JC1997 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) This is a first for me, but here goes...Me and my "wife" seperated after 12 years and 4 kids(1 hers, 3 mine). Our split seemed like it was a long time coming, we both have/had our own issues, but never got the help we needed. Our kids were ultimately affected by this, and everyone saw it. I have always considered myself the more rational parent verses her more erratic/angry tactics. This has always bothered me and my family. However, we have had many many GOOD times and everyone said we were perfect, meant to be, etc. But we knew there were obvious issues that were never resolved. Unfortunately, I cheated long ago and I feel I was never forgiven for this. Years went by and we had two more children, moved to several houses, etc. I think she never really fully trusted me after....and in a sense I feel that I have been paying for it ever since. Anyhow, after several empty threats of seperating, it was agreed that it was time. We both understood it was for the better and told the kids....and we continued to live together to show them we as parents were still on good terms. During this time of "seperation" we both maintained our family life by doing things with or without the kids, called eachother babe and other names, still continued to have sex, and so forth. I accepted the fact that we were breaking up and even allowed another to "get in my ear". She provided me with comfort, "love", and appreciation..that felt good. All the while my wife struggled and stepped everything in her power up to make it work: lossing weight, dressing better, treating me better, best sex ever, etc. I noticed, but was distracted by another woman and honestly I felt "good" about all her begging and wanting to work it out now because I have tried for years and now she was finally gonna see what she had and was going to miss. Basically, I was enjoying my cake and eating it too. I stood my ground and denied her every atempt and we seperated(she still continued after we moved out as well). Well a month into our seperation I realized my mistakes and the woman I was falling for wasen't the one for me, she was just a distraction and I was a family man with a GREAT woman. But just as I figured this out, she backed off and said she wanted her space and for me to keep my options open. I knew someone else came into the picture...then I found out they had been talking/flirting for a month or two. She says it was just friends, but I know how it works...I had did the same thing: I found someone going through what I was going through, they apreciated me, told me what I needed/wanted to hear, and was now an outlet or an "option" for me(her). Thing is, she was still begging me and even had sex with me during the same time. This only made me want her more than ever, but she is stead fast on our split. At first she was responding with an "we'll see" approach, but now she says she is over me/feels nothing/wants to be single/and is enjoying it. That is heart wrenching! I have realized what I truely want: My family and her. I want to do counciling. And she seems not to care and is moving on quickly. It has been a month/month and a half since...she says/portrays that she is happy, started openly flirting with him on FB, deleted me and my fam because she doesn't want me/us seeing her business, she says they are getting to know eachother, her family knows about him now and she even introduced them to our kids at some point, but she tell my daughter not to discuss there time together with me. I am so confused!! How can someone be together for so long, have 4 kids, have so much time/love invested, and still jump into something so quickly?? Is this a rebound relationship?? Is she just playing me to get back at me?? Is she REALLY moving on? I mean they have been avalible to eachother for only month or so. I am aware that they problably met up for lunch/coffee/exchanged emails/and had been FBing(by the way, at that time he had a girlfriend!!) He seems to be a big flirt, he has added many other women/flirted and my wife seemed to be blind to this and still kinda threw herself at him for the attention. She is worth so much more than that. She has ALWAYS carried herself to a high standard and would comment about "dumb women" that behaved this way and now she is the one doing it. What gives?? During the month that she has said she was done, I have been changing who I am, doing indiviual counciling, and begged her numourous times. I realize the begging problably isn't helping and have since stopped. But she has made no attempt to fix her own issues...it's like she is using him to get over me or not address the real issues. That I can understand to a point because he may very well be a simple rebound just to get her confidence back/feel loved/build herself back up. But why is she introducing him to our kids, telling her fam about him(They had suspected and asked), and now she is talking him to a mutual friends wedding(she kinda threw that at me just to piss me off I assume). Anyhow, now I feel like I am just rambling on....any advise will help. I know I need to concentrate on me and my kids at this point and am doing my best to be there for them. I just feel so helpless in regards to her. I would love to see her refocus on our original plan of seperating, finding out what we really want and what is really important, no guys/girls as distractions, and then date for a while...THEN see if it was worth getting back together later on down the line. It seems she has totally gotten off track/distracted/swept off her feet in this regard and now I might loss her forever. Am I thinking WAY too much?? Is it just her getting things out of her system or what?? Please help!! I just don't see how this guy can be the ONE for her...it's way too soon, he seems like a big flirt, he has two kids(and she is always stressed out with just our 4....6 kids seems like it would be too much), 4 years younger, and has none our our history from the past 12 years. I think he is running game on her. I really want to believe she is still in there somewhere!! Edited June 11, 2011 by JC1997
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