Not sure whether to break NC?

[2011]

Hi

 

So had this RL with a girl last year for about 8 months, we were both quite compatible, got on really well, and really seemed to click, and for all intents and purposes it looked like we were starting to go places then she got cold feet. She seemed to turn against me, said I had used her and hurt her which was a load of crap, we slept together a few times and then only after that when I basically put her on the spot about her getting cold feet she said oh you treated me like a piece of crap, which honestly I do not know where she got this from as we had a good time and slept together and it was great she never complained and if anything it was her that pulled me into the sack lol!

 

So things got worse from there she was giving all these mixed messages out like I still want to see you I don't want us to become strangers, I want to be "just" friends but on the same token would ignore me and be really hostile and all the rest when I tried to talk or make contact. I also accused her of meeting this other guy she said was only a long-term friend, I wasn't sure then but the more I think on it I don't think she did meet him but tbh I do not really know. She said I (me) will know when the time was right I would meet that special person etc.

 

I can't understand how she could go from the way she was to just not caring and telling me there was no future when she seemed so different only weeks before, all over a silly misunderstanding or something she concocted in her head that she never wanted to talk about and hear my side of the story. It's almost as if she made this thing into a mountain from a mole hill and was using it as a reason for BU or something as she never mentioned anything at the time that she felt hurt or used.

 

So from there on in I tried to give her distance but that never worked, we spoke occasionally but as before she was acting with a sort of low-level aggression and would cut me off and stuff when talking online and act just plain weird - she got slightly better over a few months but nothing great. So I really tried to stay away as much as I could, deleted phone number, FB, her online chat link and I never told her why just did it, I suppose I was a bit pissed about the way she was acting too.

 

This was all in the last six months and I have not heard a peep from her at all, nothing zip nill nada! since say March. Now despite the way she was acting I do not know if NC was the best option although I had to do it as it was getting us no where. I did not want to keep talking to her about it as she seemed to hate that but on the other hand how were we supposed to resolve anything by ignoring and not contacting. I don't know if you can see but I was stuck in between a rock and hard place with this, damned if I do and damned if I don't? If I had brought anything up about the RL she would have just said I am fine never even thought about it, doesn't even bother me and all that nonchalant crap.

 

So now onto my breaking NC, apologies for that long story but you have to read some history before offering any advice. So why do I want to break NC now, well I am trying to answer that question, I guess it might be some of the following:

 

1) To see where she is at, if she does respond I will be able to guage her feelings now, she may be even worse and hate me more. If she doesn't respond, which is almost 100% certain as she is very very stubborn, then it will not sway me either way. I have got to a point now where I do not have her on a pedestal any more.

 

2) To explain some things that I think she has misunderstood, that is why I cut all contact etc. I think she thinks I wasn't that interested as I never kept chasing her but then again she wasn't receptive to wanting to talk or resolve anything.

 

I know you are not meant to bring up the past and the RL etc but I think in this instance I should, but just in general terms more about how I felt and was confused at her actions and her reasoning and thus my decision to go NC.

 

It would be an email and that is the only contact I have for her now. Drilling down more I think the salient points I want to get across is:

 

 

• I was respecting her wish for space and I did not see anything productive coming out of communication.
  
• I think she was too quick to jump to the wrong conclusions.
  
• I never got the chance to explain my side of the story
  
• Couldn't understand why she never told me things sooner or explained how she was feeling
  
• Felt as if she had blinkers on and couldn't care less what I said
  
• Felt that she was always right and could never see how she might be wrong and lacked the capacity to question her own thoughts and decisions
  

I don't want ot sound mean but I want to be truthful and yeah make her accountable for things she done and her actions. TBH I feel like it is a closure email from me, I just wanted to vent to her and then this will make me feel better after all I think she deserve to hear what I have to say, whether she wants to or not.

 

Does anyone think this is a good/bad idea?

 

2011

[Mack05]

I would stay NC. When you leave someone go and they don't come back then it's never meant to be. I mean her not contacting you since March should tell you all you need to know right there! She has moved on, yet 3 Months later here you are still obsessing. Mate, I would let it go and try focus on yourself and moving on. I don't see how breaking NC in this situation can in anyway help you. It's over..Time to accept that fact and leave these harbouring feelings of your ex go

[2011]

Hi

 

I suppose you are right. Really all i wanted to do was have my final say more than anything but then again what is the point really. It's not going to make any difference.

 

2011

[confused1989]

2011 I know how you feel man. I pretty much always followed your story because it was similar to mine and I definitely understand why you would want to contact her. You were definitely in a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation. The exact same thing with me. My ex just got cold and started accusing me of things that were the farthest thing from the truth, said I hurt her, all of this stuff which was a complete load of BS and I wrote many threads on here because I couldn't understand for the life of me how I hurt someone by giving them all I could give them. I didn't do anything that I'm aware of that would have hurt her, and when I asked her about everything she would never give me straight up answers, just stupid things like "I always text you first in the mornings and before bed" which I found to be stupid because it made me sound like a cold distant boyfriend and that was the farthest thing from the truth. I was always initating plans to hang out and spend time with her, so I feel like she was picking every little thing apart, and if she woke up before me and texted me first then I'd get an earful. It was like I had to set my alarm to 5am to get my morning text in.

 

Anyway............ I couldn't talk about the RS or resolve anything because she clearly just didn't want to. And I felt like giving her space didn't make her miss me at all, it jsut helped her to get over me. But I learned that if it's that easy for her then she's not worth it anyway. I can name times where I fought for her (and i mean REALLY fought for her) at times when she was straying away from me (this isn't new to me, obviously) and I can't name one time where she seemed scared of losing me or ever fought for me so whatever.

 

I understand though. I feel like my ex manipulated me into cutting her off. It was clear she wanted to end stuff with us but she couldn't do it so I had to do all the deleting like you said you had to do too and this caused me a tremendous amount of guilt. I debated breaking NC and I did actually a couple of times and it got me no where. My ex now has a new man 2 months after I initially went NC but it was broken many times by her and once or twice by me but nothing of value was said. She really lost it when I deleted her from FB though (only did that 2 weeks ago, long overdue) and I haven't heard from her since other than a "hahahaha dunno why you did that" kinda thing.

 

Anwyay...... I know exactly how you're feeling and just wanted to throw all that out there. I feel like I had to deal with the same kind of girl. I second what Mack said, just stay NC and let it go. I debated asking the exact same questions to my Ex but knew it wouldn't change anything, and I'm to the point now where I don't want her back and don't want a friendship with her either anyway.

[2011]

Thanks confused1989 I think I remember reading your story. She done the EXACT same thing as what happened with your ex, she wouldn't actually say we are broke up and kept stringing me along saying oh yeah I still want to see you then totally ignoring me and acting as her and me meant nothing, I'll be honest she was a complete bitch about the whole thing.

 

I felt like I was manipulated into doing her dirty work and then once I had done it she would act all nonchalant and ignorant + all the mind games as if I had done something really wrong and was a really bad person. You are right why would I want to go back to that. I seen a nice side of her and I seen the nasty side and it is not a side I want to experience again.

 

My reasoning for contacting her again I know would get me nowhere, she would at best reply with some cheeky gobby reply and most likely wouldn't reply at all like she done the previous times I contacted her. She has a real chip on her shoulder about something and in my opinion it is not a healthy thing to have if she keeps doing that to people.

 

2011

[2011]

Here's a kind of apt song for us all it's supertramp called it's raining again. Here's the words and the most pertinent bit bolderised by myself:)

 

t's raining again

Oh no, my love's at an end.

Oh no, it's raining again

and you know it's hard to pretend.

Oh no, it's raining again

Too bad I'm losing a friend.

Oh no, it's raining again

Oh will my heart ever mend.

Oh no, it's raining again

You're old enough some people say

To read the signs and walk away

It's only time that heals the pain

And makes the sun come out again

It's raining again

Oh no, my love's at an end.

Oh no, it's raining again

Too bad I'm losing a friend.

 

C'mon you little fighter

No need to get uptighter

C'mon you little fighter

And get back up again

Oh get back up again

Fill your heart again...

[stray]

Never, ever break NC unless THEY ask YOU a direct question in which you can provide a concise and direct answer. Aside from that, the only other reason to break NC is if it deals with a legal issue of any kind.