for anything that you didn't offer when you said "still be friends". I agree. But after 15+ ignored attempts at contact with me...
thatone Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I agree. But after 15+ ignored attempts at contact with me... yeah, it's pathetic, i agree. but in the future the way to avoid such things is simply say no.
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Pg.. Just reply back to his last text with a nice "hey ... I'm not interested.. Could you please stop contacting me?" He is a grown man.. He can handle it
Kamille Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Pg.. Just reply back to his last text with a nice "hey ... I'm not interested.. Could you please stop contacting me?" He is a grown man.. He can handle it +1. Some people don't understand subtle. Be assertive and straightforward. The worst thing that will happen is that a guy you're not interested in will be mad for a few days. And so what? It's not your job to please everyone.
Professor X Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I just hope you realize there's no nice way to tell him that you want him to stop; I hope you won't repeat that mistake a 2nd time (i.e. let's be friends).
alexlakeman Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 WHy not just block him on FB? It's so easy to do..
Mimi99 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I always let the guy i'm not interested in know right away. I text and say that I don't think we're a match and good luck on his search. I think it's nice to say that instead of ignoring someone . Just saying. I was ignored before and it's really painful if you really liked the person. I'm sure he'll stop once you text him that you don't think you're a match, if he isn't a psycho that is. He should have gotten the hint by now. But I guess some people just don't get it.
alexlakeman Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I always let the guy i'm not interested in know right away. I text and say that I don't think we're a match and good luck on his search. I think it's nice to say that instead of ignoring someone . Just saying. I was ignored before and it's really painful if you really liked the person. I'm sure he'll stop once you text him that you don't think you're a match, if he isn't a psycho that is. He should have gotten the hint by now. But I guess some people just don't get it. There's not a right way and a wrong way.. I would PREFER your way... but in the last few months a few of the women I texted back "no chemistry" etc.. I got a nasty reply, so **** them.. NOW, the last one I went out with which I had no interest, she texted me the next am, then called.. which I ignored, as I didn't want to go on a second date.. BUT the second text she sent that evening was like "did i do something wrong?" or something like that and I felt terrible, so I did text her back that I thought we weren't a match and that it WASN'T HER.. although it was, as her pics didn't fully show her body .. but she was so nice I didn't want to mess with her head..
chocomole Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 The next time he texts you, I would respond with, "Please stop texting me." Also, you can block him on fb and your phone if you have the option/apps.
Mimi99 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 There's not a right way and a wrong way.. I would PREFER your way... but in the last few months a few of the women I texted back "no chemistry" etc.. I got a nasty reply, so **** them.. NOW, the last one I went out with which I had no interest, she texted me the next am, then called.. which I ignored, as I didn't want to go on a second date.. BUT the second text she sent that evening was like "did i do something wrong?" or something like that and I felt terrible, so I did text her back that I thought we weren't a match and that it WASN'T HER.. although it was, as her pics didn't fully show her body .. but she was so nice I didn't want to mess with her head.. I guess being direct with someone can really hurt their feelings but it comes with the whole dating scene. I feel like it's better to let them know right away instead of being stalked. I've never received a nasty message, from anyone. But I guess women take rejection a little harder than men do, so I can see why you'd go the ignoring route. Phew! That last girl you went out with must've really liked you. Three attempts of contacting you, after 1 date? But it's great that you responded. I think it's only respectful. But the OP needs to put a stop to this by telling him that she's not interested, he might get too obsessed and take it to another level. You never know these days...
Author pandagirl Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 The things is, I am actually SCARED that if I respond to him in anyway, he's going to actually bother me more. There's something about him that is off.
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 The things is, I am actually SCARED that if I respond to him in anyway, he's going to actually bother me more. There's something about him that is off. How can that be ?.. he is already bothering you to the point of being uncomfortable.. PG.. you have to cut him off.
Dust Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Bottom line being an aggressive man pays off. Think about it this guy really lost nothing by totally annoying you. In fact some girls actually would turn around and date a man who had become persistent. He seems to take this a little to seriously and if this is actually upsetting him then he losing out. (it might just be a tactic though) I mean I got pissed off at a girl once for not hanging out with me in a long time and low and behold my immature attempt to get a date worked. You either have to ignore him till the ends of time and block him in any way you can, or better yet out right tell him “I don’t want see you now or ever” then ignore him till the ends of time.
somedude81 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Just tell him that you don't want him to contact you anymore. If he keeps contacting you, try talking to the mutual friend.
Kamille Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 The things is, I am actually SCARED that if I respond to him in anyway, he's going to actually bother me more. There's something about him that is off. If you're firm, the worse he can do is reply with a nasty email, vent for a few days and leave you alone. Of course you have to listen to your instincts on this, but I wonder to what extent your instinct is right (and he might bother you more eternally) and to what extent you're finding excuses to avoid confrontation.
Author pandagirl Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 If you're firm, the worse he can do is reply with a nasty email, vent for a few days and leave you alone. Of course you have to listen to your instincts on this, but I wonder to what extent your instinct is right (and he might bother you more eternally) and to what extent you're finding excuses to avoid confrontation. My instincts say just to ignore him. I'm OK with confrontation with people I KNOW and are friends with. But this isn't a situation that really needs to be "worked out." He has an aggressive personality in general, and I just don't want any involvement in that. There's something about him that sets off some weird danger button in me!
O'Malley Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) I'd be cautious about further engaging him in any way, if you feel this strongly about the situation and he came across as aggressive. You told him that you weren't interested in dating, yet he still feels it's fine to repeatedly ask you out. He doesn't sound like some well meaning but rather dense individual, instead he's choosing to negate what you told him. The possibility is that if you do contact him to leave you alone, you're sending him the message that his repeated contacts worked; after all, it got you back in touch with him. As someone else said, block him as much as possible and keep on ignoring. Don't even read anything he messages you. In general, don't offer friendship when you're letting someone know that you're not interested, even though I don't feel that you misled this guy in any real sense. Edited June 13, 2011 by O'Malley
GivenUp0083 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 saying we could "still be friends." Ok, you told him you wanted to be friends. Anyway, for a month after, Beardy kept on asking me out and texting me, which I politely declined every time. Eventually, he started to get aggressive, saying once: "So are you going hang out with me or what?" I didn't reply. So you lied to him, and he's acting as if you were telling the truth about what you said to him. Got it..... I really thought if I just ignored him, he'd get the hint and go away. Or maybe, he would just be confused, because you wrote him an email saying you wanted to be friends, and he's calling you every once in a while to see if you want to hang out.....cuz friends do that. If you told him it wasn't gonna work out and left it at that, then maybe he wouldn't call you. Sure, a lot of guys have dated quite a bit and know when a girl is being a coward and giving him the brush off....but not every guy has dated around and still has good faith in society and believes that most people generally tell the truth. The other option is responding to him, but I think he's the type of guy who would only take that as sign of encouragement. Well, depends on what you respond with. More lies? like telling him "hey, I think you're a great guy and I'm just really busy this week, maybe another time." because that won't work. You could try just telling him the truth this time and saying "hey, I want to apologize, but I lied to you when I said I wanted to be friends. I just don't have time or room for another friend in my life. I wish you the best of luck." It's starting to creep me out a bit. Do I just keep on ignoring? What do you think is going on in his head? "Hey guys, this girl said she wanted to be friends with me but won't call me back....what's her deal?"
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) "Hey guys, this girl said she wanted to be friends with me but won't call me back....what's her deal?" Lets see.. what is going on his head.. I'll send her another text.. even though she has never responded to one in the last 2+ months.. That way I'll look desperate and like a creep.. Givenup.. While she said she wanted to be friends in the beginning he should have gotten the message when she kept turning him down to hang out.. then she stopped responding to him for 2+ months and you think she was inviting him ? How is that her fault ?.. while she didn't blow him off from the get go which is what she should have done the rest he owns... If she had blown him off you would be saying she didn't give him a chance Unfortunately.. and even partly due to her own doing (for not blowing him off in the beginning) she is in a lose-lose deal at this point.. How should she proceed from this point forward now that you know he is aggressive and how she feels ? Edit... You want her to own up to lying.. how is trying to be nice and it not working out lying ? Edited June 13, 2011 by Art_Critic
Imajerk17 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Pandagirl: You might think you were being "nice" to him, but you were instead being disrespectful. I don't condone aggressive behavior, but the way you acted--telling him one thing and then acting something else--is a sure-fire way to set someone like that off. Ever have someone offer you something you really wanted and then later "hint" that they never had any intentions on delivering? How would that make you feel, even if they "politely declined" following through? Relationships are voluntary, but it's only good karma to say what you mean and mean what you say. Take responsibility for your actions, and write him the following: "Beardy, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I need to be honest--staying in contact just feels too awkward for me, so I can't be friends and hang out with you after all. Best of luck to you." The win for you is that you will get him off your back. Edited June 13, 2011 by Imajerk17
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 The win for you is that you will get him off your back. I like what you wrote but it seems she has gauged his aggressiveness and feels it might set him off and would just allow for more contact.. I do think she needs to say something.. to me it should be more to the point and less nice since he has a habit of pushing boundaries however it seems she is going to just ignore his contact and see if he will go away.. sooner or later you would think after no invite further existing that he would.
Ross MwcFan Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 He sounds like a complete cock. Why don't you just tell him you're not interested and would you please stop contacting me?
reboot Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 If you're scared, protect yourself. Call your phone company and tell them. Call the police and tell them. Get a restraining order if he won't back off.
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