NewMoon2203 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I wont go into detail on my breakup since that all in other threads. But basically i was dumped after a nearly 3 year relationship about 2 months ago. At first i was crushed, and i kept desperately hoping that she would change her mind and take me back. Now i just... hate her, to be quite honest. Ive given her enough chances, done enough for her according to her 'terms' and what she wants. and she still never recosdered. So you know what? if she wont talk to me, and she wont take me back, thats her loss. i tried. So i wouldnt exaclty say im over her. because i know deep down she'll always be special to me. But like i said its been two months... And i recently found myself feeling...different... about a friend of mine. Ive known this other girl for a year and up until now we'd been friends, but recently Ive really felt like im falling for her. We have a lot in common, and she can always turn any situation around to make it seem better than it is. she makes me happy, even when im feeling really depressed. and she understands me better than anyone has in a long time. she really gets me, you know? I confessed to her my feelings. and I was afraid she might freak out and push me away. She didnt. she actually found it quite cute, and told me that she really cared for me also, and also said that she was willing to wait for me to figure out how i really feel about the whole situation before going any further. So now i guess im wondering. Is two months after a breakup too soon to be falling in love again? could this be just a rebound relationship thing?? because she's a really dear friend to me and i dont want to hurt her...
Author NewMoon2203 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Do you still think about your ex? yes sometimes but not in a "i love her and miss her way" just a "oh i wonder how she's doing" sort of way since we were friends before we got together. just common courtesy to wonder how she's doing. if i talk to her (because she's a big friend of my family overalll its sometimes impossible to avoid.) i never mention anything emotional, just.... being courteous. Any thoughts emotionally i have of her are negative, because im really annoyed she lied to me. but other than that... *shruggs* nope
light_vader Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Now i just... hate her, to be quite honest. If I may, I think, these feelings are not healthy. I believe part of coping with pain (some of it may never go away) is to forgive that person and yourself. Take some time to build up your self-esteem. Take some time to improve your life. Take some time to love yourself. That way you will have many things to offer to your new lover, instead of bitterness. From what I see if you hook up with this girl, and with the way you feel, it might be not fair to her. First, try to work out and clean your mind, let your EX go in peace. Then move on and think about if you want to get into a relationship or just keep on improving yourself (being lonely) for some time until you are completely ready. If you are asking, I think you're not ready. You still have doubts and your ex is well right in there, your mind, not in a peaceful state.
Author NewMoon2203 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Ive been working on myself. ive realised a lot of things since the breakup, and im seeing a therapist for various issues that before went unnoticed. I am working on bettering myself. Ive let my ex go in peace. like i said, if she doesnt want me then its her loss. Its not that the hating feelings are unhealthy (though they might be) just that i have trouble with attachements, and they way i veiw things. If i dont love someone (as a friend of as more), then i hate them. Theres not really a greay area for me. and thats a subconsious thing, and again, thats why im seeing the therapist to work on that because i know my perception of things like that is somewhat off. Im asking because i am unsure. and im not saying im going to rush right into a relationship with this other girl. That would be silly, i know it would. I just want to better understand my own feelings. If its just a rebound thing then i want to tell the other girl that lest she get her hopes up. We both care for each other, and she said she will wait for me to figure things out. So for now nothing has changed between us, and it wont until i undrstand myself better.
light_vader Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 If i dont love someone (as a friend of as more), then i hate them. Theres not really a greay area for me. Oh lord so you hate me? I'm just messing around but seriously... I think you need to get to the point where you just... dont care about your EX anymore. Where you are indifferent. Hating is like, still caring, but in a destructive way. That's a piece of my mind obviously. But I'm glad to hear about your improvement. Hope you can continue to make progress with your therapist, so that you might change your vision a bit and realize indifference is way better than hatred.
Author NewMoon2203 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 thank you. im getting there slowly
Axee Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 You are vulnerable right now and looking for love... You might feel different towards this girl right now but after some months when you have become stronger ,you might not feel the same and you might break her heart.. So be very careful, if you truly believe you are ready.. I think you are not else you would not be posting in this thread isnt it?
giuliano-3 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 You might go back and forth a bit on loving/hating/feeling indifference. I know I did. As long as you still have some tinge of hatred towards her then you haven't gotten to the point where you can move on. Says the guy who up until a week or so ago hated my ex for a year solid. People do what they do for reasons we sometimes never know. What's on her is on her, what's on you is on you. "maybe somewhere down the road a ways, you'll think of me and wonder where I am these days." When you think of her like this, without caring one way or the other if she does think about you or not, then you've moved on. There is no timetable for finding new love. For some it can happen right away, for others like myself they can be a year out and still not have found another. You'll know when you know. When the thought of her doesn't put butterflys in your stomach. When the thought of her in another man's embrace doesn't make you angry, sad or any other emotion.
Duckduckgoose Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I think Giuliano has the best advice so far... just my opinion. Its really hard to say you should only date again if you NEVER think about your ex... you are going to think about your exes and wonder about them the rest of your life. I'm gonna admit that since my ex-bf before I met my exH really dug the knife in deeply when I started dating my exH I wasn't trying to get back with the exbf but I was still bent on revenge on the guy. I had an ally in my exH, someone to cry out about the exbf and how he treated me so bad... I used the "protector" instinct that I know men have to my best advantage. But I still had really bad times when I was just down and out and it had to do with my lack of trust in men from that exbf... it was issues that I should have resolved before I dated my now exH. This time around though... now that I can see where I went wrong between the exbf and the now exH I am taking time out for myself... difficult as it may be, to resolve those issues. I've been to divorce care and counselling for known problems, and even though sometimes I feel like using that protector instinct on men to manipulate them a bit I fight it as much as I can. So I guess a question for the OP to ask himself is if he is just wanting the attention from this girl, is he trying to fill a void... or does he truly enjoy her company? Does he feel like he needs to get involved with her, or is he doing it because he WANTS to? Is there any issues from the past holding him back to where he can't give 100% of himself to a new relationship? When I get the pangs of lonliness I know I NEED to avoid a relationship because when you're starving, everything looks like food.
light_vader Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 When the thought of her doesn't put butterflys in your stomach. When the thought of her in another man's embrace doesn't make you angry, sad or any other emotion. This is great, I think this is what we all should strive for. Specially the second part. Hatred just makes you make that person important in your life, in a counter-productive way. Like having an enemy. When I get the pangs of lonliness I know I NEED to avoid a relationship because when you're starving, everything looks like food. This is great as well, but I think maybe you came to that conclusion because you matured well. Not everybody thinks the same and sometimes a rebound relationship or even a new one when you're not over your ex seems like the "solution" when all you do is being unfair to that new person in your life.
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