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Can't forgive myself for making the wrong choice


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Posted

When I got with my ex, it was at the expense of his best friend, whom I was dating at the time. I fell for my ex while dating his friend and though I didn't physically cheat, I certainly did emotionally. Anyway, I felt like my ex was my soul mate. We got married, divorced two years into it, got back together and finally ended it for good about 5 weeks ago. Now, 4.5 years later, I've discovered that he only wanted me because he felt that he could be happy if he had what his friend had. I was just this object to him. He never truly loved me and has seen me as an annoyance in his life. I did everything for him. Helped him finish school, get a job, move to another city, pay his bills- everything. The minute he got what he wanted he left me.

In the end, if we talk and I mention how I feel used or hurt, he gets mad and says he doesn't want to be friends any more.

 

I hurt his bestfriend badly. I know I deserve what happened to me as a result, but I still feel horrible. I should have seen that he wasn't genuine.

Every moment I feel regret and wish that I had seen things clearly. I'm so angry at him and I have no outlet for that. I feel like a fool. I am so ashamed and just loathing myself.

 

I needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Posted
Helped him finish school, get a job, move to another city, pay his bills- everything. The minute he got what he wanted he left me.

I know. As a bad joke I tell my workmates everytime they talk about a prospect girl "Yeah, then you help her out, care for her, be there always, and two years and a half later expect a kick in the ass" :laugh:

 

But getting serious. This happened to me too. Helped her move to the new city, paying the rent, taking her to the doctor, clearing her mind, I did so much for her. But it doesn't matter. The fault is mine anyway, for not noticing from the beginning I was raising a child.

That is probably what happened to you too.

 

I now have it clear for my future. No more diaper changing for me, except for the ones on my beautiful children.What I need is a woman that knows what she wants in life and loves me exactly how I am, that's it. I don't have to be playing the good father raising nobody.

Posted

A positive thought for you, "you don't have to support him anymore in terms of monetary and/or emotionally."

Posted

Its okay,

You have paid the price , done the penance ..

 

You are only but human, and bound to make mistakes..

 

I would suggest reading this book

http://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/0671733419

 

Helped me a lot, will help you also in understanding the reasons as to why you took your decisions..

 

forgive yourself, its okay, you have learnt your lesson, maybe you can sorry to this other guy?

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