light_vader Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) Hello all... Well I think an important part of coping with one's pain is to express it... and what better than an online community with lots of people going through the same... at some point of their lives. So I decided to share my story. It's a bit long, but I'll try to make it short... Ok so I have always been a lonely guy. Not that I hate society or anything, and I'm not even antipathetic, just that I am very reserved... but once people get to know me.. they get a pleasant surprise, because in reality I am very funny (like, dark humor funny) and a life's philosopher on the go. So three years ago more or less... I decided to make changes in my life. It all started with going to the gym to lose the (well) extra kilos on my body... to shave 'em from my life. And six months later (around Oct. 08) I was well slim and ready to bulk it up. My confidence was pretty high and I felt great, so I guess other people notice. I had been lonely for a long time then, and this girl I met at work came to me, telling me via mail how she thought I was cute and hot and bla bla bla. So she hit on me basically. At first I didn't feel quite attracted to her, I didn't consider her very pretty, but she seemed interested, so I stupidly decided to go with the flow and asked her out... Long story short, we hooked up at the end of that month and then it all started. Now I feel like I shouldn't have hooked up with her out of pure loneliness or feeling fine about being complimented, which is something I am not really used to. After a couple months I broke up with her, since she got mad about everything. She just wasn't able to control her rage, and I got tired of it. I'm a very nice guy, like stupid nice because in the future I think I might play being a little more "interesting" and "in control of myself", not like the dumb-ass drooling for the woman. Anyway, she kinda felt really bad and contacted me several times, and then in the company's Christmas party she hold me and told me several things, to which I responded by basically... getting back together. I slept over that night and the other day was just us once again. Then the story repeats itself a couple more times, me breaking up, she asking me to come back. Then I started to fall in love with her and I couldn't just afford myself to lose her anymore despite her obvious flaws and then it was never me again who ended it. Months later in 09 I started having second thoughts about her honesty... so I decided to spy on her, thing that is pretty easy to me since I am... let's say... well versed in all tech-related topics... you know what I mean. I found out lots of lies she had told me, specially about her past, they bothered me but I decided to go on (past is past, you know?) but then I started feeling not that alright about the fact I was with a liar. As a matter of fact, as a friend of mine defined her last month, she is a "myth-maniac", you know... the stories she told me about her past life... are so unbelievable... they would deserve a topic of their own!!! We had a good time. In reality she is a very intelligent woman, she is beautiful, not like jaw-breaking, but she's got a good body and a pretty face (which is hard for me to overcome.. maybe I am being shallow at the extreme but I sometimes feel like I won't find a hottie so to speak to fall in love with me). She has also lots of good qualities and overall she is simplistic (can spend a day watching movies in the couch and having fun). When her testing time at work came due, she got hired and needed a place to move. Stupid me, promised her that I would move with her. So we went to find a place of our own to rent, we did, we bought the stuff, mainly it was me who got on a high credit card debt to pay for the things. Then we split the rent 50/50 from there on. There is however one thing I haven't talked about so far. My mom. Being a widow since a long time (my father died when I was little) she is very overprotected, even if I am now in my mid-late twenties (my ex has also my same age). And the one and only time I took my ex to mom's, mom later told me she didn't like this girl at all, that she seemed lousy and whorish... and other things. I didn't paid attention but in the end I never moved with my ex, just spend the weekends there and every other night of the week. My mom was devastated perhaps by the fact this girl took me by surprise and now I was never home and stuff like that (my mom would tell me when I got at night really late "welcome to the hotel"). So our relationship was a bit ****ed up from the beginning, I lost my identity and stopped doing all I liked, like playing my instruments (I am a hobbyist musician), going to the gym (I managed to pack all lost pounds again) and else. She kept on lying all the time to me and sometimes we would fight over it. Also she has this thing that a lot of guys hit on her and she's never able to send them off, continues to talk to them, believing they would be her friends (which can be bull**** and not really the way she feels, but in the end anyhow, once a man likes a woman, let's not talk bull****... she's going to be nothing more than your possible-chance-to-sleep-with-her-one-day-and-in-the-meantime-I-will-fake-being-her-friend thing), which bothered me a lot and I got jealous all of the time. The relationship also got boring as we barely did anything together more than cooking sometimes and watching movies at home, shopping or just going to the cinema. We both had our faults to make it more interesting. Also this time we went to a bar, and since I didn't like the way the singer sang, I let her know so, so she was pissed and from that day on she never wanted to go to a bar with me again. Also she treated me in no way special in my birthdays, some of which I spend with her (slept the past night and woke up in bed with her) which always hurt me since I felt like exchanging mom's love for my ex's... cold heart. She was kinda tender with me though, caressing and being overall loving at times, so the cold heart thing was just with some things in specific. The birthday thing is that one time I found out my present while she was showing it to a friend of hers at work, and instead of just laughing about it or anything she threw it at my face and accused me of doing it in purpose... talk about a ****ing charming birthday. So we had a lot of ups and downs. Sex was good, I wish I had been more of a porn star for her though.. I will be next time with another lucky lady... But then months before our breakup it became less and less often to the point we didn't have sex for a couple months before the breakup. Wish I had known it was the last time I would with her. In those two years and a half she broke up with me three or four times, but then the next day or three later either of us would just contact the other and continue as if nothing had happened. This was mostly triggered perhaps by the fact we work together, in the same area, and although we don't need work-contact at all we work very close and see each other all day almost. I never liked the fact I saw some messenger conversations of her with other guys flirting around... she is also the kind of woman you talk to and has to make a sexual innuendo out of everything!!! Which I hated... also since she is really social and outgoing I always felt like out of context when hanging around with she and her friends, since she would be always the center of attention.. and I'm the shy guy. I should have thought to myself back then "Why do I need to spy on her? I obviously have trust issues and this is not going anywhere". So anyway, I was boring and she had lots of things that I didn't like. One week before the breakup, back in April this year, I found out she was going to a bar with one of the guys that hit on her at work. And he told her not to tell me anything... and she agreed. So that night I said goodbye, I noticed she was there still with her regular clothes on, not hinting to go to bed... and I smelled like she would do it. I went home and hours later I went to her place (or ours) and she wasn't there.. I stood there all night, till 3 AM when she returned... and oh lord... she was shaking and making up lies (she is great at that, cold liar)... but I couldn't resist and told her I knew what was going on.. in the end she confessed and told me she just felt like she couldn't talk to me about some things, and how that week she was sad (about her dad being sick, since her family lives in a small city, and she came here to the big city in search for opportunities) and I didn't noticed... Anyway I broke up with her and went home.. then I repented like the idiot I was and the other day she looked for me at lunch, we went out and everything back together... One week later, the day before the break up I had noticed how she was flirting with this guy at work, and how the guy asked her if we could go to her place to listen to some music and bla bla they had a long chat. She even told the guy about our problems, my flaws, how she was unhappy with me. So that day at night I was decided to break it up for once, since I was sure she would cheat on me. I said goodbye at her place like always and she said she was going to bed.. Hours later I returned to her place just to find out the guy hadn't showed up, since he saw my car parked outside and freaked out plus he had something to do. She kept on lying to me about how she wasn't meeting anyone that day... and then I showed her the chat, printed and she had nothing to say... she was a bit embarrassed I could feel it but she didn't show it, she just raged on my about how controlling I was and how I was always spying on her bla bla.. We had a long chat and 4 AM she broke up with me... maybe impulsed by my words "If you always tell me you're unhappy with me, unsure of your love toward me... then have you gut no guts to end this relationship for once and for all???". The next weeks I didn't show up at work since I had talked to my boss about this (he's like also my friend) and he was the one that told me to take some time off... I was devastated... contacted her till no end, she said she was sorry, but it was all over. Then a month later I (for some reason or another, it's a story of its own) I found out she was hanging out with this guy she would mentally cheat on me that day we broke up, which happened to be an acquaintance of mine and that's what fills me with rage... how can you talk to someone and everything and then years later he can calmly tell you "Oh by the way I am ****ing your EX and I would have ****ed her even before you two broke up". Of course he didn't tell me anything but that's just me telling what he could very well express. So, on with the story, that night they both slept together, he left his car outside my ex's place. And you know what the worst part is? He was about to get married with his girlfriend and they even have a couple apartments on their own, the car is theirs.. .etc.. I called them both that night while I was standing outside, all in rage... they didn't let me in to "talk". So I found out his fiancee's number (which happened to have been in my workteam years back at the company) and told her all about it. She was kinda crying, thanked me and hang up. Then at 5 AM (this was all around 3) she calls me and asks me about my ex's address and all... she goes there, car still parked... and she makes this scene with the guy leaving my ex's apartment and she calling my ex a whore, "come down so I can kill you" and other things. That day I felt so liberated... I was happy not to be wrong and yes, she cheated on me mentally, and physically only God knows how many times could have been during our relationship. The next day (Sunday) she calls me and tells me why I had done that, how it wasn't her fault but the guy's since he was the one to want to sleep with her (stupid her, two are needed to screw, otherwise it's called rape), how much pain I had caused for her fiancee and if I had been telling anything about her being a whore. She calmed we talked a lot that day, she told me a lot of other bull**** and in the end I could sense she felt like a whore, good for her. She told me it was a mistake bla bla. In the end she hung up with me because obviously she was still bitter sweet. The next days where horrible and ever since we don't talk. My birthday passed by and obviously she didn't say anything (I hadn't had either, was her B-day) even if we came across each other in the hallway several times (Murphy's law???). I continued to spy on her a bit, and she apparently continued dating that guy, I don't know if he left his fiancee or is playing games. People have seen them together and all now. And people obviously comment about she being a bit lousy and him being not precisely a respectful guy. Anyway I don't know if they continue together or not but last night I spied her GPS location and she was near a motel. Since the GPS fails to pinpoint the exact location... I went to the motel, stood there, fixed my own GPS location and went back home, just to find out both locations matched, so she was in fact in that motel. I don't know if she's ****ing that guy or another guy she just met at a bar last night or who knows because apparently she is doing other guys... rumors have been there all along and all day guys stand on her workspace to talk to her and that kinda stuff... and I know for a fact that there are at least 5 guys hitting on her right now. I even got now stories about how lousy she was at college and all... So in rage I texted her (hadn't contacted her in a long time now) and told her how many did she slept with last week? last month? last two years...? For the first time she answered and told me to **** off, to go die and we continued to text each other with hurtful things, me being the charming sarcastic I am (not using big words but implicit messages) until she didn't texted back anything, I shared a piece of my mind with her told her once again I don't hate her or wish her bad, and just hope she really finds the answer for her true happiness, which lies inside her mind. So anyway, I have been great at work (which is cool, otherwise the bosses wouldn't have stood me for too much longer) and my mind is clear in many aspects. I don't love her, I don't hate her, but I still miss her from time to time. And hurts me to see she got over me so soon and is now spreading her legs like a maniac... and maybe it bothers me that a year ago we where so happy and I thought of her as a respectful woman despite her way to talk and all (stupid me then),and it bothers me I used to sleep with THAT!!! Makes me feel like an idiot now she's looking for sex anywhere. I know I shouldn't feel this way. We had a good time, and that's all, it's over, she can do whatever she wants with her life. If she wants to be a cheap whore or whatever it's her call right? Shouldn't bother me... but then why it does... I guess I'm still very hard on coping with this pain. She obviously stopped loving me a long time ago, if she ever did love me or just felt gratitude for me. But I loved her so much that it hurts. And each day that goes by I get stronger but then I need to be indifferent towards her, stop spying her... just realizing whatever she does with her life now is NOTHING of my concern. And whatever people think happened ("Ohh look she's acting like a whore now, probably the guy sucked at bed", "Ohh she's so over him, maybe he is just a lousy lover") I shouldn't care, all that should matter is how I feel with myself and healing a bit this wound, improving my philosophy, returning to my true identity and perhaps one day I will fall in love again with someone that loves me back exactly how I am. Thanks for reading... it was liberating to write it, even if there are minor details missing since the story is really long hehehe... like I forgot, during that post-breakup month she played around with me because we hung out several times and she let me caress her and take her hand and all... then I guess that's why I felt so in rage that night when she slept with the guy. Edited June 11, 2011 by light_vader Typos
yulaw911 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Just read all of this and all i can say is wow, she sounds like a real whore. Almost similar to my situation. She would always flirt with guys on Facebook chat and when id say something shed throw the whole "Your being insecure why cant you just trust me" speech. Its honestly liberating to HEAR how you ratted her fiance out to his woman. Im having the same sort of predicament. My girl really did me dirty and got with another guy 3 weeks after we broke up...im not an idiot i know for a fact she was talking to him before we broke up and a decent person would have given me an explanation or at the very least apologized but no. Not this woman, she ignored me and led things to escalate. I'm friends with her brother and hes not aware that shes been going out clubbing and drinking and i could easily say something to her and she would be on lockdown in a second. Shes middle-eastern so these things are hugely frowned upon. I know its petty and im stooping to her level but why not? If she could do something that horrible to me why cant i? Anyways, reading your post made me feel better
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