mleung999 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Need expert's advice: Had a nice first date last night. What started out as just coffee turned into drinks+dinner as well. The signals were there. She kept on asking me to accompany her on a trip she's going to, but my schedule wouldn't allow it. So I turned it around and asked her if she wanted to accompany me on an upcoming trip, by which she agreed. Now comes the weird part. As we are parting ways, I said that it was nice to meet her, and she responds with "nice to meet you to, AS A FRIEND", and she repeated this a couple of times, after which I just said "You've already made that pretty clear". Normally, that would be the end of it, but then she asked "Do you normally ask your friends to go on trips with you?". So, this last statement got me to thinking, is she using this statement as some sort of test to see whether or not she's special in my eyes? Would love to hear what you guys/gals think, and how should I respond here. Thanks in advance! Michael
OpenBook Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 She seems to be saying, "I see right through you. I know you dig me. You want more than friendship from me, in spite of my insistence that that's all it will ever be." A bit arrogant, if you ask me.
carhill Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Welcome to LS She'd perhaps be a good draw as social proof on your arm while you pursue other options. If she otherwise strikes you as someone you can get along with, that's an option. Another potential is what women say and what they do are often very different things. Here's my advice: Do what *you* want to do. Don't pay attention to her words, short of 'don't touch me, creep'. Fugetabout figuring out what she's thinking or feeling. Waste of time. Good luck
Cee Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I don't think she has earned the title "friend" yet. You only spent time with her once. I only travel with people I know very well and enjoy their continuous company. It sounds like she's impulsive and thinks going on a trip would be a novel idea. But it sounds miserable to me. I would rescind the invite. And tell her if you stay friends, then you can travel together.
Author mleung999 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I don't think she has earned the title "friend" yet. You only spent time with her once. I only travel with people I know very well and enjoy their continuous company. It sounds like she's impulsive and thinks going on a trip would be a novel idea. But it sounds miserable to me. I would rescind the invite. And tell her if you stay friends, then you can travel together. Yes, the only reason why I invited her is since she brought it up in the first place. I think she knows where I stand, so is the best course of action just to drop off the face of the planet and of she calls, she calls? That last question she posed to me just threw me off.
Cee Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Yes, the only reason why I invited her is since she brought it up in the first place. I think she knows where I stand, so is the best course of action just to drop off the face of the planet and of she calls, she calls? That last question she posed to me just threw me off. I think the last question was her ungraceful way of saying that total strangers don't normally go on trips. And it was a test question rather than adult dialogue. I have been impulsive about accepting invites like that in the past, but I say later, "I thought about it and it's not a good idea." And yes, I agree that the best course of action is to not contact her and if she calls, she calls. I think you have assessed the situation very well.
Professor X Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I think she knows where I stand, so is the best course of action just to drop off the face of the planet and of she calls, she calls? Seems like you got it covered.
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Another potential is what women say and what they do are often very different things. Here's my advice: Do what *you* want to do. Don't pay attention to her words, short of 'don't touch me, creep'. Fugetabout figuring out what she's thinking or feeling. Waste of time. Good luck That's starting to be my philosophy in life. Short of telling me to take a hike, her words don't mean anything.
Author mleung999 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Have you made a move on her? No. Which is why I'm tempted to wait a few days and ask her whether she wants to go.
vsmini Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Oh good! Tests already and the date's not even over yet! So she invites you on a trip and then you invite her on a trip and she questions why you would do that? Go about your business and let her call. Seriously - put that phone down and don't call her. You aren't playing a game at all - only for the fact that she kind of left it strange at the end of the date. I wouldn't say this is red flag but a bit pink if you ask me. Keep your eyes and ears open and don't let this girl play mind games. Many girls that just want to be friends actually just want an ego boost and like having another guy want them. It's gross. But I'm a reformed mindf*cker.
rafallus Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No. Which is why I'm tempted to wait a few days and ask her whether she wants to go. And probably this is where the whole "friends" talk comes from. Not sure if she just got impatient or if she already wrote you off as a lover, you'll have to find that out.
spiderowl Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Whatever she's doing it sounds confusing. Basically, if a woman emphasises 'friend', I would take that to mean that she doesn't want more. I don't think that if a woman refers to a male as a 'friend' that that means she would never want him to be anything else. However, in your case she mentioned it twice and quite deliberately by the sound of it. I think she's messing around and sounds a bit arrogant. She did ask you on a trip and you couldn't make it - maybe she didn't believe it was your schedule that was the problem and was hitting back at what she thought was a rejection of her. Who knows? You could try to clarify things a bit with her but if nothing becomes clearer after a brief discussion, I think you're better off out of it. She'd probably drive you mad with her mixed messages.
youngskywalker Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Only one way to find out. Get a second date and kiss her.
vsmini Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Sounds like she wants a way out. Just in case. She might be interested but might change her mind later on. So she can always say "well i just wanted to be friends."
dangerstranger Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 That's weird- and way too many mixed signals. She asks you on a trip first and you can't go...You then ask her and she accepts, and she accepts "as a friend"... Why did she ask you in the first place, then question YOU asking the same thing? Weird. If she was constantly reinforcing the friendship avenue- don't contact her. I guarantee you she's going to contact you if she doesn't hear from you after the date. She sounds like a bit of a game player- if you want to suss her out, simply don't contact her.
youngskywalker Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 If she was constantly reinforcing the friendship avenue- don't contact her. I guarantee you she's going to contact you if she doesn't hear from you after the date. She sounds like a bit of a game player- if you want to suss her out, simply don't contact her. Agreed. Keep this in mind OP. You obviously have some romantic attraction and aren't looking for friendship. I wouldn't go on a vacation with a girl who doesn't romantically like me in the same way. That would really suck big time. She does sound like a bit of a game player so you're going to have to bust out the moves and do some playing yourself. Or, just move on. Your delusional if you think actively pursing this girl in an orthodox way is going to win her over.
Author mleung999 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Thanks all for your feedback! Looks like No Contact is the way to go here. And glad I'm not reading it way off course here, I do think it's some sort of weird game she's playing to get me to say something to the effect of "I like you as more of a friend" During the date, I was a gentleman, and treated her right. Touched her lightly, but didn't get over-affectionate. So, she knows where to get more of this, should she choose So by mentioning it deliberately, you guys/gals think that it's more of a ploy to get a response from me?
youngskywalker Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 So by mentioning it deliberately, you guys/gals think that it's more of a ploy to get a response from me? Could be. But, you're talking yourself into believing that she's playing a game to get you. When in essence, she's already told you she's only looking for a friendship with you. My vote is she's not really into you. I've never had a girl tell me she wants to be a friend when actually she wants me. Just doesn't happen IME. Rest easy tonight though. If she's interested she'll call you. Have you made it her turn to make the next move? If you've placed the ball in her court then let her make the move. If you get a second date, make out with her.
dangerstranger Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Thanks all for your feedback! Looks like No Contact is the way to go here. And glad I'm not reading it way off course here, I do think it's some sort of weird game she's playing to get me to say something to the effect of "I like you as more of a friend" During the date, I was a gentleman, and treated her right. Touched her lightly, but didn't get over-affectionate. So, she knows where to get more of this, should she choose So by mentioning it deliberately, you guys/gals think that it's more of a ploy to get a response from me? It's either a ploy to get more attention from you, or she means what she says and is only into a friendship. If it's the former, it's a huge red flag and indicative of someone that is incredibly insecure- if it's the latter, well enough said. Either way, why would you want to engage in further contact with this person? Either scenario is a lost cause.
Dust Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Did you pay for the date? Don't get so caught up in the words if you like her. As long as you don’t think she is doing it out of disrespect and you see this going somewhere I say you continue. After a few more dates you can make her your gf.
Author mleung999 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Did you pay for the date? Don't get so caught up in the words if you like her. As long as you don’t think she is doing it out of disrespect and you see this going somewhere I say you continue. After a few more dates you can make her your gf. Yes, of course I paid..
Dust Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Yes, of course I paid.. Did you kiss her? You should have.
Author mleung999 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Did you kiss her? You should have. Was going to, until she laid that whole friends thing. Lol
youngskywalker Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) Was going to, until she laid that whole friends thing. Lol Hmmmmmmm interesting. That changes things a bit. Women know how to read signals very well. If you were building up to a kiss, trust me she knew it. Maybe that's why she dropped the friend bomb. How did the situation unfold? She could be playing hard to get but the problem is: when women play hard to get they play little games. Normally, they don't come out and tell you they just want to be friends. Do your best to get a second date and see where it goes. If it doesn't end in a kiss or it's the same song and dance then bail. Edited June 12, 2011 by youngskywalker
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