RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No doubt all you other Love Shackers out there think I'm below pathetic, beyond desperate, out of reach of reason and out of sight of reality. And you'd be right to think I'm completely crazy, view me as breath-takingly bonkers or just plain irreversibly insane. But I only post so much because I am sooo incredibly lonely I don't know how else to cope or who else to turn to. My family are completely sick of me and my obsessions, I am completely sick of me and my obsessions, but I just feel like I've fallen into a bottomless well and my hands have been coated in oil, so every time someone throws me a rope I grab onto it, and feel some hope for a few moments, but then I quickly lose my grip and continue my decent into the depths of despair again. What am I going to do? What if my ex was my only life-line in life? What if no one else can save me from this despair? What if I can't save myself?
Badenov Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Calm down. You are no worse than anyone else in these forums--we're all in the same boat. writing down your feelings, whether on paper or computer, helps purge them. Here's a thought: Instead of posting, try reading other peoples' threads with similiar situations. It will make you realize you are not alone, & may even have advice you can use. Good luck
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) Yes, I've done a lot of that and it does help a little Have been here for over 4 months now and I lurked for a long time just reading others posts before I decided to post about my own break up depression. Even read threads dating back to 2009! And with the related post links at the bottom of the page even further back to even 2003 I think! I know everyone here is going through the same or similar things and that helps knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I've just lost so much faith in my own abilities I guess, I've lost faith in my ability to cope with this and get through to the other side. I'm so glad this place exists though, I dread to think how bad I might be without it. Lots of therapists have been round to check on me over the past week and they considered taking me away to a mental hospital. I'm glad they didn't but sometimes I wonder if that will be my final destination in this world, a destiny that I will meet sooner rather than later. How I could become so co-dependent on my ex and have been so foolish as to have ruined it all, I really don't know. But it seems to have happened, as much as I want to pretend it didn't. I pushed him away and he's gone. I just wish so badly that he would forgive me and come back here to be the friend I need. Edited June 11, 2011 by RuinedLife
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No doubt all you other Love Shackers out there think I'm below pathetic, beyond desperate, out of reach of reason and out of sight of reality. I personally like that you are one of the most articulate people on this board. (my english is weird but then again, english is not my first language, so fair enough ^^)
Scarlett77 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I feel the same way..... Maybe I'm posting in the wrong forum, but i am battling not to email my love. I know it's the right thing to do, but how hard is it to break it off in the height of your love affair, when it is soooo intense, not because you want to, but it is " the right " thing to do. I want to email him, not play games with him, I feel his pain of NC as a physical assault, but unless I am strong, both of us will destruct...im sorry to hijack this thread, maybe we are all mad.., LS has helped me, I am posting here instead of contacting him. He expects me to be the strong one....
OpenBook Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I just feel like I've fallen into a bottomless well and my hands have been coated in oil, so every time someone throws me a rope I grab onto it, and feel some hope for a few moments, but then I quickly lose my grip and continue my decent into the depths of despair again. What am I going to do? Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water. Then grab back onto that rope. Keep trying until you get it right. I am serious. Do this in your head. FLIP THE SCRIPT. Change your visualizations. Imagine successful attempts until they become reality. And never never never never never NEVER give up. P.S. The rope doesn't come from others. It comes from within you.
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I personally like that you are one of the most articulate people on this board. (my english is weird but then again, english is not my first language, so fair enough ^^) I think your english is excellent, especially considering that its not your first language! I feel the same way..... Maybe I'm posting in the wrong forum, but i am battling not to email my love. I know it's the right thing to do, but how hard is it to break it off in the height of your love affair, when it is soooo intense, not because you want to, but it is " the right " thing to do. I want to email him, not play games with him, I feel his pain of NC as a physical assault, but unless I am strong, both of us will destruct...im sorry to hijack this thread, maybe we are all mad.., LS has helped me, I am posting here instead of contacting him. He expects me to be the strong one.... Yes I can relate. I also find not being able to contact my ex anymore to be pure torture. And I actually failed to keep NC as over a week ago I sent my ex a crazy email. Last time I checked my emails he hadn't replied (that was a week ago) and now I am terrified to check my email at all! (I have another thread about exactly this problem, and I think it should really be established as a new phobia for the modern age (email checking phobia), no doubt its got a Latin name, must do a Google search at some point. Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water. Then grab back onto that rope. Keep trying until you get it right. I am serious. Do this in your head. FLIP THE SCRIPT. Change your visualizations. Imagine successful attempts until they become reality. And never never never never never NEVER give up. P.S. The rope doesn't come from others. It comes from within you. Yes thats great advice! Converting negative visualizations into positive ones is a good idea. Maybe I'll start drawing cartoon squares for a comic strip that show me successfully climbing up this rope and being rewarded with toffee caramel ice cream filled muffins once I reach the top!
OpenBook Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Maybe I'll start drawing cartoon squares for a comic strip that show me successfully climbing up this rope and being rewarded with toffee caramel ice cream filled muffins once I reach the top! Toffee caramel ice cream filled muffins are the stuff of life. Read into that whatever you wish. ;)
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Toffee caramel ice cream filled muffins are the stuff of life. Read into that whatever you wish. ;) Mmm... so you're hinting to us that you're an alien from a parallel universe where life at the fundamental level consists of subatomic particle sized toffee caramel ice cream filled muffins?
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I think your english is excellent, especially considering that its not your first language! Thank you very much! I may fool ya as long as we're conversing through written word only but you should hear how awkward I sound when I actually speak english, you'd be appalled lol. I think it should really be established as a new phobia for the modern age (email checking phobia), no doubt its got a Latin name, must do a Google search at some point. As low as you may be feeling (and as low as I may feel myself), you still manage to crack me up, lol. ...Maybe I'll start drawing cartoon squares for a comic strip that show me successfully climbing up this rope and being rewarded with toffee caramel ice cream filled muffins once I reach the top! I think toffee is taking up too much of your headspace. You should probably look up "obsessive toffee disorder" and see if you need to add that on top of the other issues to be worked on. Talk to your therapist
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Sometimes I feel that I need to be able to transcend this break up situation in some way in order to be able to conquer my self hating and broken hearted feelings. Does that make sense to anyone? I'm not sure what I mean by this exactly. I guess that I need to rise above the situation and look at its part in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong I'm still desperate to get my ex back and make up for all the hurt I've caused, but maybe if I could view the situation in its entirety instead of only from my point of view I could find a more effective way to make amends with my ex or move on.
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Sometimes I feel that I need to be able to transcend this break up situation in some way in order to be able to conquer my self hating and broken hearted feelings. Does that make sense to anyone? ... Two things: DUH!! and YAY!!
Scarlett77 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Please change your name. It has a certain beautiful pathos to it(and I Am NOT being cruel here) none one can ruin your life. Having said that, thank you so much for your response to me..... It means so much. I am maybe a bit different from others here, he never promised me anything. I seduced him. If he had promised me something, my god, the pain I would have felt.... As is, I can't do an affair. I can't sit at work and have him not recommend me for a oromotionton I have worked hard for, because he is so paranoid about our thing coming out??? He wants to be friends? I told him , my male friends can call me anytime, sit with me, meet my family and yours, we can't have this, so we have nothing. Cruel , but true. The only true spirituality is radical pragmatism. And ruined life, before I became a gun runner, I was a counselor, and one thing I have learnt; is you can NEVER know where someone is at, or what they think. Why? Because you are not them. Work out where you are at, what you think.... It's not easy, but the greatest growth never is:))))) Sorry for the rant, too many reds, and missing the man that was there every day for 2 Yeats.
nlpman Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 maybe try imagining a point in the future when you are back to normal then imagine yourself looking back at yourself as you are now. What advice would you give yourself?
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Keep posting RL... Nobody cares how much you post...do whatever makes you feel better right now...
Scarlett77 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I gather you are young:) In the scheme of things, give it 50 years, this will maybe be a "blip" on your radiar. There is no right and wring way to deal with trauma... So start forgiving yourself. It's a bigger deal to you than anyone else, trust me, I know this. This will be forgotten in 2 years. You are not fataly flawed, just deep feeling. don't analyze so much, it's just our minds and memories, which, at the end if the day, aren't that important!! And gather the info for the obsessive email book!! I'll market it for you:)))
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I think toffee is taking up too much of your headspace. You should probably look up "obsessive toffee disorder" and see if you need to add that on top of the other issues to be worked on. Talk to your therapist Mmm.. yeah maybe I do have that disorder.. just another one to add to the list I guess.. The only true spirituality is radical pragmatism. And ruined life, before I became a gun runner, I was a counselor, and one thing I have learnt; is you can NEVER know where someone is at, or what they think. Why? Because you are not them. Work out where you are at, what you think.... It's not easy, but the greatest growth never is:))))) Thats very true. maybe try imagining a point in the future when you are back to normal then imagine yourself looking back at yourself as you are now. What advice would you give yourself? Mmm.. thats interesting advice. I really struggle to imagine a future, but yes I can see the potential benefits of that way of thinking. If only I could picture some future self.. When I try to look into the future it just looks black now.. Keep posting RL... Nobody cares how much you post...do whatever makes you feel better right now... Thanks, ok will keep posting!
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I gather you are young:) In the scheme of things, give it 50 years, this will maybe be a "blip" on your radiar. There is no right and wring way to deal with trauma... So start forgiving yourself. It's a bigger deal to you than anyone else, trust me, I know this. This will be forgotten in 2 years. You are not fataly flawed, just deep feeling. don't analyze so much, it's just our minds and memories, which, at the end if the day, aren't that important!! And gather the info for the obsessive email book!! I'll market it for you:))) Yeah ok, will do! Thank you Yes I'm pretty young I guess- Physical age-24, Mental age-12
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Yeah ok, will do! Thank you Yes I'm pretty young I guess- Physical age-24, Mental age-12 Oh come on RL, you're a joke!! 24?? And you think your life is ruined?? I'm 30 and I think you're a baby and have your whole life ahead of you!! And people reading this who are 40 or 50 probably think that the 6-year difference between us both is nothing, and I'm still pretty young too :]
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Also agree that RuinedLife should change her name. You just don't walk into a party and go "Hello. I'm RuinedLife. How are you?". lol.
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Also agree that RuinedLife should change her name. You just don't walk into a party and go "Hello. I'm RuinedLife. How are you?". lol. Oh cut it out you'll have me in stitches! XD What should I change my name to then? I didn't know you could change your name on this thing? Maybe I could reverse my name... so RuinedLife becomes.... EfilDeniur Mmm... nah too weird... and sounds kinda French.
Mag-Lone-Freak Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I feel the exact same way... I have obsessions and dwell and dwell on them. I try not to post on here too much out of fear of coming off as a nuissance eventually getting negative feedback or NONE like last time... My favorite medicine right now is being on this site and reading other peoples despairs and advice whatever they are so I don't feel alone and like a geek rejected by everyone because I'm different and find it hard to take advice because I'm blinded by my emotions refusing to believe that the reality of some of my situations are really that dismal, keeping me stuck in a rut or dreamland and need to leave my bf and take better care my myself to flourish and be happy and more successful... I'm at my peak of despair right now... I need support...Take Care M
Author RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I feel the exact same way... I have obsessions and dwell and dwell on them. I try not to post on here too much out of fear of coming off as a nuissance eventually getting negative feedback or NONE like last time... My favorite medicine right now is being on this site and reading other peoples despairs and advice whatever they are so I don't feel alone and like a geek rejected by everyone because I'm different and find it hard to take advice because I'm blinded by my emotions refusing to believe that the reality of some of my situations are really that dismal, keeping me stuck in a rut or dreamland and need to leave my bf and take better care my myself to flourish and be happy and more successful... I'm at my peak of despair right now... I need support...Take Care M I'm sorry to hear you are suffering through this too I'm having a bad night now, my memories and visions of my ex bf are just sooo intense. And I miss him so so much. And I love him so so much. I hate that he doesn't realise that, or he does and is rejecting me anyway. I just want him back beside me, but he never will be I just don't know how to cope without him
scaredandalone1223 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) First let me say, your amount of posts in no way bother me. With that said do you have Facebook? I ask that because maybe a change of scenery would help some. I find these forums extremely helpful and at my lowest point they were amazing at helping me through. The only drawback was so many of the posts are sad and depressing. We need them that way to help us see we are not alone and see how others are dealing, but at times so many of them brought me to tears I could not continue reading and would have to look at something more upbeat. Try reconnecting on facebook. I'm not a every second updater, or what I'm having for dinner type poster when I'm on there, I go with a good song lyric or funny thing that happened or something upbeat. Same for a good bit of my friends. As a matter of fact I make it a point to NEVER discuss my relationship stuff, good or bad, on there really. I find it a nice way to connect with others in a positive light to get my mind off other things. I won't say facebook doesn't have it's drawbacks and has helped facilitate many bad things but it's really all in how YOU choose to use it. If a person posts a song lyric carry it through or think of a cool memory to go with that song. If someone mentions a restaurant tell them something about one you love. The great thing about it is even when you don't feel like you have lots of friends it doesn't take long to reconnect with high school classmates, former co-workers or distant relatives. You will have virtual friends before you know it and they don't have to know about the strifes your working to overcome now they can just be there to joke around and talk to. Help you get your mind off things for a little bit. The more time you spend not thinking about the bad things the more time you have to enjoy other things and little by little the good things get the majority of your time. Still come here to express your emotions, lonliness, ask for advice, seek others going through the same pain. You need to and we WANT you to, but spread it out a bit. Worth a try. At least that is my opinion. Edited June 11, 2011 by scaredandalone1223
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