inthemoodforlove Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 So here is my story. He and I met 7 yrs ago – we both felt we have finally found our soulmates - had a very brief romance and then he moved to another country - he had planned all that before he met me. We didn´t tell each other about our feelings but the strong connection was there and we talked online frequently and I even went to visit him for a month and he visited me too. During those years we weren´t together as a couple, we dated other people too but neither of us felt such a great connection with anyone else and so we made plans for me to move in with him – I did. A year later we both moved back because of his work and have stayed right here for 4 yrs, but always itching to move to another country and see the world that way. The main reason for us coming back was his business – a startup with his family. Our plans have been to spend couple of years here so he could build up his business and then branch out to the next place. I have always been supportive of his choices and did my own stuff on the side (freelancing since I never knew when exactly we would take off so no career). Things have been going really well for him and recently he got a huge investment which means even more work and even longer hrs at the office. We haven´t even been able to take a weekend together for a very long time. Lately it has been extremely intense – all the family members are accusing him of not doing and being enough – really he is the hardest working man I know. He has also been quietly looking down on me not being ambitious enough. Yes, that is a problem for him, although when discussed he said there really is no need for me to get a 9-5 job, but to keep on with my small business. Two weeks ago he decided to turn his relationship with his family around – we had a long talk and he said its best if he can move in with them so he can influence them more. But he acted really weird – very out of character and I became frightened. I said he is the greatest guy I know and if its his choice then I stand by it but also that he has changed a lot and I was afraid I might lose him (we have been fighting with each other a lot lately). He assured me everything was alright and that its not about me and this will pass. Said we would go on a vacation when he gets back and we can finally spend some quality time together. So 2 wks later he came home and dumped me on the spot – saying that his future is going to get even busier than now and that my way of living seems too different from his and would probably get even more different. I was floored. Completely didn´t see that coming. We have always had a very healthy relationship – and now this. I tried to stay strong but broke down crying and asked if he didn´t think it was fair to give this another change but he wasn´t very into it saying he doesn´t see what difference could that make. Also that when we were apart he didn´t miss me at all and we are becoming like roommates not lovers (there was a deadline and he spent his time working from 7am to 1am every day and he got a chance to think of us? He said he concentrated all the problems we have) He said he doesn´t see anyone else, and I don´t think he would too – he spends all his time with his family at the office and was brutally honest about everything else. He finally agreed to one more chance – a week at the end of this month and then see were we go from there. But I am starting to think it might be too soon to his stress to solve and business get on track so maybe reschedule that for later this summer. Please, any thoughts on this? Anyone experienced the same issues? I tried search but I never came across a similar issue. He was my life and my rock, but now that rock has crashed me. is there another chance? I will use this time to improve myself in every way – I know I made mistakes. We were so right together its like he has lost all his marbles...he doesn´t even want to see his friends... Sry if this isn´t perfect English, its my second language... Thank you for your time
Karala Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I haven't read your story yet but just to answer your question - I've asked myself that same question several times, and each time I ended up remembering that even Barack Obama has a wife and kids. Off to read your story now. ...ok, done... 2 things jumped out to me : 1) I think you have this man and his career totally on a pedestal. Being dedicated to your work is great, but you make it sound like he's on a mission to find a cure for cancer or something. It almost sounds like you've been brainwashed by him to think he and his business come first to anything else in life. Sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but that's really how it comes off to me. 2) 7 years is a looong time. Is there any point at which it seemed like the relationship was headed towards marriage, or being together for the long haul? Are those things you want? I also think moving in together and then changing to living separately, even for very good reasons, is never a good sign. I feel like I need to be a bitch again and say that if you find yourself making so many excuses for a man, he might well just not be that into you. But do tell us more about it, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions too fast.
Author inthemoodforlove Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Thank you for your comment Karala! That first one really is a good point! 1) yes I think I have built my life around him and that is not healthy. The plan was to work really hard for a couple of years and then take a leap into the (reasoned and reseached) dark together. Now that (over)working has changed him so much, he had a most cheerful personality and now he is this tired, stressed and numb person and I am worried. 2) we wanted to stay together for life – we had a wonderful connection, meeting of the minds, we share hobbies, friends, views. I feel like I have lost my best friend too. I thought this was just a rough patch and would work out – every relationship has its highs and lows but we were strong and determined to be together and not let the small stuff bother us. So today he came over unnoticed and took one or two of his things. We talked a bit and he said he is crazy busy as always - I suggested we reschedule our “another try” and meet up at the end of the summer instead because now it might be too soon – I really want to work on myself and give him time to get his production thing running smoothly. He was surprised and said: ok we can do that, I cleared my schedule for that but ok. Now he wants to buy me a laptop so I can work wherever after told him that I will be away the whole July and he can stay at our apartment. I am not sure if I can accept that – so expensive (yet necessary) and because it has this goodbye present vibe going on... Told him that I had been working on my own projects a lot and have a good feeling about it and have accomplished many goals and he was smiling and told me this is great news. Wow I sound like a loser right. Well I know that I haven´t really lived up to my potential and have not done much to grow as a person but that is already changing – I got a wake up call and it somehow acts like this positive force behind me.
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