Saxis Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 1 Currently dating ....upcoming 3rd date? Well, the dating fell through due to distance, but we got on well enough that we're keeping in contact as friends, so... Online dating is like shooting in the dark, but I sent out another round of 10 or so messages. I'll report back on those...
Author oaks Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Well, the dating fell through due to distance, but we got on well enough that we're keeping in contact as friends, so... Sorry to hear that. How long was the journey?
Saxis Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Sorry to hear that. How long was the journey? Had to cancel the third date, as she had the stomach flu and went to the ER. Trouble finding a time to reschedule with the distance, hence calling it quits. A date once or twice a month just wasn't worth it. Too bad, seemed like it had potential. I'm trying to narrow my distance down again, but there's just not much online activity around here. After sending out those 10, I'm not finding much else I'm interested in.
Saxis Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Be sure to let us know if you get another date. Will do! One other stat I've noticed... At least 75% of my messages are generating a profile view, so they must mostly be interesting enough not to hit delete immediately.
Jono85 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 my problem, and i really am confused at it, is girls responding to my initial PM and being attracted to me at least physically from the pics, and after a couple emails back and forth, either she offers her MSN, or i ask for something, and she gives me her MSN to talk more, and then i NEVER see them on MSN. actually one girl even told me to add her to facebook, but a week went by and she still didn't accept my request lol yet i saw her in my news feed somehow becoming friends with other ppl, so i just cancelled the request. i also sent that girl an email on POF saying in the future it'd be more mature to just tell me you're not interested, or simply not respond. she didn't reply to that after reading it.. the point is many girls i get talking to, and are obviously physically attracted enough to respond and talk to me, and even ask me questions, and give me their MSN chat contacts...but then thats it. i never hear from them anymore and they never seem to be on MSN. like why the **** did you give me your MSN/Facebook if you're not interested in chatting more?? mind you this is POF and a lot of these girls are cute 20-23 yr olds...and i know they must get TONS of attention. so maybe its just an immaturity thing.
Author oaks Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 my problem, and i really am confused at it, is girls responding to my initial PM and being attracted to me at least physically from the pics, and after a couple emails back and forth, either she offers her MSN, Cut out the whole IM thing entirely. If there's enough attraction to take things further, then go for a phone call. "Thanks for your MSN. What's your phone number?"
Jono85 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Cut out the whole IM thing entirely. If there's enough attraction to take things further, then go for a phone call. "Thanks for your MSN. What's your phone number?" true. just from my experience seemed like most of them want to go from emails to msn, then phone number. but maybe these girls aren't like that. k would it be bad now to shoot them a msg like 'so i've yet to see you on msn and well we both know we need to talk, so send me your number ' or something?? or should i forget those ones..
dispatch3d Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 my problem, and i really am confused at it, is girls responding to my initial PM and being attracted to me at least physically from the pics, and after a couple emails back and forth, either she offers her MSN, or i ask for something, and she gives me her MSN to talk more, and then i NEVER see them on MSN. actually one girl even told me to add her to facebook, but a week went by and she still didn't accept my request lol yet i saw her in my news feed somehow becoming friends with other ppl, so i just cancelled the request. i also sent that girl an email on POF saying in the future it'd be more mature to just tell me you're not interested, or simply not respond. she didn't reply to that after reading it.. the point is many girls i get talking to, and are obviously physically attracted enough to respond and talk to me, and even ask me questions, and give me their MSN chat contacts...but then thats it. i never hear from them anymore and they never seem to be on MSN. like why the **** did you give me your MSN/Facebook if you're not interested in chatting more?? mind you this is POF and a lot of these girls are cute 20-23 yr olds...and i know they must get TONS of attention. so maybe its just an immaturity thing. That's standard girl behaviour at that age. Eventually you just get over it and stop caring that they all flake a TON. I think if you asked them you'd get a lot of the princess complex - ie. he needs to call me, I need to be chased, etc. etc.
NicoleM Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 My online stats have been all over the place. The one guy said hey do you have Yahoo messenger?? I said no and then he asked the next day. What part of I do not have Yahoo Messenger do you not understand?? Next guy said hey I don't use OKC alot can I give you my number?? I text him we talk,etc and then he asks me point blank what are you looking for?? I said no games and poof he is gone. Weird how people are......
dangerstranger Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Cut out the whole IM thing entirely. If there's enough attraction to take things further, then go for a phone call. "Thanks for your MSN. What's your phone number?" I'd bolt with this suggestion. I get too much anxiety over phone calls. I like to take things in a different direction. POF, to my email, to texting, to a meeting.
good_vibes Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It depends on the person. I can't stand electronic messaging - emails, txts, etc. So many guys want to txt anymore and I feel like that's so wimpy. CALL ME... I'm actually impressed when a guy calls and doesn't text, anymore. I think that's why I can lose interest in online dating emails so quickly, because the format is lame (for me). Meeting someone in person and then they call me is MUCH better. At least for me. I put something similar in my profile as well, b/c I don't like to email forever, either. I'm busy and not doing this for a penpal.
dispatch3d Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I'd bolt with this suggestion. I get too much anxiety over phone calls. I like to take things in a different direction. POF, to my email, to texting, to a meeting. make sure you tell the guy that. It's not like pof->email->texting->meeting is standard MO for this stuff. There are no user manuals, so assuming he's on that kinda page is unreasonable....
GivenUp0083 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 That's standard girl behaviour at that age. Eventually you just get over it and stop caring that they all flake a TON. I think if you asked them you'd get a lot of the princess complex - ie. he needs to call me, I need to be chased, etc. etc. I was going to say the same thing. 20-23 is a horrible dating age. You don't know what you want in life, you're not fully developed as an adult, you're most likely not on your own or financially independent. Casual dating and getting drunk hookups at parties is more common at this age than beginning long term relationships.
refurb Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Best kissing move ever coming up on this post. I've done this a few times and every girl told me it was the best way to kiss them ever. After you've been out and you've had a great night out together, you start walking her home, or to her car, or to the next busy street to find a cab.... As you're walking together and talking, just stop. She'll take a couple more steps, realize you didn't follow, turn around and look at you with a semi-confused look. You look her directly in the eyes, walk a few steps up to her, and kiss her. They LOVE that move. My last GF couldn't shut up about how awesome that was. Nice! I'm putting this one in my back pocket! RF
refurb Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Where do you live? How old are you? I'd consider myself extremely lucky to land 5 dates in a ten week span. I guess part of it has to do with the time of year it is s well. Not only that, you claim they were all QUALITY! Wow! I would say I only really went out with what I would call 5 total quality women out of like 20. And of those 5, I reconsidered the quality of a couple of them after a few dates. I'm 32, never married, lived in Boston. Of course when I say they were all quality girls, I mean they had nothing seriously wrong with them that would make them generally undateable. I approach online dating as an opportunity to meet new people, nothing else. So if I went on a date with a girl, had a good conversation over a drink and it went nowhere after that, I didn't consider it a loss. RF
refurb Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 You must the luckiest guy online. I've never heard that good of % in terms of the people looking better than photos and all being quality people. Hope you landed one. Ehh... the two that I really clicked with petered out after I moved away at the end of the summer. I was actually really amazed at the girls that were doing the online dating thing. Lots of doctors, lawyers and other young professionals. I've lived in some pretty rural areas in my 20s and it was a pleasant surprise finding so many available women who seemed to have their stuff together. I'm moving to SF this summer and will give it another go. We'll see if I have the same luck! RF
Arikel Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I'm 32, never married, lived in Boston. Of course when I say they were all quality girls, I mean they had nothing seriously wrong with them that would make them generally undateable. I approach online dating as an opportunity to meet new people, nothing else. So if I went on a date with a girl, had a good conversation over a drink and it went nowhere after that, I didn't consider it a loss. RF I think you have the right approach to it, bravo and good luck in SF!
GivenUp0083 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I'm 32, never married, lived in Boston. Of course when I say they were all quality girls, I mean they had nothing seriously wrong with them that would make them generally undateable. I approach online dating as an opportunity to meet new people, nothing else. So if I went on a date with a girl, had a good conversation over a drink and it went nowhere after that, I didn't consider it a loss. RF I hear the dating "odds" swing in favor of the men as you get past 30 years old. I'm 28 in Chicago. I think women here just have way too many options and I just get overlooked. I hear you on not losing anything, it just gets really annoying to try and think of a way to start a conversation with these women based on a profile, and you get nothing back after weeks of effort. Just not worth my time in my opinion just for a "chance to meet someone". I meet new people all the time in my daily life anyway. It's like running 5 miles to the grocery store downtown when there's a convenience store right around the corner, and the food is most likely going to be better than the food downtown.
Author oaks Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Sounds good! I'll try and remember that if there's another date with this one. Mini-update: another date is scheduled.
refurb Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I hear you on not losing anything, it just gets really annoying to try and think of a way to start a conversation with these women based on a profile, and you get nothing back after weeks of effort. Stop "putting in weeks of effort". I would msg maybe 25% of the matches I got every day (eHarmony makes the first contact just a multiple choice quiz). Takes maybe 10 seconds. Then I would go through each day and move to the next "stage". Often woman would stop replying, but I never noticed because I was always msging new women each day. By the end of the summer I looked back to see who never replied and was actually surprised. I think a key to dating (at least for me), is to have options. Now, that is NOT treating each woman as disposable, but rather knowing in my heart that if this girl doesn't work out, there are other girls who might. I never got tied up in one girls in the early stages (after a few dates that obviously changed). RF
Sanman Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) Interesting thread I just has some time to look over my OKC Stats. 635 women contacted 99 replies/conversations 12 women dated (I may have missed a few) 6 women multiple dates 3 relationships of at least 3 mos From reply to relationship it has been about 50% my decision to stop contact and 50% their decision Of note, all of the women dated from there are of the same/similar ethnicity as me (not Caucasian) Edited June 17, 2011 by Sanman
Sanman Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 That was a very wise approach, had you messaged to as many Caucasian women as you had done to your own, your rate of response i am sure would have been drastically lower. The 635 includes all women I have contacted. As does the responses category. Only the dates were with women of the same ethnicity. However, within ethnicity, I would say about 33% respond to me online.
JJ The PUA Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Women just get too many messages on most of the online dating sites because of the skewed male to female ratio. On POF I think the ratio is as high as 20:1. Even an extremely unattractive female will get a lot of mail on a site like that.
Author oaks Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 On POF I think the ratio is as high as 20:1. Can you substantiate that? I've heard lots of figures, but all of the "I think... " or "I heard..." variety. So I assume they're all made up.
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