yolatanga Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I finally let someone near me after being single for the first time in 8 yrs. We see each other a lot. Not one date though. We go and hang out with others. We kiss passionately and he leaves. No sex. He doesn't even try. Uggh, that can't be good. He doesn't say anything about it afterwards. I tell him how "hot" that was. No reply. I asked him today what his deal is since I cannot for the life of me figure him out. I asked him if he was dating/kissing other girls in a joking way since I want to know. Nothing wrong with asking right? I thought this was a normal question. He has not answered me. The silence is my answer. So annoyed and feel like an idiot now. Now what do I do? We are too old for such silly games.
Damien Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Yep, what Jazarri said. I'm pretty sure the guy's dating someone already =/
Author yolatanga Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 You are both right. Turns out he went back to his ex for the upteenth time. They have to keep this dysfunctional relationship a secret. How lame is that? His friend told me last night. He breaks up with her and begs for her back. This has been going on for 2 yrs. Funny thing is that we talk/text daily. He visits me, buys me things, wants to hang. Why? Today I let him have it. I told him that him not being honest with me is a deal breaker. He said it is complicated and he understands me not wanting to be friends. What is so damn complicated about being honest? So he let our flirting and kissing continue why? I feel like an idiot. Now I feel bad for sticking up for myself.
Author yolatanga Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Update. We decided to forget the whole thing and remain friends. That has been working out so far since we see each other often. He went on a business trip and told me he was back, but not his gf. He ignored her for the first few days he was back. He broke up with her the other night. He has come to see me twice thus far and still texts. We talk and laugh. That's it. He goes his way, I go mine. What does he want? Also, I want to know is why he has not told me they are over? He has no idea I know. I suspect he might go back. I still have a crush and I don't want to. He is dangeriously dysfunctional obviously. I can't get him out of my head.
TaurusTerp Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I finally let someone near me after being single for the first time in 8 yrs. We see each other a lot. Not one date though. We go and hang out with others. We kiss passionately and he leaves. No sex. He doesn't even try. Uggh, that can't be good. He doesn't say anything about it afterwards. I tell him how "hot" that was. No reply. I asked him today what his deal is since I cannot for the life of me figure him out. I asked him if he was dating/kissing other girls in a joking way since I want to know. Nothing wrong with asking right? I thought this was a normal question. He has not answered me. The silence is my answer. So annoyed and feel like an idiot now. Now what do I do? We are too old for such silly games. But asking a serious question in a joking manner and then getting all worked up over a non reply is not game playing, right?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Just take a set amount of time away from him, completely No Contact. Three weeks, maybe? And see how you feel without this drama around you. Probably better than you do with it. I think he's a waste of your time.
thatone Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 He has no idea I know. I suspect he might go back. I still have a crush and I don't want to. He is dangeriously dysfunctional obviously. I can't get him out of my head. this is a byproduct of general female insecurity and fear of initiative. you wanna know how you stop thinking about him? tell him you don't want to be friends, and he shouldn't call you anymore. and if you have to go a couple of weeks without any male attention due to that, so be it. then you'll sleep like a baby.
KathyM Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Why waste your time with someone who is not emotionally available to have relationship with you? Life is too short for that. Find someone who you don't have to share with somebody else and isn't still hung up on his x wife.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 But asking a serious question in a joking manner and then getting all worked up over a non reply is not game playing, right? It isn't game playing. I have a best friend who game plays all the time. She tells men what they want to hear and messes with their head just enough to make them all want her, even though she doesn't want any of them, just the attention. She KNOWS what she is doing. In fact, we have conversations all the time about how she knows how to manipulate men. My other friend, on the other hand, is kind of emotional. A lot of guys like her and she winds up confusing them sometimes. She never tries to attract or hurt them purposefully though. She's actually a very naive and innocent person. I have to explain social things to her and why people do them on a regular basis. She doesn't play games. She's just acting like herself. Learn the difference. A girl playing games is one trying to purposefully hurt and manipulate men (and yes, they are out there.) But a girl being emotional and hurt, especially in a situation like this where the guy is the one manipulating and messing with more than one girl's heads, is not her playing games. You are very, very clueless.
TaurusTerp Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 It isn't game playing. I have a best friend who game plays all the time. She tells men what they want to hear and messes with their head just enough to make them all want her, even though she doesn't want any of them, just the attention. She KNOWS what she is doing. In fact, we have conversations all the time about how she knows how to manipulate men. My other friend, on the other hand, is kind of emotional. A lot of guys like her and she winds up confusing them sometimes. She never tries to attract or hurt them purposefully though. She's actually a very naive and innocent person. I have to explain social things to her and why people do them on a regular basis. She doesn't play games. She's just acting like herself. Learn the difference. A girl playing games is one trying to purposefully hurt and manipulate men (and yes, they are out there.) But a girl being emotional and hurt, especially in a situation like this where the guy is the one manipulating and messing with more than one girl's heads, is not her playing games. You are very, very clueless. Perhaps you should re-read the OP. She asked the question as a joke, while admitting that she had been wanting to know for awhile and it was very important to her. That is not "being emotional and hurt", that is her manipulating the guy instead of having an adult conversation. Just because you have a friend that is better at playing games doesn't mean the OP isn't doing the same to a lesser degree.
Author yolatanga Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Perhaps you should re-read the OP. She asked the question as a joke, while admitting that she had been wanting to know for awhile and it was very important to her. That is not "being emotional and hurt", that is her manipulating the guy instead of having an adult conversation. Just because you have a friend that is better at playing games doesn't mean the OP isn't doing the same to a lesser degree. Wow, who knew asking a normal ? is being manipulative and game playing? Talk about exaggeration. Sounds like you may have been played bad. Gee, I can't imagine why?
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Perhaps you should re-read the OP. She asked the question as a joke, while admitting that she had been wanting to know for awhile and it was very important to her. That is not "being emotional and hurt", that is her manipulating the guy instead of having an adult conversation. Just because you have a friend that is better at playing games doesn't mean the OP isn't doing the same to a lesser degree. It's behaving like a child to ask if someone you are interested in is seeing other people? I think that's normal. In every relationship there comes a time when you need to have a conversation about being exclusive or not. She asked it "jokingly" because she thought he was on the same page as her. Of course he'll say no! was probably what she was thinking. It's like how sometimes my boyfriend and I say jokingly to each other when the other one leaves,"Off to see your other boyfriend/girlfriend, are you?" But if one of us were to say,"Yes, actually, I am." It would destroy the other one. Maybe she didn't go about it in the most adult manner, but that doesn't mean she was playing games.
TaurusTerp Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 It's behaving like a child to ask if someone you are interested in is seeing other people? I think that's normal. In every relationship there comes a time when you need to have a conversation about being exclusive or not. She asked it "jokingly" because she thought he was on the same page as her. Of course he'll say no! was probably what she was thinking. It's like how sometimes my boyfriend and I say jokingly to each other when the other one leaves,"Off to see your other boyfriend/girlfriend, are you?" But if one of us were to say,"Yes, actually, I am." It would destroy the other one. Maybe she didn't go about it in the most adult manner, but that doesn't mean she was playing games. They haven't even been on one date, and just made out. They are extremely far away from needing a conversation about exclusivity - I think if you re-read the OP you will see this. This wasn't a joke - it was a dead serious question she couldn't bring herself to actually ask. "We are too old for such silly games" - but not old enough to have serious conversations about things that are important to us?
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 They haven't even been on one date, and just made out. They are extremely far away from needing a conversation about exclusivity - I think if you re-read the OP you will see this. This wasn't a joke - it was a dead serious question she couldn't bring herself to actually ask. "We are too old for such silly games" - but not old enough to have serious conversations about things that are important to us? And which part of that is her being manipulative and playing games?
Author yolatanga Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 They haven't even been on one date, and just made out. They are extremely far away from needing a conversation about exclusivity - I think if you re-read the OP you will see this. This wasn't a joke - it was a dead serious question she couldn't bring herself to actually ask. "We are too old for such silly games" - but not old enough to have serious conversations about things that are important to us? What in sam hell are you talking about? Why are you twisting my post and getting all upset? Geesh, take it down a notch.
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