hurt and devastated Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I'm not even sure if I'm posting this in the right forum, so if it needs to be moved, please do so. Here is the link to "my story": http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t235466/ For those of you that are going to ask me why it's been a year and still no divorce, I was laid off last March, and the money I was saving for lawyer fees, etc. went to keeping things afloat. Unemployment benefits are a life saver, but they basically just help out with everyday life. What I'm writing about is this: My "wife" has been having guys over at her house, spending the night and such, while my 2 year old daughter is sleeping under the same roof. The latest person is Guy #4 that I know about. What (if any) recourse do I have at this time? There is no legal custody agreement, so technically I could walk in and say I'm taking her to live with me because I'm concerned about her safety. I want to drive this point home: I am NOT wanting to do this to get even with her for being with other men. She has made it abundantly clear that our marriage is over, and I have accepted that. That still does hurt, but I have no feelings for her any more. She is my daughter's mom, and that's it. I'm basing this all on my daughter's safety. My wife is not the best judge of a person's character, and unfortunately, I think her need to have a man or get laid overrides her logic process. While I would like to think she would at least have some common sense,but I'm not willing to risk my daughter's well being by any stretch. I know the simplest way would be to just confront her on it and tell her I know, and tell her she needs to act like a responsible parent for a change, instead of trying to live her 20's out again. The only flaw with this is she's the type that would get a restraining order against me if she found out I drove by her house to see if she was having men at her house. What recourse do I have? CPS? I'm not really sure what they could do. My original plan was to hire a lawyer, and a PI to document the times there were other men there, and fight for sole custody. If you made it this far, thanks for hanging in there. I'm sure this was kind of scattered in parts, but I'm really at a loss for a solution.
fltc Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Have you offered to take the child for the night if she wants to "go out"? She might be happy to agree to that.
Author hurt and devastated Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 That's just it. We take turns having her for the weekend, and this weekend was "her turn". I would happily have her every weekend, and have done so in the past. It ended when my wife was complaining that she didn't get to spend enough time with her, because during the week isn't enough. While the irony of that statement burned me a bit, she does have a right to see her own daughter. I'm past the point of caring what my wife does on her own time. She's a big girl, and can screw up her own life as completely as she wants. I just don't want her dragging my daughter down with her.
fltc Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Just tell her that you do not want daughter there when she has company and she probably doesn't either and that you'll be very happy to keep her for a hour or two or overnight, explain that will allow her to devote time to her boyfriend and probably make boyfriend happier and improve her sexlife. Sell it to her!!!!
Author hurt and devastated Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I appreciate what you're saying, and have actually tried to implement that in the past. However, "no" was the answer I got when I tried that, and the rationalization I got from her was that she needed to get used to other men being there besides me, since I'm not coming back. This is total horsesh*t in my mind. I realise there is probably going to be a stepfather for my daughter at some point, much like I know that someday she will have a stepmother as well. My point is, my wife is putting my child at a huge risk to fall victim to a pedophile. This guy she is with now won't be the last by a long shot, given how my wife has a terminal case of GIGS. Like I said, there have been 4 men so far that I know about. These are the ones that have hung around long enough for me to have the misfortune to find out about. That doesn't include all the hookups and one night stands that have probably gone on, too.
Steen719 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I think you should ask an attorney (family law) what your rights are and if you would have a case to have full custody of your daughter based on your wife's behavior. If not full custody, then maybe you could have more access to your daughter under certain circumstances. I think that speculating before you know that will make you nuts. Once you have that information, you can decide how to proceed. If she is not agreeable to you keeping your daughter, you do not have a choice but to see what your legal rights are. Then, if you need to hire a PI to document this, you can proceed that way. IMO, I believe protecting children should be the most important thing to consider. I have an ex- s-i-l who had a succession of men through her life after divorce from a brother and to this day, her daughters resent how she infused the men in their lives. The nieces are adults now (there was no pedophilia or anything like that) and their principal problems with how they were raised by her was that they were always secondary to whoever else the mother had in her life. The men always came first. Best to you and I'm glad you care so much about your daughter's well being. I hope you can find some resolution to this.
bigmomma1974 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Go to your local court house and file for temporary custody of your child, until your divorce is final or contact a lawyer gain temporary custody until you divorce. Your childs safety should come first and it doesn't seem like it is if there has been 4 men in the last year. You have a right as a father to have your child and to make sure she is safe and if gaining custody is what it takes go for it. Best of luck to you.
Mauschen Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Read Child Custody A to Z by Guy White. Don't file anything in court until AFTER you read the book and document your wife's lifestyle. Generally, CPS is not very helpful, especially when a child has no bruises. I have been dealing with an abusive father for a couple of years since our divorce, and CPS has been useless. Once you go to court, you can ask that no men or, in your case, women spend the night when the child is in the house unless the 2 of you are married. Keep in mind that this is likely to affect you in the future if you have a girlfriend, but it may be worth it to you. Then, if your wife does have a man overnight, it would be a violation of court order. I hope that helps!
love4me2c Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Unless you can prove that there is some kind of abuse or something, the court, generally, will not do anything about this. Now I may be wrong given the # of men we are talking about here. I met someone shortly after I separated. He spends the night sometimes, but I've only had one man around my children. We've been together going on 9 months. My lawyer told me that unless my husband can prove some kind of physical/emotional abuse, there was nothing that could be done about it. Of course talk to a lawyer, but I'm just relaying the information I was told.
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