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It's worst when they were your best friend before the relationship

Kathyy28

By Kathyy28
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Kathyy28 Member

Kathyy28

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My ex boyfriend broke up with me last month on the 18th. We dated for almost a year, but besides that we have known each other for over 12 years and been best friends for the past 10 years. I never in my life had seen myself with him because he literally was "just a friend" until 10 days before we started dating and decided to cross that line from friendship to lovers. This guy was the friend who I told everything to, hung out every night at my porch "especially since 6 years ago his family bought a house on the street next to mine". I was so opened to him as friends because like I stated before I never saw him more than just friends and also because I figured nothing would ever happened since I was never attracted to him in that way. He did at one point had feeling for me way back in HS but I wasn't aware of that till just a few years ago and according to him I was always his dream girl, the perfect girl who he didn't understand why I kept on dating these douchebags that kept hurting me over and over again.

 

When we started dating last summer it was fair to say that we both fell in love with each other very quick. I've been in other relationships prior this before, but I was kinda his first REAL relationship. I've never been the jealous type of girlfriend especially with him because we were friends before this and I knew how much he cherished the fact that I finally gave our relationship a try, but there were only two girls who at one point of our relationship who I did get jealous of. One was this much younger girl who he had an obsession with at one point and who she just kept on messing with his and his group of boys minds cause they were all after her. And the other one was this girl who he has never met in person but who he had a cyber relationship with for a while. They used to talk daily, text daily, had cyber sex, phone sex ect. And with her was more of an emotional attachment than it was physical and that's why it bugged me a lot more. I know that you must be like "you shouldn't worry about her, it's not like he would actually be with her in person." But I'm a girl, and seeing how much he cared about her and he has never met her in person really bugged me. Plus she is a very hot chick who kept on sending him nude pics of herself. I didn't mind their friendship at first until one day she texted him telling him that even though me and him are an item that he will always be her baby and she will be his. After that he had cut both ties with her by choice. I never forced him because I knew he was going to throw that at my face at one point. He told me that he cut ties with her because he realized that he had wasted his time caring for someone who he would never meet and who was just there for him on her own terms, not when he really needed a friend to lean on. After she was out of the picture our relationship had definitely had changed from good to great.

 

He had always promised me that those two girls were out of the picture, but earlier this week I came to find out that he took the first girl to get a tattoo at his friend's house and just earlier today I came to find out that he started to get back in touch with that internet chick from Georgia "We both live in MA". Him hanging out with the first girl really didn't bug me as much cause honestly she is a few years younger and she is not really all that bright. So I know her stupidity would end up annoying him sooner or later, but him getting starting to become close again with the other girl really did grabbed a toll on me. I feel like he is doing that to try to fill up the void between us. At the same time I feel honored that it takes two girls to try to fill up my shoes, "the first one to have someone to physically hang out with, while the second one to be someone emotionally there for him" but still. Ever since our break up I've been trying to better myself by going to the gym, and buying my first car, and work on myself and on what I did wrong in the relationship so I wouldn't make the same mistake again. But all he has done is spent all the money we had saved up for our vacation to go out and eat, drink, get in touch with these girls from his past and ect. I wish I could move on as quickly as he did, but it kills me that I've not only lost my lover but my best friend of 10+ years.

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Kathyy28 Member

Kathyy28

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I forgot to get into more about the break up

 

My ex has a history of breaking up with me every time we had some type of argument. Our relationship was literally 90-95% pure happiness and fun and the other 5%-10% was whenever we had some type of difference or discussion where he would break up with me. Like I said earlier I was his first real relationship and he never understood that it's okay to sometimes argue. The last time he broke up with me was on valentine's day, and we had happened to get into a small argument that Friday before the break up, we fixed it on Sunday and everything went back to normal that same night. We went out on a double date on Monday with his best friend and his wife "his wife and I have become very close friends" and everything was GREAT that night. On Tuesday night we had gotten into an argument because they had changed his schedule at work and we both were supposed to have had that Thursday off. That was the first day that month we had the same day off together and I had booked a hotel for us to get away from work and stuff and just relax and enjoy our time together. Since he told me last minute I got mad cause it was a surprise and then the next morning before I went to work he came over to break it off with me cause he thought we were arguing way to much.

Jman171 Member

Jman171

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I too lost a best friend after I was dumped by my ex-gf. It's sad because I really don't have a lot of close friends (she was the only good friend I had). But after the break-up I know I can't just be friends with her anymore, it's too hard on me to experience friendship when I used to experience friendship and love with her.

 

It sounds like your ex is really on and off about your guys' relationship. Maybe he just needs some time to think about what he did and why he did it. In the mean time have the time of your life and try to do something productive and exciting. Cause remember YOU are the most important person in YOUR life.

WiseOne1 Established Member

WiseOne1

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Wow, I know how you feel. It was the sameway with my EXGF.

 

Her and I were best friends for 6 years before we started to date. We actually use to sleep with the phones to our ears everynight. She helped me through my bad relationships and I helped her, one day we decided to date and that was it.

 

We dated 1 year and 3 months and then we broke up because her old NO GOOD ex returned and she no longer know what she wanted. Supposedly he admitted that he just wanted to see if he could break us up and the whole thing was like a challenge to him, and once he did he left and never called her back.

 

I took her back but things were never the same, she then says I stressed her out by being hurt by her freaking leaving me for her no good DRUG DEALING,CHEATING EXBF. So we broke up and talked maybe like every 2 months becuz I was too hurt over her dating a new guy, becuz I was still in love with her.

 

And now we dont talk at all, I haven't spoken to her in about 2 years. My pride won't allow me too ever contact her again, simply because I have a NEW number since last time we talked, so if any contact is made it would have to be by me.

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Kathyy28 Member

Kathyy28

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It sounds like your ex is really on and off about your guys' relationship. Maybe he just needs some time to think about what he did and why he did it. In the mean time have the time of your life and try to do something productive and exciting. Cause remember YOU are the most important person in YOUR life.

 

 

I am, I have been in NC for over 3 weeks. Before we broke up I was planning to buy a car and my ex didn't want me to because he was going to be sad that I wasn't going to depend on him anymore for a ride when I got off work. We both have complete different work schedules, he works from 9am-7:30pm and I work from 3pm-12am so we never really got to see or spend a lot of quality time together besides that 15 minute ride from my job to his and then another 30 minutes hanging outside my house. Also while we were dating we both had gained some weight so we used to go to the gym together since he had a membership and I was under his as the free guest. After the break up I finally ended up buying my car 2 weeks ago "yay!" and the first thing I did was sign up for the gym, and so far I have lost 6 pounds. Now for my ex, ever since we broke up it seems like he is doing the opposite. He's been going out drinking, eating and buying bunch of stuff when he is in huge debt already. Plus he is talking to those two girls from his past and he knows that that was my biggest fear. "Well the internet girl, not the other one" It just seems that while I'm moving forward with my life he is moving backwards and it hurts to see that. I just don't understand why from everyone he decided to bring that internet girl back into his life. Especially after it was him who supposedly came into the realization that she was no good. She is literally a bum, who spends her days smoking, drinking with friends and according to him she's a "sex fiend".

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Kathyy28 Member

Kathyy28

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Wow, I know how you feel. It was the sameway with my EXGF.

 

Her and I were best friends for 6 years before we started to date. We actually use to sleep with the phones to our ears everynight. She helped me through my bad relationships and I helped her, one day we decided to date and that was it.

 

We dated 1 year and 3 months and then we broke up because her old NO GOOD ex returned and she no longer know what she wanted. Supposedly he admitted that he just wanted to see if he could break us up and the whole thing was like a challenge to him, and once he did he left and never called her back.

 

I took her back but things were never the same, she then says I stressed her out by being hurt by her freaking leaving me for her no good DRUG DEALING,CHEATING EXBF. So we broke up and talked maybe like every 2 months becuz I was too hurt over her dating a new guy, becuz I was still in love with her.

 

And now we dont talk at all, I haven't spoken to her in about 2 years. My pride won't allow me too ever contact her again, simply because I have a NEW number since last time we talked, so if any contact is made it would have to be by me.

 

2 years?!? Wow it's been a torture not having my ex for those 3 weeks. I can't picture not having him in my life for 2 years. I just wish I knew ahead of time how this were going to end because this was the happiest 10 months of my life, but it was not worth losing someone I've known since I was 10 years old.

WiseOne1 Established Member

WiseOne1

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2 years?!? Wow it's been a torture not having my ex for those 3 weeks. I can't picture not having him in my life for 2 years. I just wish I knew ahead of time how this were going to end because this was the happiest 10 months of my life, but it was not worth losing someone I've known since I was 10 years old.

 

Well yea, those first couple of months were painful, very painful, I tried to hate her and do everything I could think of to make myself hate her.

 

Your right though, I guess I would have still rathered her in my life rather than nothing, the relationship wasn't worth destroying the friendship. Lol, because even when we were friends we were more like bg/gf only without the title and being able to date others.

 

Sadly though, last time I talked to her she told me "that leaving me was the biggest mistake and all she did is destroy a relationship with the only guy that truly cared for her" so she admitted that she made a mistake.

 

She also asked me would I take her back, and I told her the truth, that i would, but I could never be that loving, caring, and faithful guy anymore" that I had lost that part of me that made me put the women first.

 

Sooner or later you'll hear from your EX BF though, you and him are bound to have a run in again.

Edited by WiseOne1
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