irc333 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 I was wondering, if a woman who is married or spoken for, still acts like she really needs attention, (ie - dressing skantily, flirting with other men, etc) does it mean her current relationship might be on a downward slope? Typically, a happily married woman or taken person, would not do this, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) No, it doesn't and sane ones don't. I have a ton of friends who do this and it annoys the crap out of me. Not married, but still dating someone else seriously and dressing slutty and flirting with other men anyway. And they are happy in their relationship. It just means they get an emotional high out of watching men look at their bodies and knowing men are attracted to them. I do think they are more likely to cheat though. Although there are exceptions. You can't know until you hear her talk about her boyfriend/husband though. Edited June 11, 2011 by Enchanted Girl Link to post Share on other sites
Brenfy Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 My sister is like that. She's married but she still wants the guys to want her. She rarely has girlfriends because she usually flirts with their boyfriends. I've never understood it. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Always wondered about this myself. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Beware of any woman who is married and flirts/attention seeks with other men, no matter how innocently, and has few girlfriends. Bad mojo. Don't try to figure out why, just avoid. It has nothing to do with 'happily' anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I was wondering, if a woman who is married or spoken for, still acts like she really needs attention, (ie - dressing skantily, flirting with other men, etc) does it mean her current relationship might be on a downward slope? Typically, a happily married woman or taken person, would not do this, right? Not a good thing. Very disresepctful to their SO. IT is easy to see that this probably goes even further than disrespect and ends in infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
angielove Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Eeeerrrr pretty sure women can dress however they want. It doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to get attention - maybe they just like how they look in certain clothes. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Eeeerrrr pretty sure women can dress however they want. It doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to get attention - maybe they just like how they look in certain clothes. Uuummmm pretty sure women cannot dress the way they want and stay married to a husband that does not want his wife to be slutting it up. Errrrrrrr. Yeah. Being married does not mean you can act in a single manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I also wanted to know the same thing too. One of my coworkers has been married for a long time. Yet he always hits on the male coworkers. She always asks them to come and sleep over. She has even said it infront of their wives. If I was one of their wives I would say something and not put up with it, even if it was a joke. I find it completely inappropriate. I mean is also someone's wife too. How would she like it if someone did that to her? I wouldn't be surprised if one day one of these guys actually came over to her house, asking for sex, if it hasn't happened already. She is asking for trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Ironically this woman always keeps tabs on her husband though. She phones him everyday at lunchtime, just to see what he's doing. She does it even if she has absolutely nothing to talk about. I find her to be a hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
angielove Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Uuummmm pretty sure women cannot dress the way they want and stay married to a husband that does not want his wife to be slutting it up. Errrrrrrr. Yeah. Being married does not mean you can act in a single manner. I was not saying that married women can act any way they want and not be seeking attention. Clothes are different. Some people wear certain clothes to get attention. But others wear clothes because they like how they look in them. Why is it wrong for married women to wear clothes that make them feel happy?! If they act in a flirtatious "single" manner, then yes I agree that they are seeking attention and doing the wrong thing. But if they are simply wearing clothes then I do not think they are trying to get attention or doing the wrong thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) I was not saying that married women can act any way they want and not be seeking attention. Clothes are different. Some people wear certain clothes to get attention. But others wear clothes because they like how they look in them. Why is it wrong for married women to wear clothes that make them feel happy?! If they act in a flirtatious "single" manner, then yes I agree that they are seeking attention and doing the wrong thing. But if they are simply wearing clothes then I do not think they are trying to get attention or doing the wrong thing. If the clothes that make a married woman happy are "inappropriate" then there is a problem. If the husband feels they are inappropriate then there is an issue. he may or may not be a jerk. But there is a problem. Just because it feels good or ok does not mean it is. So the answer on clothes is ... it depends. If she likes to go without underwear and flirts by giving peeks then maybe that is not appropriate. trying to give you an idea of what I am talking about. Women can increase their sex rank dramatically by clothing selection or lack there of. It can become inappropriate to her husband. If a married woman dresses seductively in an inappropraite way and claims she is doing for her or her girl friends and not attention from men she is only fooling herself. She still gets the attention. I like my wife to look good. I encourage her to dress more sexy when I am with her. It depends on the venue. I would be offended if she dressed overly sexy when not out with me. It draws the wrong kind of attention for the wrong reasons. Now a woman can dress well and look great and not have to be inappropriate. Edited June 12, 2011 by Entropy3000 Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 My ex did this. A complete attention seeker who flirted with other men non-stop. I hated it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 What's wrong with a woman wanting to dress in a way which makes her look attractive? Obviously it's not classy to dress like a slut, whether you're married or not - but what's wrong with wearing a figure hugging dress or high heels, or showing a bit of leg or cleavage? Surely any husband should feel proud to have a beautiful wife? Also, if you know you look good it makes you feel confident and boosts your self esteem - what's wrong with that? I agree that married women shouldn't act in a slutty way, but I really don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good so your husband is attracted to you and you feel good about yourself. Only an insecure man would feel uncomfortable about his wife looking beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
angielove Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 What's wrong with a woman wanting to dress in a way which makes her look attractive? Obviously it's not classy to dress like a slut, whether you're married or not - but what's wrong with wearing a figure hugging dress or high heels, or showing a bit of leg or cleavage? Surely any husband should feel proud to have a beautiful wife? Also, if you know you look good it makes you feel confident and boosts your self esteem - what's wrong with that? I agree that married women shouldn't act in a slutty way, but I really don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good so your husband is attracted to you and you feel good about yourself. Only an insecure man would feel uncomfortable about his wife looking beautiful. Thank you. You have, much more eloquently, summed up what I was trying to say! Only religious fundamentalists and controlling nutjobs dictate what their wives can and cannot wear. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Women can dress how they want but I am sure most women would not like their husband to be blatantly flirting with other women so why defend it when a woman does it? Why do some women feel the need to defend anything a woman does no matter what it is. I bet these are the same women who would raise a big fuss about a man looking at porn or going to a strip club. Link to post Share on other sites
angielove Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Women can dress how they want but I am sure most women would not like their husband to be blatantly flirting with other women so why defend it when a woman does it? Why do some women feel the need to defend anything a woman does no matter what it is. I bet these are the same women who would raise a big fuss about a man looking at porn or going to a strip club. I was only talking about clothes. I was defending a women's right to wear whatever the hell she wants to wear. I am not defending married women who flirt with other men. I also agree that this behaviour is wrong and unkind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 I was not saying that married women can act any way they want and not be seeking attention. Clothes are different. Some people wear certain clothes to get attention. But others wear clothes because they like how they look in them. Why is it wrong for married women to wear clothes that make them feel happy?! . Seems you're trying to twist this into a strawman arguement. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I don't get what the big deal is here. 1) Women can wear whatever they want - those who dress 'slutty' probably dressed that way to attract their husband in the first place. He doesn't really have a right to ask her to change the way she dresses just because he married her! 2) What's your definition of 'flirting'? I think there is some low level flirting between all mature and confident adults, including same sex. 'Flirting' doesn't have to be sexual or suggestive - it can just be two people having fun during a conversation. 3) Feeling good about yourself (with or without your partner around) and maybe having a fun, 'flirty' conversation with someone - then going home to a partner you love, respect and trust and who loves, respects and trusts you in return, is less harmful to a relationship than visiting strip clubs and watching porn on a regular basis. My partner likes it when I dress to look good (I don't do slutty but each to their own) and he really likes it when other men are attracted to me. He is very secure in my feelings for him and however much attention I get from other men (which I do occasionally - although I certainly don't 'seek' it) he knows I will always be going home with him. I feel the same about him. I love it when he looks good and other women find him attractive and want to talk to him, because I know he's all mine. Bottom line is I think you're getting your knickers in a twist about nothing. Being married isn't the same as being dead! We're all still human. Both men and women look at other people besides their spouses...and both men and women enjoy the 'attention' of members of the opposite sex - anyone who says otherwise is either 'fibbing' or kidding themselves. Provided everybody keeps their clothes on and their hands etc to themselves I can't see the problem. Unless the woman has a reputation for sleeping around outside her marriage (which I'm guessing she doesn't) it's nobody else's business what she wears or how she behaves. Perhaps her husband is very well aware of the effect her provocative dressing has on other men and perhaps he's happy to know that she's enjoying a bit of harmless flirting. The only situation in which this might be 'out of order' is if she was giving another man some serious sexual 'come ons' - touching him inappropriately, making rude or crude suggestions or disappearing into dark corners or empty rooms- or if she was 'flirting' with him on a regular basis with intent. The most likely explanation for her dress sense and her behaviour is that she's very insecure - perhaps she has a good reason? Maybe her husband was/is a player and she's caught him cheating - it works both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 how a woman dresses is completely and solely up to her. a man (husband or not) has no right to dictate what she wears and when she wears it. if she wants to wear a dress which reveals a bit of thigh, or a top that shows a bit of cleavage, or some sky-high heels or wear her hair in a "sexy" manner - all of this is not indicative of cheating or disrespect. likewise, if she decides she no longer wants to shave her armpits, it is not the place of her husband to tell her she can't - he can be unhappy with it, and he can choose to take that unhappiness as enough of a reason to leave her, but he has NO right to say that because she is married to him, she CAN'T dress however she wants. as for flirting, i'd say a bit of harmless flirting is healthy in all adult relationships. there's a huge expanse between flirting and cheating. if a woman has a conversation with another man and flirts a little, then what's the issue? she comes home to her husband, she loves him, and because she respects him and cares for him, she DOESN'T cheat. my mum's a huge flirt, and she and my dad have been together for almost 30 years. dad loves it that his wife is still attractive to other men, it makes him feel good about himself as well as her. it's so obvious that they're still very much in love that it makes me feel slightly nauseous sometimes! it's when the flirting moves into clear sexual suggestiveness that it becomes a problem. and overt sexual come-ons is no longer simply flirting. the only thing these things indicate to me is self-confidence. maybe the problem is the lack of self-confidence a husband clearly has if he thinks his wife might be cheating on him just because she might dress in a way that makes her feel good about herself and her body and she might flirt a little? btw, same goes for the reverse situation, not just a woman and her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) What's wrong with a woman wanting to dress in a way which makes her look attractive? Obviously it's not classy to dress like a slut, whether you're married or not - but what's wrong with wearing a figure hugging dress or high heels, or showing a bit of leg or cleavage? Surely any husband should feel proud to have a beautiful wife? Also, if you know you look good it makes you feel confident and boosts your self esteem - what's wrong with that? I agree that married women shouldn't act in a slutty way, but I really don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good so your husband is attracted to you and you feel good about yourself. Only an insecure man would feel uncomfortable about his wife looking beautiful. I don't think this is what is being talked about. Some women will dress up, increasing their sex rank if you will and then go flirt and other type of single behavior. What my wife wears when I am with her is one thing. What she wears on her own is another. She tones it down when I am not there as she should. What I have bolded is absolutely true and greatness. I want my wife to look smokin hot .... for me. No one is talking about a burka or whatever it is called. It is about bad behavior and seeking the wrong kind of attention from men. Life requires a little sublty sometimes. It is like porn. You know it when you see it. If guys are getting the vibe from the wife, then there is a problem. She shopuld not be shamed for being hot and sexy. However out of respect for her husband and her relationship she needs to understand and have boundaries. If she does not then she shows where her priorities in life are. I want other men to think my wife is nice looking. I do not want that to translate to them that she is on the make. Again one has to have a little finesses about them to understand the difference. Original post excerpt: ie - dressing skantily, flirting with other men, etc) Edited June 12, 2011 by Entropy3000 Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Women can dress how they want but I am sure most women would not like their husband to be blatantly flirting with other women so why defend it when a woman does it? Why do some women feel the need to defend anything a woman does no matter what it is. I bet these are the same women who would raise a big fuss about a man looking at porn or going to a strip club. I disagree. Then again I have a happy marriage and my wife respects me and I her. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I was only talking about clothes. I was defending a women's right to wear whatever the hell she wants to wear. I am not defending married women who flirt with other men. I also agree that this behaviour is wrong and unkind. Not if it is disrespectful to their partner. The partner then has the obligation to not allow his wife to treat him like a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
Intergalactic Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 What my wife wears when I am with her is one thing. What she wears on her own is another. She tones it down when I am not there as she should. yeah... there is nothing she should do for a husband, or anyone else. Original post excerpt: ie - dressing skantily, flirting with other men, etc what is scanty for one person may be perfectly reasonable for someone else, depending on personal taste, background, views etc. maybe a woman has a different opinion on scanty than her husband? seriously, unless she's butt naked and it's not a nude compound or beach, and what she is wearing is within the confines of the law, i don't see the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I don't get what the big deal is here. 1) Women can wear whatever they want - those who dress 'slutty' probably dressed that way to attract their husband in the first place. He doesn't really have a right to ask her to change the way she dresses just because he married her! He absolutely does. It is called marriage, not FEMDOM. If she disrespects him he has an obligation to not let her treat him like a doormat. 2) What's your definition of 'flirting'? I think there is some low level flirting between all mature and confident adults, including same sex. 'Flirting' doesn't have to be sexual or suggestive - it can just be two people having fun during a conversation. Putting out the vibe that one is sexually interested in the other. Playing just the tip with conversation. A level of seduction. A way to judge this is would it be right if the SO could observer this behavior yet them not being their. Would the SO feel disrespected. It is about respect you know. Boundaries. 3) Feeling good about yourself (with or without your partner around) and maybe having a fun, 'flirty' conversation with someone - then going home to a partner you love, respect and trust and who loves, respects and trusts you in return, is less harmful to a relationship than visiting strip clubs and watching porn on a regular basis. Flirting can be way more dangerous and harmful than strip clubs and porn. Women seek out other men not through strip clubs or porn ... usuallly. They go to bars and clubs to play at being picked up. It is fun. My partner likes it when I dress to look good (I don't do slutty but each to their own) and he really likes it when other men are attracted to me. He is very secure in my feelings for him and however much attention I get from other men (which I do occasionally - although I certainly don't 'seek' it) he knows I will always be going home with him. Hard to tell whther his trust is misplaced or not. I would call him atd naive. Maybe even a nice guy. Woman do seek attention. That is what is fun. To me it matters whether I am there or not. I feel the same about him. I love it when he looks good and other women find him attractive and want to talk to him, because I know he's all mine. Bottom line is I think you're getting your knickers in a twist about nothing. Being married isn't the same as being dead! We're all still human. Both men and women look at other people besides their spouses...and both men and women enjoy the 'attention' of members of the opposite sex - anyone who says otherwise is either 'fibbing' or kidding themselves. Provided everybody keeps their clothes on and their hands etc to themselves I can't see the problem. Unless the woman has a reputation for sleeping around outside her marriage (which I'm guessing she doesn't) it's nobody else's business what she wears or how she behaves. Perhaps her husband is very well aware of the effect her provocative dressing has on other men and perhaps he's happy to know that she's enjoying a bit of harmless flirting. The only situation in which this might be 'out of order' is if she was giving another man some serious sexual 'come ons' - touching him inappropriately, making rude or crude suggestions or disappearing into dark corners or empty rooms- or if she was 'flirting' with him on a regular basis with intent. The most likely explanation for her dress sense and her behaviour is that she's very insecure - perhaps she has a good reason? Maybe her husband was/is a player and she's caught him cheating - it works both ways. I hope your relationship can avoid the pit falls. You are explaining a situation completely different from what the OP was asking. Link to post Share on other sites
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