C00LKATES Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) Good evening my dears, I hope you're not feeling alone tonight as I am. My story is long, but I am going to try and sum it up for you. Last June, I ran into a man I had a college crush on. He actually dated my sorority sister. I always had a crush on him and would ask my best friend from college about him because they went to high school together. However, ex and I had never formally met in college. Last summer and five years later, single as can be, I run into him in Texas (we're both from Michigan). it was very serendipitous. He could have been one minute later and I wouldn't have seen him. We were both in awe. Since it was late I asked him where the after party was. And he said he was staying at this condo and sure enough, that's where I was going to be because I was staying with a girlfriend who lived there and he with his guy friend. I said NO WAY! What floor he said 16 and I was like, I am on 15! From that moment on we were inseparable. He said he'd be going to Iraq in the fall. I didn't care because I was so consumed with how happy I was. Bliss happened. We fell in love, he said it first. It was remarkable. However, about a month before he left I began to fear abandonment and he began drinking a lot with his friends. We started fighting. We were frustrated, but really couldn't so anything about the situation. He still flew me to MI to meet his parents. It was pretty serious. We agreed to try and stay together and as you can imagine, we didn't make it through. He left in October and in early November called it off. I was shattered but didn't believe it. I was like, oh he's in the military-it's a mans world. He's blocking his emotions...yadda yadda... We began to keep in touch again, a couple of large fights happened (we're human) and also many fabulous conversations happened. The two fights we had scared him. he flies planes and couldn't handle it. At the end of March, he wrote me an email saying I don't want to lead you to believe when I come home we'll be together. Sure enough, his best bud just joined him in Iraq- a friend who's a womanizer whom I know personally and I think he encouraged him to break it off officially. He called to talk about the email and of course as women we sometimes lash out. I screamed, yelled, cursed him out...I was feeling betrayed and couldn't contain. I mean, come on I held on for 6 months of deployment, ****! (my fault, I know). He basically begged to be friends...and I was like no, I am not going to be your friend you broke my heart by feeding me crumbs all along. Then of course, my insecurities came out and I emailed about a month later saying that i am open to trying to be friends (I just didn't want to lose him completely). He was happy about this. We emailed here and there platonically, of course. I loved telling him how proud I was of him. I knew he was homesick though he wouldn't admit it. He came home late last Saturday night. Monday night I got a text saying "hey bru bru, I'm back in America." Bru Bru, really? My therapist say's that's him trying to be friendly. I broke in and mentioned maybe we could go to dinner this week/weekend. He said he'd love that and that he's busy this weekend, but we'll figure something it out. Then I said I look forward to it and he said nothing. I said listen, I am just happy you're home safe. He texted: "yea, it may be a little early. I don't want to hurt you again." "You know stir up old emotions..." So, I cried for 5 hours...mourned us. Relationships that were love and are broken to me are like mourning a death. None of my friends or therapist think I should see him. I wanted to have closure of some sort, but he can't even call me. Just texts me. Wait, correction- he called at 2:21am last night. No voicemail. Probably drunk. He was my best friend. I just want advice. I am disappointed that he's acting like a coward. I supported him through much of this deployment and I think a part of me left with him. I'm in on a Friday night knowing he's 5 minutes away from me when just a week ago he was 9,000 miles away. He wished me a happy birthday from Kuwait a week ago. Not just a happy birthday but like a long email about him coming home, but of course no plans involving me. It's so hard, but I've learned a lot. I just want him to want me back. I will say, I am not meeting up with him on his terms. I deserve better. I've waited and he's out partying it up right now, which he should since he hasn't been able to in awhile, but grow some buddy. It's so hard to not respond to texts from him or his late night call. I'm curious to see if I will receive anymore this weekend. Thanks for listening and I appreciate any advice. Do you think there's hope? Edited June 11, 2011 by C00LKATES
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No. Read my signature Caliguy link. And the other one too. Then do as they say, because what they say is right on the button. Do It. It's the only way to save the pain.
Author C00LKATES Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I appreciate your quick response. I figure. If I am mourning this now, I will surely be over it within the next couple of months. And if he is then wanting to meet up, I will not even want to anymore. It's hard because he does care about me. He just doesn't love me. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he were a deadbeat and mean.
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