Marathon915 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Hi there, My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me last Thursday. She told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and doesn't want to stay in the relationship. She says she still loves me as a friend. I'm in an awkward place because I've wanted to be single for a while. I feel like she is giving me the opportunity to pursue my single life guilt-free. And because I'm the "injured partner" I can reach out to her and keep talking to her as a friend without worrying about leading her on. My questions: 1) Do you think it's wise to email her and try to establish a post-breakup rapport? I miss her friendship. 2) Do you think she will ever come back to me? I loved our relationship and thought it worked well.
Kilty Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 1 - If you have no feelings for her then sure. A friendship with someone you are not in love with will be fine. Otherwise - most definitely not. 2 - She has told you she is not in love with you - unless she has a change of heart why would she come back. I realise this is not what you want to hear but maybe if you gave some more background to the break up and reasons behind it then we could advise more. But the core element is that you cannot be friends with someone you want back that does not want the same. No contact is the only way forward as anything other than that will push her further away
Fedor Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 She straight up told you she wasnt in love with you. I'm sorry but she aint coming back.
Author Marathon915 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Thanks for the advice. Here's some more background: I'd been studying for a standardized test for the past 6 months. I had less time to spend with her and she began to get used to my not being around. Also, I believe she was tired of hearing about the test or my career plans. Now that the test is over, I have more time and promised to be more fun, but she doesn't want to try. Also, we're both 25. Since the beginning of our relationship, when she was very much in love with me and I was not as interested, I maintained that we're not on a marriage track. That I wanted to have more relationships in the future and more time being single. For this reason, she must feel that being with me is a waste of time. She's not getting younger and needs to become serious about marriage.
Author Marathon915 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 2 - She has told you she is not in love with you - unless she has a change of heart why would she come back. What I'm wondering is, do you think she could have a change of heart? My first girlfriend wanted me back after I got over our breakup and moved on. I took her back and we had the most loving, awesome year of our relationship. Could the same happen here?
Kilty Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I very much doubt it from what you have said. Face it - if you were with a girl who you were in love with but told you that it was doubtful she wanted to be with you forever and have other partners how would you feel ? It appears you are being a bit selfish and are looking for a friends with benefits situation with this girl, giving little or no committment which will not exactly make her feel secure with you. If you are really and truly in love with this girl and want something more than that with her which involves serious committment (which it would appear she is looking for) then you will have to grovel and tell her this and mean it. Otherwise do the right thing and let her be. From the way the break up happened it could be that someone else is on the horizon anyway - maybe not. But normally if you take your eye off the ball then it can be very easy for someone to move on in there and give this girl what she wants. Thats not a criticism on you - that is my current situation. Your only chance is that this girl is testing you but it would be pretty mean if she wanted a more meaningful committed relationship, and you use that as a ploy to get back with her but have no intention of doing so. So if you do want that with her, can imagine spending the rest of your life with her then by all means try and talk to her. If it fails at least you have tried - but after that you will have to leave her alone
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