zig Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 So my g/f has forbidden me to ever look at porn. She was upfront right in the beginning of our relationship and said if she ever found it on my computer it would probably be a deal breaker. No skin off my back, I rarely look at it anyway. However I want to bring up a point and see what you all think. Most men are stimulated visually... i.e Porn. Most women are stimulated verbally, emotionally ect. So if she has some pet guy 'friends' that she can go to for a good night out on the town (with no physical contact) do you think that could be a form of her getting her needs met in other places? Female Porn? If I look at a girls @ss walking down the street is that any worse then her sitting at a guy friends house getting a little gushy emotionally? Just asking.
oaks Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I don't think that her having and seeing male friends is the same as you watching porn, but if she's going to make unreasonable requests of you then you can make unreasonable requests of her.
Fondue Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I don't think that her having and seeing male friends is the same as you watching porn, but if she's going to make unreasonable requests of you then you can make unreasonable requests of her. Well put. I fully agree with this sentiment. Honestly, I would just leave now. Not because of the porn issue whatsoever, but because she's probably incredibly unreasonable and controlling. I can't imagine her being a tolerable human being. You can't just straight up demand that in the beginning of a relationship and make it so damn final. It seems ridiculous. Hit it and quit it, IMO.
Ross MwcFan Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I don't think that her having and seeing male friends is the same as you watching porn, but if she's going to make unreasonable requests of you then you can make unreasonable requests of her. Good call.
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 To me.. If the pet guy was some naked guy in a strip club then you have a match ....
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 yeah, i totally don't understand women who forbid porn. probably because i love porn AND love watching it with a partner. anyway, she is being incredibly controlling and it's not the fact that you don't really watch it anyway, it's the principle of the issue - she doesn't like something so she tells you you can't do it. is she your mother and are you a juvenile? no. is what you want to do against the law? no. so she has no right. if i were you i'd just get out now. if you want to stoop to her level, just demand that she no longer has male friends. either way, the relationship isn't going to last.
alexlakeman Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 As you gain years of experience you will learn not to take BS like that from women... How could you even fanthom abiding by her orders? Does she run your life? Tell her, "I won't watch porn as long as you dress like a porn star every time we are at home and we're going to get laid".
Ouroboros Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 So my g/f has forbidden me to ever look at porn. She was upfront right in the beginning of our relationship and said if she ever found it on my computer it would probably be a deal breaker. No skin off my back, I rarely look at it anyway. However I want to bring up a point and see what you all think. Most men are stimulated visually... i.e Porn. Most women are stimulated verbally, emotionally ect. So if she has some pet guy 'friends' that she can go to for a good night out on the town (with no physical contact) do you think that could be a form of her getting her needs met in other places? Female Porn? If I look at a girls @ss walking down the street is that any worse then her sitting at a guy friends house getting a little gushy emotionally? Just asking. It isn't the same. It is worse.
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I love linking this If you can't look at porn. Then she can't have a fulfilling conversation.
thatone Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 If I look at a girls @ss walking down the street is that any worse then her sitting at a guy friends house getting a little gushy emotionally? Just asking. it is exactly the same thing.
alexlakeman Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 As you gain years of experience you will learn not to take BS like that from women... How could you even fanthom abiding by her orders? Does she run your life? She sounds controlling.. Tell her, "I won't watch porn as long as you dress like a porn star every time we are at home and we're going to get laid". OR just say "ok honey" , bang her a few times, and just go with the flow... she doesn't have to find out you watch porn on your time.. yeah, i totally don't understand women who forbid porn. probably because i love porn AND love watching it with a partner. . My kind of woman .. but yeah, that "is" a component in a relationship...
Ouroboros Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 it is exactly the same thing. It is different when it is someone you hold a connection with versus a total stranger.
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 She's giving him an ultimatum. It's completely unfair. A relationship is supposed to be an equal partnership. What is she giving up or is now prevented from doing?
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 It isn't the same. It is worse. why is his checking out a stranger's assets bad in the first place? he's in a relationship, not dead.
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Anybody is allowed to have their deal breakers and she told him of her boundaries and he agreed to accept them and not cross them. If he crosses her boundaries then he is showing her and the relationship disrespect. IMO the OP can't compare what he is trying to because he hasn't said they were deal breakers
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 This is NOT an ultimatum! This is looking for the type of guy she wants and making it known to the man BEFORE the relationship evolves. Trying to find someone who is compatible is NOT unfair. She has every right to look for someone who shares her beliefs. Is it an ultimatum when I say to a new man that if I ever found out he gets staggering drunk that it's a deal breaker? Or if he kicks puppies? Or ANYTHING else I find objectionable? NO! It's just me trying to find someone that I respect and love and am compatible with. My "demands" are just a search for the RIGHT guy. Having personal standards is NOT a bad thing. Why choose a man who does something you aren't comfortable with? That would be crazy. ok yes, i agree with this. it's not an ultimatum. so my new advice - tell this girl that YOUR deal breakers involve her interactions with these "pet" guys (if that is really the case). if not, let her know that you although you initially were in agreement with her request about porn, upon hindsight you've realised that you're not really comfortable with the idea of never being allowed to watch porn. then have the discussion that will surely come next. if it doesn't work... well then it's not going to work.
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 ok yes, i agree with this. it's not an ultimatum. so my new advice - tell this girl that YOUR deal breakers involve her interactions with these "pet" guys (if that is really the case). if not, let her know that you although you initially were in agreement with her request about porn, upon hindsight you've realised that you're not really comfortable with the idea of never being allowed to watch porn. then have the discussion that will surely come next. if it doesn't work... well then it's not going to work. Tit for tat doesn't work to smooth things out in relationships... All it does is drop the maturity level down and it then causes resentments. I can't believe after reading his post that her going out is a deal breaker.... It sounds to me that he wants to be able to look at porn and it not be a deal breaker... So it sounds a little like manipulation
Ouroboros Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 This is NOT an ultimatum! ul·ti·ma·tum a final, uncompromising demand or set of terms issued by a party to a dispute, the rejection of which may lead to a severance of relations or to the use of force It sounds a lot like an ultimatum to me.
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Based on his post, I don't think he wants to look at porn. "No skin off my back, I rarely look at it anyway" That's not his issue. He's looking for an excuse to make his GF stop seeing other guys. i think there is a difference between rarely looking at it on your own terms and then agreeing not to ever look at it and realising you're not okay with that.. not saying this is what's happened but if so, there's nothing wrong with that. i agree though that it seems like he is looking for an excuse to make his gf not see other guys and i don't think he needs to. OP, just have a conversation with her stating your boundaries and if she's not okay with it, you'll both have to come to a compromise or part ways.
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 It sounds a lot like an ultimatum to me. i think jazzari meant that because his gf stated it at the beginning of their relationship, and not somewhere in between the beginning and now, that it was more a statement of her boundaries and if he was not okay with it, then she wasn't willing to enter into a relationship with him - this is perfectly okay.
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 It is different when it is someone you hold a connection with versus a total stranger. Porn and strippers are not the same thing. Porn is visual. Male Strippers touch and are touched. It is a whole different dynamic.
Ouroboros Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Making rules to control others is never okay. If she found out he was into porn and decided she didn't want to date him then it would be fine. If she found out during the course of the relationship he was into porn, saw it as infidelity, and ended the relationship due to it then it would be fine. If the op wanted to terminate his relationship with a girl for playing footsie with other guys in their homes then it would be fine.
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 So my g/f has forbidden me to ever look at porn. She was upfront right in the beginning of our relationship and said if she ever found it on my computer it would probably be a deal breaker. No skin off my back, I rarely look at it anyway. However I want to bring up a point and see what you all think. Most men are stimulated visually... i.e Porn. Most women are stimulated verbally, emotionally ect. So if she has some pet guy 'friends' that she can go to for a good night out on the town (with no physical contact) do you think that could be a form of her getting her needs met in other places? Female Porn? If I look at a girls @ss walking down the street is that any worse then her sitting at a guy friends house getting a little gushy emotionally? Just asking. So she is allowed to date with the stipulation that should not be touching. Interesting. Is this ok?
Velociraptor Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 If a woman is going to forbid her man to watch porn... Then she better agree to have sex with him every single day. And come on... NO woman does that. Porn is good for the woman even if she doesn't watch it or like it... I'd think most women would get tired pretty fast if the man approached her for sex every single night every day for aslong as they are together. With porn the man can "relieve" himself that way without bothering his SO.
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Tit for tat doesn't work to smooth things out in relationships... All it does is drop the maturity level down and it then causes resentments. I can't believe after reading his post that her going out is a deal breaker.... It sounds to me that he wants to be able to look at porn and it not be a deal breaker... So it sounds a little like manipulation i didn't advise him to go tit for tat. i advised him to tell her if her interactions with other males are a deal breaker. then i advised that if the issue was really about the prohibited porn, then he should have that conversation with her. never did i say that he should say "oh well you can't go out because i can't watch porn" or anything like that.
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