shellen Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 you know...I just really dunno what I want anymore... when i first broke up, I know I wanted to remain friends with him still... and then I found out he was seeing someone else, I know I wanted him back.. and when that failed, I know I really loved him a lot coz I realized not only was my heart broken, but my dreams were shattered. My dream to start a family with him and to spend the rest of my live loving, fighting, supporting etc. him. Now.... I dunno if I still want to be friends with him. He is still so very important to me and I want him to be a part of my life but I still feel hurt when he puts the other girl before me, although I know he is doing nothing wrong. SO I thought maybe I should stop contact with him, but whenever I ignore his msges and calls, I feel very bad. I am really grateful to him for still wanting to be friends with me despite all the trouble I gave him and enduring all my emotional breakdowns, so I feel really bad ignoring him. I also know that I cannot be satisfied with just being friends with him, but should I just accept it because it is better than nothing? Like right now, I have only ignored his calls and msges for one day and I am feeling real bad about it and I've picked up my mobile so many times today deciding if I should text him back. I do not think it really matters to him if we remain friends or not, as in he wants to, but it will not kill him if we do not. But I just feel bad about it. Some people tell me just go with the flow, you do not have to deliberately stop contact and as time passes you'll probably just contact less. That's what I thought initially, I thought when school started I'll be busy and will not have time for him. But seriously, it does not take a lot of time just to text a message or drop a line. And now that my final year is almost over, I am still very much in touch with him, like on a daily basis. It's like I want to go both directions at the same time. I want to stop loving him and remain friends at the same time. Well...maybe I will not feel in a dilemma for long because when I start missing him, I do not think twice about contacting him....But maybe now I should start thinking twice.....*confused*
sad & confused Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Hi. Well I am in a similar situation. My ex and I ended things about 2 months ago. Neither of us are dating anyone else but he does not want to be with me or at least right now he says. Obvioulsy it is more complicated than just that. I did and said a lot of hurtful things to him when we were together that he can't get over. Anway we go to school together so I have to see him all the time. I tried to remain friends with him b/c I love him but it just becomes too hard to do. Everyone keeps telling me you will never get over him if you are still friends. THEy tell me I can't be friends with him until I get over him. WEll I also keep thinking I would rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. But it just becomes too hard when one person wants something and the other person doesn't. I tried the no contact thing but I couldn't even last a week. SO as much as I don't take the advice I think the best advice is you can't just be friends with someone you love. I have a question do you think he really cares about the girl he is with or is she a rebound? also do you guys ever talk about being back together? I would say don't feel bad about not calling him back b/c he must understand that you are in a hard position and probably respects that you need time and distance from him. Hope that helps
Author shellen Posted April 17, 2004 Author Posted April 17, 2004 Hi sad + confused..thanks for your reply.... I hope u are feeling better and no longer sad and confused... Unfortunately I do not think my ex is on a rebound. Well I wanted to get back with him very badly, he considered but turned me down in the end. We broke up because of religion and although now I am willing to convert, he thinks it is easier to date someone who is of the same religion as him, i.e. his current gf. He is not sure if she is the one yet, but i guess he sees the potential and wants to try it out with her. He asked me if I would still have him if he were to be alone in the future. haha like u i could never last a week. The longest i managed was four days and dat was only because he was out of town. he jus called me again which i din pick up, and finally texted me saying "I guess this is goodbye". Heart wrenching to read it. So now you are still in regular contact with ur ex?
freebird Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Sad and shellen, You know, I was in a relationship where it ended pretty abruptly with him saying let's be friends. Well, you know, it's a nice thought, but when there is a lot of emotion involved it's truly difficult to just be friends - particularly when they have apparently, moved on with a new g/f. If I were you, I would GIVE MYSELF CLOSURE and just wish him well and stop contact altogether. IF you don't, it will only prolong the inevitable of you having to deal with it really being over. When I broke up with my ex - we just did not contact each other at all and its now been over a year - I'm sure he is happier and I know I am!! Further, there will come a time when you really just stop thinking about him/her unless you run into them or whatever. IT's natural to have those twinges of emotional stirring, but afterawhile - it fades. Cut off contact - cold turkey. Just tell him you it's too hard to talk and one day, someday you'll say hiya - for now, you need to take care of you. He will understand - if not - too bad. Take care of yourselve!!
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