josephin Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Hi,i met this guy 2yrs ago.he is 38yrs old and married.unluckly his wife cannot conceive as they have tried looking for medical help in vain.So he aproached me and at first i was reluctant but i gave in when he assured me of his plans to devorce his wife for me.i have been patient and this being my second year with him,he has never done anything he told me except that he wants me to give him a kid first then he can fully take me in.he has never introduced me to any of his family members and he denies being with me when his friends tell him that they suspect we have an affair.if we spend time out till odd hours he has a bad quarrel with his wife.at the moment he really ignores me coz at first he could call me 5 times a day bt this has been reduced to one or two calls a day or totally no call at all.i have tried dialogue with him bt he just assures me that he will take care of everything yet there is no change.well he wont let go of his wife and seemingly he is not ready for me.i feel really disturbed as am tempted to leave him though i really find it hard coping up alone again. PLEASE ADVICE ME SERIOUSLY:sick:
Royal Guy Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Hi Josephin, I can't really say what he intends to do but he surely isn't letting his relation break, he is stuck to it as obviously he would have peer pressure and family pressure to keep going with that relation. It would really be tough for him to leave his wife it seems. I don't want to sound harsh but thats what I could make out . It will be better if you try to clarify with him what he wants once and for all and not take his " Everything would be taken care of " reply. I know it won't be difficult for you to let go but this way also you are being hurt it would be better if the doubt about what he wants is cleared up first.
sun_moon Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Ask yourself this: Do I really want to stay with an emotionally and physically unavailable guy? I mean he's married. Dont you deserve better than second best. Regardless of his issues with his wife, why are you accepting his problems as your solutions. If they cant conceive then they cant conceive, and the fact that he is filling his void with you is a crutch. By continuing to stay with this unavailable man in EVERY WAY, you are hurting your chances/future because you are making yourself emotionally and physically unavailable for a healthy relationship with a single man who is AVAILABLE. You shouldn't settle for this. He's not going to leave her. My suggestion is that you leave him and move on with your life.
Author josephin Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 thanks alot this will surely help me out as am really being heart
Author josephin Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 painful as it is to accept i think thats the truth and since i have been with him for 2yrs blindly,your option wil do.problem is despite being on this bitter end i stil cant help doing without texting or calling him more than often which is my biggest dilemma.its kinda the first affair that i really commited myself to so letng go is abit of a stress for me.wish i could just move on without being affected more.
coffeeaddict Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Well if he's not telling anyone about you and he's not openly acknowledging that you exist, but at the same time hasn't divorced his wife, then he's living two lives. One life is a married life with his wife, and the other is on the side with you. So the question is are you comfortable just being someone's mistress, or do you want more than that? I think you want more than that, otherwise you wouldn't be here, so there's really only one choice and that's move on. You can't continue to be just a "hidden woman" forever. Also put yourself in the wife's shoes. Imagine you were her, you're married to this man for however long he's been married, and he's secretly talking to another woman about leaving you while you're trying to conceive his baby. How would that make you feel? So there's that to consider. You feel as though you're getting the short end of the stick, but she's getting the short end of the stick as well.
Author josephin Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 thanks to you pals.had i joined this site earlier i would b a proud lady.i really hv bn unable opening up to my friends but i feel better that my eyes are being opened.we learn from mistakes thanks.
sun_moon Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 You know I dont agree with the whole mistress thing. I can tell you that I understand your pain and heart ache, if you hang out here long enough and read through the threads, you will realize how NOT ALONE YOU ARE. We come here to vent, to look for advice, to help others, to distract ourselves, and mostly to one day move on and be ok. We understand your heart ache, as we are going through it too. I urge you to come write here instead of calling and texting him. Also, there are many, many, many good threads and suggestions on completely freeing yourself of remnants of him by going no contact, read the NC Threads they will help you. Dont leave this site, leave him instead.
Author josephin Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 thanks pal.hav perused several threads and now i can re-question myself on a few things then move on.wil defnately remain on this site
Recommended Posts