JasonB Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Having a very tough day. 1 week of NC down. We were together 7 years and drifted apart. I thought about leaving all the time in the last couple of months, and then she ended up dumping me. I can't grasp why I'm so sad if I wasn't happy. Not sleeping well doesn't help either.
giuliano-3 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Its the whole dumper/dumpee cycle. You could be miserable to the point of wanting to run away from everything, but if they dump you it makes things different. It can make you want them back even if you know its not whats best for you. Some of us choose to make the breakup about our own faults instead of looking at why it happened. You were both unhappy, it needed to end. There are many stories to read here, take comfort in knowing that millions of people have experienced what you're feeling right now. Learn from our mistakes, hear our experience - try to take something from that to help you move on.
dangerstranger Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) Could have to do with being the rejected party rather than the one doing the rejecting. If you were unhappy and considering a break up the last few months, you probably gave her the signs that you were done- in essence, you rejected her before she took the bull by the horns and ended it for you. Edited June 12, 2011 by dangerstranger
light_vader Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Its the whole dumper/dumpee cycle. You could be miserable to the point of wanting to run away from everything, but if they dump you it makes things different. It can make you want them back even if you know its not whats best for you. This is so true. My man, I was in the same boat a couple months ago. In fact there were so many times in the relationship when I thought about dumping her... that it's ridiculous to think that after she dumped me I was devastated... like, I should have been happy!!! But not. Maybe I was so afraid of rejection and not finding anyone else, or simply I got used to be next to her like a damn puppet without my (lost) identity. Now I still have some issues you might read in my topic, but I am getting stronger each day and I think soon whatever she does or stops doing will be indifferent to me. I think in your case, of a really, really, really long relationship the pain can be that big because maybe... you don't have a life plan. And maybe you never did, and what would have happened should you be together now? Continue to be unhappy? Keep an unhealthy relationship? I know, because we tend to lose our identities in the ****ty relationships we have, so it's over and now your own self tells you "what now??? what is life????". You have to step up, get your **** together, try to clean up your mind and specially return back to your roots. What do you like to do? What are your projects? Now that you have the time what are those hobbies you always wanted to have, or have forgotten for her? What are your dreams? Can you fulfill one now? The reality is, the human mind is so powerful that we can very well enjoy ourselves for a while (which for others means loneliness), analyze life, work on our mental health, stay focused on our goals, make the things we always wanted to do as individuals and overall have a happy life. Don't let society put the pressure on you that you NEED to be with someone always and that kinda stuff... Obviously I'm just talking out of my head now because you didn't share too much details about your breakup, just maybe anticipating what could be your case.
Fufu Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 It takes time to heal, don't beat yourself to it. Right now, do things to make yourself feel better. Focus on yourself. 1 week of NC, it's big big achievement. Tell yourself, you can do it.
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