westernxer Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I cut off communication with such a person a few months ago because it was making me depressed. Aside from sporadic email contact, I haven't seen or spoken to him since. The guy carries a heavy load on his shoulders and uses it to gain sympathy whenever we are incommunicado for long periods of time. Doesn't help that I've known him since high school, but we went our separate ways afterward and have nothing in common, except when he's in the dumps and decides to reach out, even though I can feel his resentment toward me. It's something he doesn't hide very well, but I'm not going to get into that right now. He sent me a message several days ago to announce he was about to undergo a medical procedure, and I wished him well and hoped for the best. However, I have chosen to keep my distance, as I do not wish to renew a friendship of any sort. It's mentally exhausting to put up with someone who's always feeling sorry for themselves without taking responsibility, and I take no pleasure in adopting a hardened approach, but toxic people also have a tendency to make others feel guilty for their misfortunes. This is something I don't want or need, as I'm much happier when I don't hear from him at all. I don't want to have to tell him the hard truth, but it may reach that point if I feel like I'm being cornered. I've cut off other toxic people who got the message fairly quickly, but subtlety only seems to work for so long with this person, especially when he's in need of a lift. The cycle then repeats itself after months of dead air. Sometimes years have gone by without a peep, but then the same guy re-emerges, shackles and all. I've had it with this emotional vampire and wish I could bitch slap him Marlon Brando style, but that would probably be a waste of time. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, I need to keep my sense of compassion from getting the best of me.
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Been there, done that.. It's not easy to do, since you seem like me and really do value long term friendships and history, it still hurts a bit .. Though when one brings more crap into your life and makes you feel bad, isn't fun to be around or not much of a friend (one way street, you give, they take) it's time to distance yourself and walk away.
Author westernxer Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Contrast this with a college buddy I haven't seen in over 10 years... it was great to finally catch up with him, knowing we're on the same wavelength, despite his being a family man while I am not. I felt uplifted knowing I didn't have to denigrate myself or hide any personal successes, nor did I feel the need to commiserate in order to break any sort of awkward tension between us, even though there was none. It was a personal highlight for me, one that reinforced the necessity of surrounding myself with people who reflect me and what I stand for, instead of catering to those who are a drain on my vitality. Glad I'm not alone in my thinking. Edited June 13, 2011 by westernxer
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