ttompson9 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4 months now and I have never met someone so compatible with me in my life. She had 12 sexual partners before me and two of them were one night stands even though she's 22. Despite this, I managed to get over it, although, I'm not too happy with the one night stands. The thing that I'm struggling to get over is that she lost her virginity at 13. This is obviously a very early age to do such a thing and she says she got pressured into it by her friends and wanted to try it. The reason I'm having a hard time accepting this is due to principles. I believe that girls who lose their virginity easily at a young age are not mentally strong enough to be my future partner. She has also referenced several times where she was pressured into having sex by a guy. She is incredibly in love with me and she can't stop thinking about me. I really want to love her but losing virginity that young for me is problematic. I feel I have three options. The first would be to break up with her but I know this would break her. The second is to try and get over it but I need to talk with her in depth about it so I can understand her thought process. Thirdly, I can try and forget about it but this would mean being in an unhappy relationship, which for me is out of the question. I would love to hear people's opinions, especially if you've been in a similar situation as me or my girlfriend.
rawtoxic Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I would suggest you watch the movie "Chasing Amy" Might give you some reflections to the situation at hand. Maybe even watch it with your girl. Also try not to judge people! Here is the best match you've found in this life, that is rare enough but now you have to be hung up on your insecurities when you should be enjoying the relationship! Why do you have to understand her thought process of something she did when 13? I mean don't you understand women and their development? Have you ever made a mistake? What if having sex at 13 seemed like a good idea for you at the time? I had sex at 13 with an older girl next store to me, did not scar me, never had relationship issues because of it! Actually probably helped me - more experience! I have not had too many issues except for one person in the relationship will usually be more sexually experienced or diversified and you just need to be accepting of this especially if this is a person you love with.
smudge21 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 It's called a past because it's in the past. From what you say it's clear she's not happy about what happened and therefore is trying to forget about it, but clearly cares for you enough to be honest with you. You can't change the past so all you can do is continue to beat yourself up over something you can't affect and was not your responsibility. My recent ex was 21, had slept with 9 men and lost her virginity at 14. Did it bother me, no, not really. What those other guys had with her was not what we had. They were just short term experiences. I know from her they didn't treat her that well and were just part of her growing up, finding herself, going through all that pressure stuff teenagers get. She too was not happy with her past, but it was her past. She couldn't change it so had to live with it. She did, your girlfriend does, and so can you. You're her future, it's what happens from today and onwards that matters.
Author ttompson9 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Thanks guys that's helpful. I'm not sure whether this stems from any insecurities I may have but the stories she tells me about the guys she's been with seem like she easily gives into pressure starting from her early sexual experience. The way I feel is that some day with a bit of alcohol she could possibly do something stupid due to pressure. She also said that she had those one night stands because she was drunk and wanted sex. My thought process makes me think she might be better off with someone else who doesn't think as much as me. She's not regretful of her past but even if she was it wouldn't make a difference to me. I think also it's hard as I have a vivid imagination and can't stop thinking about my girl doing that at such a young age when I was still watching cartoons.
selena_cat Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) Thats the point,you were watching cartoons,she was giving it up. Sorry to be blunt but thats what happens so, Yes break up,big time. I personally am not interested in anyone's seconds or thirds. i wouldnt want to be with a guy whose been with tons of girls,why would you want to be with a girl who couldnt cross the legs and say no? Hey, i'm a gal so I can say this without remorse. And If it was a guy who was running around i'd say the same thing. No matter what anyone says,or thinks your the one who has to be with her knowing her past. Some people just dont want to be the 100th person their partner has been with,can you blame them? Maybe this is an extreme example,do you think the Royal family would approve of their Royal wedding if Kate was a little Ho running around? Why cant you have the same right? I dont care if she was 13 or 30,sure kids that age can be careless,I knew a girl in my class who was actually pregnant at 13! This was junior High school! And its sad,as I look back I wonder,where were her parents? like your girl,perhaps she did not grow up with a strong sense of self. Nor did her parents instill a sense of responsibility in her,and let her know the dangers of possible teen pregnancies. Still,Thats not your problem. If your uneasy and uncomfortable with her past,and being guy number 13 or 130,thats your call and your decision. Dont let anyone call you prude either. As a woman who didnt have much mothering or stable family life,I didnt run around the streets of New Orleans giving it up to every Tom and Harry,( left out the second name) especially at a young age. Most girls that age want validation from guys and she probably fell into that,and thats too bad. However, that is her life, who knows,maybe she'll find someone with equal notches up his bedpost they can trade stories. Look,do what your guts or instinct tells you to,you can never go wrong with that. All I know that hopefully when you started dating this girl you were smart enough to get tested... Edited June 27, 2011 by selena_cat
Lauriebell82 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 If you can't or don't think you can get over it then you should break up with her honestly. She is obviously and embarrassed about it, why would you want to make her relive that? It sounds like you are more concerned over what the break up with do to HER, which I can understand. But that's not a positive reason to stay with someone....
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