thatone Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) There's no way this is better than real life. Real life girls aren't getting hit on nearly that much. Like 10 guys a night maybe? And that girl was really hot, and would reject them immediately (so it maximized number of guys hitting on her). Most girls go to the bar and get hit on 1-2 times tops if they are lucky. All this kind of convinces me of is these sites are something you put up a profile, and see if some girl hits on you. Otherwise, don't waste your time. I would rather play video games for 2 hours than craft a message that (best case scenario) 10% of women respond to. a lot of them are the same as real life where i am. i live in probably the second best neighborhood in the city for meeting single people. there are 3 bars within a couple of blocks, twice that in higher end restaurants, and two of the bars have the best local assortment of live music in the city. it's not apartment buildings, it's a mix of high end single family houses and houses converted into two apartments, all historic (100-125 years old) so it attracts the artistic crowd, in addition to being host to the largest hospital in the city so there's all the doctors/nurses as well. even with those odds highly in the favor of single people, you will see the same available women on the dating sites that you see in those 3 bars nearby. why wouldn't they do both? if they're looking for a no strings/one night type deal they can walk to the bar. if they're looking for boyfriend material they shop the dating sites for the professionals who don't have time for the bars because they're knocking down 60-80 hour weeks at said hospital. Edited June 13, 2011 by thatone
Author oaks Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 4 dates in 4 months from OLD seems pretty average, if not good, for a dude, IMO. Nothing worth shaking a bitter stick at. Not sure what the average is, but I agree. I'm happy to have had some dates recently, and even happier that one of them is still talking to me.
TuffCookieX Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Is there a way to actually look up stats? I can't find either on POF or OkCupid... or are you guys actually keeping track yourselves? lol
Author oaks Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Is there a way to actually look up stats? I can't find either on POF or OkCupid... or are you guys actually keeping track yourselves? lol PoF makes it so hard to check if you've already sent a message to someone that I found it easier to keep a list. On OKC I just counted what was in my sent messages folder.
TuffCookieX Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 PoF makes it so hard to check if you've already sent a message to someone that I found it easier to keep a list. On OKC I just counted what was in my sent messages folder. Ah, I see. Well, the inbox fills up with 300 messages and I have to delete them a lot. I'll say I probably get 400-500 a month and I have a total of 5 sent messages in like... the past year. My response rate is much higher on POF, probably because I also get more messages but I feel like the men on there are better looking lol
GivenUp0083 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) My rough stats are hard to determine in terms of the number of women I've actually emailed, but over the sporratic time I used OLD I'd equate it to a year of actual effort, using sites Match.com and OKCupid: Let's say 600 women emailed over this time period, could be more. 52 responses to 1st emails 20 went nowhere after 1st email or so 10 of those had multiple emails/calls/texts but ended up flaking out when time to meet 21 1st dates 1 time I was stood up, went out a different time anyway and I ended up rejecting her a 2nd date 3 rejected me for a 2nd date 10 I rejected for a 2nd date/didn't call them again 11 lead to 2nd date, actually all lead to at least 3 dates 10 Made out with me 7 had sexual experiences with me 2 lead to Long Term Relationships with me I guess looking back I'm fairly "successful" once I get the date. I've actually been complimented by many women on my first dates that I make dating "fun" and "not as awkward as they thought it would be". The problem I have with this, is that they accept multiple dates with me because they haven't had many good dates before me and they go out with me for the wrong reason. This wrong reason ends up not holding up after a few dates, and after being lead on for 3-5 dates I think that something is developing, only to find that they liked who I am and think I'm a great guy, they just weren't that interested in me in the first place, they were just surprised and happy to have gone on a normal date for once. I blame my sales skills and career for this. The amount of heartbreak and confusion and stress I had over the girls I actually met was not worth it one bit. I won't go back. I find it hard to justify paying to online date, let alone paying for a woman to go on a date with me ever again. Edited June 13, 2011 by GivenUp0083
irc333 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 This wrong reason ends up not holding up after a few dates, and after being lead on for 3-5 dates I think that something is developing, only to find that they liked who I am and think I'm a great guy, they just weren't that interested in me in the first place, they were just surprised and happy to have gone on a normal date for once. Ah, I see, they're just using you as a basis of comparison with a bunch of crappy dates, so they only continue to see you based ONLY on that comparison. I've gotten responses from women for that same reason, apparently I was the ONLY guy who wasn't a perve or creep and had a semblence of intelligence that contacted them (so far). Basically, you were just slightly ABOVE the bottom of the barrel...at least in their eyes. lol
GivenUp0083 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Ah, I see, they're just using you as a basis of comparison with a bunch of crappy dates, so they only continue to see you based ONLY on that comparison. I've gotten responses from women for that same reason, apparently I was the ONLY guy who wasn't a perve or creep and had a semblence of intelligence that contacted them (so far). Basically, you were just slightly ABOVE the bottom of the barrel...at least in their eyes. lol The bolded is definitely some exact words women have told me to my face on dates. One girl pretty much admitted flat out that I was the only guy who wasn't a creep so that's why she's going out with me (that was a quick first date as I "remembered suddenly I had to do laundry that night"). But I don't see it as being just above bottom of the barrel. I know I'm a catch and I make a great boyfriend or SO. I'm fun, I'm in shape, I'm moderately attractive (I get the "you're cute" compliment a lot), I have good friends and family, no drug addictions, no STD's, no criminal record, and a steady paying job. The problem is that most women in my area or age or whatever just can't see that value. That's fine, they realize it eventually, it's just usually too late when they do.
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Did you try www.idating4you.com ? I would love to hear a summation for you about that site! Thanks I'll have to try that.
AmericanHoney Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Let's see I have been on OKcupid for a little over a month now and I get some visitors and I visit back but their profiles are boring! One photo?? Nothing about what the do,etc. I get some quivers and again check out their profiles message them but they never message me back whatever moving on...... I finally get some messages ( yes!) and we talk for awhile and it usually ends up not going anywhere because we have zero in common and we don't click so why would I even bother meeting them in person if we can't even click through messages?? Online dating can be fun but it can also be a pain because you have to sift through so many people and decide is this what you really want?? Do I want to date a hunter when I am vegetarian?? Do I want to date someone who loves spending 24/7 on video games?
Author oaks Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Did you try www.idating4you.com ? I would love to hear a summation for you about that site! Go spam elsewhere and not in my thread or I'll have to report you for the 5th time. Grrr.
Author oaks Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Heading back from 3rd date with current woman. Enjoyable evening. She paid. Chemistry seemed good until I was only offered a cheek to kiss. She gave me a kiss on my cheek, too. Hmmm. I think my report card would say "B- Must try harder."
daphne Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 S'ok. The last guy I dated was nervous and I think we kissed on our 4th date for the first time. Or was it 3rd. I don't know. But I liked that he was ok with the slow route. Made me feel pretty good, because most of the time guys are trying to speed things along like we're on the freakin autobahn.
Author oaks Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Well, slow works for me... so long as it works for her, too. I guess I should ask her, that's usually the advice from here.
daphne Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I don't think talking is the thing. Kissing is an action not a question! However, you can always lean in subtly and take responsiveness cues to see if she's ready. Remember Hitch. Lean in 90% and let her chip in the rest.
Author oaks Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Yes, that's the other usual advice from here... "just kiss her already"
refurb Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 That's actually not too bad. Last summer, I did the following: 500 matches 150 girls contacted 30 positive replies (maybe 5 unsolicited msgs, I only replied to two) 8 girls I actually went on a date with (two were initiated by them) 3 girls went on multiple dates with That was in the span of about 10 weeks. I think it has a lot to do with expectations. I had pretty low expectations and saw it as nothing more than a way to meet a lot of people in a short period of time. I was actually very pleasantly surprised. All the girls I went on dates with were quality girls (obviously some weren't good matches on a personality basis), all of them were better looking than their photos and I met a girl who was honestly one of the most impressive people I've ever met. RF
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 338 women mailed, that's quite a lot. Glad you have a good third date though!
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Best kissing move ever coming up on this post. I've done this a few times and every girl told me it was the best way to kiss them ever. After you've been out and you've had a great night out together, you start walking her home, or to her car, or to the next busy street to find a cab.... As you're walking together and talking, just stop. She'll take a couple more steps, realize you didn't follow, turn around and look at you with a semi-confused look. You look her directly in the eyes, walk a few steps up to her, and kiss her. They LOVE that move. My last GF couldn't shut up about how awesome that was.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 That's actually not too bad. Last summer, I did the following: 500 matches 150 girls contacted 30 positive replies (maybe 5 unsolicited msgs, I only replied to two) 8 girls I actually went on a date with (two were initiated by them) 3 girls went on multiple dates with That was in the span of about 10 weeks. I think it has a lot to do with expectations. I had pretty low expectations and saw it as nothing more than a way to meet a lot of people in a short period of time. I was actually very pleasantly surprised. All the girls I went on dates with were quality girls (obviously some weren't good matches on a personality basis), all of them were better looking than their photos and I met a girl who was honestly one of the most impressive people I've ever met. RF Where do you live? How old are you? I'd consider myself extremely lucky to land 5 dates in a ten week span. I guess part of it has to do with the time of year it is s well. Not only that, you claim they were all QUALITY! Wow! I would say I only really went out with what I would call 5 total quality women out of like 20. And of those 5, I reconsidered the quality of a couple of them after a few dates.
daphne Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 All the girls I went on dates with were quality girls (obviously some weren't good matches on a personality basis), all of them were better looking than their photos and I met a girl who was honestly one of the most impressive people I've ever met. RF You must the luckiest guy online. I've never heard that good of % in terms of the people looking better than photos and all being quality people. Hope you landed one.
Author oaks Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 As you're walking together and talking, just stop. She'll take a couple more steps, realize you didn't follow, turn around and look at you with a semi-confused look. You look her directly in the eyes, walk a few steps up to her, and kiss her. Sounds good! I'll try and remember that if there's another date with this one.
Pasttense Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 sphinxerator There are lots of specialized dating sites around; there very well could be one or more targeted toward your race. Do a Google search.
Author oaks Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 i wouldnt do that. if shes not totaly into you youll be the bigest creep on the planet if you try that one. i have and she freaked out Assuming I get another date then I'm sure I'll get at least a hug rather than her freaking out. I'll let you know.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 i wouldnt do that. if shes not totaly into you youll be the bigest creep on the planet if you try that one. i have and she freaked out Ummmm, if she's not totally into me after what I think is a great evening, then I want to find out RIGHT AWAY if she's into me. Guess what? If I go in for that kiss and she shoots me down because she's not into me, then I'm not wasting another date on her. What people don't understand: women will go out with you before they know, or even if the know they aren't into you romantically. Just because she goes on a date, doesn't mean she wants to be with you or likes you. Kissing early, usually 1st or 2nd date, is a way to protect your heart from being lead on and saves your wallet and time from being wasted with a girl who isn't into you.
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