Gisele Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Proven to cause depression and some cases of social anxiety in teenagers and young people too. That being said, im still on it. I don't want to be when im older though, im not sure why. Seeing wedding photos of a few friends of mine on facebook just...makes me cringe if im honest. Im not sure why. I think it's because it strikes me as such a romantic, personal day, why give facebook the rights to own and publish such precious memories? Just SEND them to your friends. And the 'relationship status' thing, never used it, don't understand why those who are in new relationships would. If you decide to broadcast it to the world that you're in a relationship, you're going to have to broadcast it to them when it ends. Unnecessary drama and reminder that it didn't work out? No thanks. I actually know one girl, absolutely beautiful and very intelligent, who met her match in one of the most lovely guys. She said she'd never been treated better, he made all her past relationships look like practise runs.....7 months into their relationship she comes to me nearly in tears, saying that he won't change his status to 'in a relationship' on facebook. He'd introduced her to his family, they knew all of each others friends, he introduced her to everyone as his girlfriend...this guy only had eyes for her. He wasn't even listed as 'Single', just didn't have a status. But they got into arguments about it, and she said it was a deal breaker. Was the only time i questioned her judgment, she normally was so rational Anyway, im getting off the point. I think a lot of it is people realising they have the ability to control their image, know that when they get their photo taken that it's going to be seen by everyone.. almost like being a mini-celebrity So some people get caught up in it. And it's easy to see some people who ARE in a relationship on it, and start to think their relationship is all sunshine and roses. You're not going to see the little squabbles etc. Hell, they're still sitting in front of a computer keeping an eye on how their relationship is portrayed! How exhausting. But it's easy to forget that, god knows i do all the time, and still makes other people feel depressed or inadequate themselves. bleh.
4NewRoad Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 From one guy to another, dont fool yourself...whatever you two did sexually...she is going to do that with someone else. So brace yourself for that one. I know that sucks but one day this storm will pass. I have been in your shoes before, once I found someone who was 10 times better than my ex...I just laughed at how silly/dumb I was acting. Could you be obsessed with her? If so, that aint good. Maybe you should stay away from Facebook until things get better for you. If not, then until you can mentally handle it again...maybe you should remove her. RIO5, You are a wise one! And trust me, it works the other way around too... We women also suffer terribly thinking of the "if's". We all become SO IN LOVE, SO INFATUATED with our ex's, and what they'll do, or not do with their next partner, that it could be physically weakening! Not fair to ourselves! It is VERY hard to re-gain focus on one-self, but your words, your openness certainly helps because you are pointing things as they are. There's obsession, there's pain, and there's time to heal and eventually move on. We're all different and need different time-lines, and life-distractions to get us out of the hole, but we all eventually (and hopefully) learn to move on with our lives. It happens all the time...My analogy for that is the year's seasons. You KNOW they'll come, on their own time. You cannot hurry them, and once the season is here, you cannot "avoid it", you just have got to ride with it and be certain that there's always a new season waiting to come by...
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 RIO5, You are a wise one! And trust me, it works the other way around too... We women also suffer terribly thinking of the "if's". We all become SO IN LOVE, SO INFATUATED with our ex's, and what they'll do, or not do with their next partner, that it could be physically weakening! Not fair to ourselves! It is VERY hard to re-gain focus on one-self, but your words, your openness certainly helps because you are pointing things as they are. There's obsession, there's pain, and there's time to heal and eventually move on. We're all different and need different time-lines, and life-distractions to get us out of the hole, but we all eventually (and hopefully) learn to move on with our lives. It happens all the time...My analogy for that is the year's seasons. You KNOW they'll come, on their own time. You cannot hurry them, and once the season is here, you cannot "avoid it", you just have got to ride with it and be certain that there's always a new season waiting to come by... The thing is, we were each other firsts, sex was something only we did together, that is my pain, that what we 'learned' together for many months, our secrets, are now being taken by someone else...
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Proven to cause depression and some cases of social anxiety in teenagers and young people too. That being said, im still on it. I don't want to be when im older though, im not sure why. Seeing wedding photos of a few friends of mine on facebook just...makes me cringe if im honest. Im not sure why. I think it's because it strikes me as such a romantic, personal day, why give facebook the rights to own and publish such precious memories? Just SEND them to your friends. And the 'relationship status' thing, never used it, don't understand why those who are in new relationships would. If you decide to broadcast it to the world that you're in a relationship, you're going to have to broadcast it to them when it ends. Unnecessary drama and reminder that it didn't work out? No thanks. I actually know one girl, absolutely beautiful and very intelligent, who met her match in one of the most lovely guys. She said she'd never been treated better, he made all her past relationships look like practise runs.....7 months into their relationship she comes to me nearly in tears, saying that he won't change his status to 'in a relationship' on facebook. He'd introduced her to his family, they knew all of each others friends, he introduced her to everyone as his girlfriend...this guy only had eyes for her. He wasn't even listed as 'Single', just didn't have a status. But they got into arguments about it, and she said it was a deal breaker. Was the only time i questioned her judgment, she normally was so rational Anyway, im getting off the point. I think a lot of it is people realising they have the ability to control their image, know that when they get their photo taken that it's going to be seen by everyone.. almost like being a mini-celebrity So some people get caught up in it. And it's easy to see some people who ARE in a relationship on it, and start to think their relationship is all sunshine and roses. You're not going to see the little squabbles etc. Hell, they're still sitting in front of a computer keeping an eye on how their relationship is portrayed! How exhausting. But it's easy to forget that, god knows i do all the time, and still makes other people feel depressed or inadequate themselves. bleh. When we were together our statuses were blank. She said people do not need to know about private stuff like this, I agreed. The day she dumped me, in my stupidity I changed the status to single. 1.5 weeks after that she changed hers, and added a sad smiley when people pried into it. I thought maybe that was my fault also. then 2 weeks after the breakup she put a new profile pic of her with that OTHER guy, that made me go insane. she never put pictures of us together, next couple of days she changed her relationship status. I wasn't surprised, but it hurt me a lot. It felt like it was sealed then. I feel awful. My pain doesn't stop.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 How old are the two of you? I know it sucks and you are hurting but not every relationship is going to be a "forever" one. Both of you are going to date and have sex with many more people before you settle down and get married. I promise that you will get over this and the pain will stop. Before you know it, you will be dating and having sex with someone else too. She is your first love... These are always hard to get over. Be patient and know that it will take some time. I'm 27' she's 21. I don't care for the sex as just sex, it was something private, just the two of us... It's not like meeting someone new and knowing they had sex with other people before. And I don't want "many more people" I just want one, that's it, all I ever needed.
PelicanPete Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 LittleMonkey I can relate since I had a similar view on sex as you do now. I was very much inlove with my ex when we were together and I still hesitated having sex with her for the first time because to me it was and still is very important and meaningful. I wanted to only have sex with the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and she reassured me she would always be there for me. We were both virgins so it felt like she would always be mine and with me forever. Facebook also contributed to our break up, since when she got facebook she met the OM. I hated facebook and never signed up for it, but I was hearing from friends him and her were getting very chummy. I trusted her and felt I shouldn't have to babysit her around every other guy, but she ended up breaking my trust, cheating on me, and breaking up with me in a dramatic fashion. A week after the break up she felt the need to contact me to tell me she had a STI and that she was going to the doctor. My heart sunk. I felt I made a huge mistake having sex with her, because she told me she had the same point of view. I only wanted her to be that one person. I felt so used, betrayed, and disrespected. It was tough on me for awhile, but I eventually came with terms with my own philosophy. It's hard to find the right person for you on the first try. Even if you think you have when your with them, and they reassure you with all of these loving words, the worst can still happen. Perhaps I should've waited til we were married, however even marriage isn't a guarantee we will always stay together. I don't regret having sex with her during our relationship. We both loved each other at the time, and that's all that matters. I can only depend on myself and control what I do. Just because she turned out to be not the girl I thought she was, doesn't mean shes going to be the only girl I ever had sex with. I'm only going to have sex with a girl I fall deeply inlove with, because to me that's the whole point of having sex. It is called "making love" for a reason. If there is no real love between two people, the only thing you could possibly be making is an unwanted fetus
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Knowing how you are about sex... Even if your Ex came back, you would never be able to forgive her and would end up self destructing any reconciliation attempt. That's not right, if she would take me I'll forgive and forget everything. I'm not that kind of jealous. I believe it's all my fault, and I want to fix it, I want to make her happy with me. I want to ignite that spark in her. The thing that pains me the most is maybe he's 'better' than me? And maybe that's why she won't return... LittleMonkey I can relate since I had a similar view on sex as you do now. I was very much inlove with my ex when we were together and I still hesitated having sex with her for the first time because to me it was and still is very important and meaningful. I wanted to only have sex with the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and she reassured me she would always be there for me. We were both virgins so it felt like she would always be mine and with me forever. Facebook also contributed to our break up, since when she got facebook she met the OM. I hated facebook and never signed up for it, but I was hearing from friends him and her were getting very chummy. I trusted her and felt I shouldn't have to babysit her around every other guy, but she ended up breaking my trust, cheating on me, and breaking up with me in a dramatic fashion. A week after the break up she felt the need to contact me to tell me she had a STI and that she was going to the doctor. My heart sunk. I felt I made a huge mistake having sex with her, because she told me she had the same point of view. I only wanted her to be that one person. I felt so used, betrayed, and disrespected. It was tough on me for awhile, but I eventually came with terms with my own philosophy. It's hard to find the right person for you on the first try. Even if you think you have when your with them, and they reassure you with all of these loving words, the worst can still happen. Perhaps I should've waited til we were married, however even marriage isn't a guarantee we will always stay together. I don't regret having sex with her during our relationship. We both loved each other at the time, and that's all that matters. I can only depend on myself and control what I do. Just because she turned out to be not the girl I thought she was, doesn't mean shes going to be the only girl I ever had sex with. I'm only going to have sex with a girl I fall deeply inlove with, because to me that's the whole point of having sex. It is called "making love" for a reason. If there is no real love between two people, the only thing you could possibly be making is an unwanted fetus I agree with you, I really only want a real relationship and I really do not understand what's the point in flings/one night stands or whatever, nor do I want to. They seem so pointless. I just feel like I'll never find anyone else, as she was my princess, beautiful, she could get anyone she wanted, had (still has probably) thousands of guys on facebook or whatever trying to hit on her... And I let her go. How could I ever match that? I feel like no girl has interest in me at all, she, the only one, when she was younger... maybe I managed to impress her or something.. I don't think I can love again the way I love her. Around me everyone is getting married/engaged.. And I missed that train. Game over.
PelicanPete Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 The thing that pains me the most is maybe he's 'better' than me? And maybe that's why she won't return... Chances are he isn't better than you, he is just different. They are in the honeymoon stage, so of course everything is going to seem perfect, and he probably seems like the best thing in the world to her right now. From what I read, you guys were semi LDR and long term like my relationship. Sadly her actions show she wasn't as committed as you. Their relationship probably has a lot less strain and meaning to it, which makes things less stressful on her. You had to have meant something big to her if she was with you for 4.5 years. How could I ever match that? I feel like no girl has interest in me at all, she, the only one, when she was younger... maybe I managed to impress her or something.. I don't think I can love again the way I love her. Around me everyone is getting married/engaged.. And I missed that train. Game over. That will only come true if you believe it to be true. You are never out of the game! I've seen people fall in love at 70-80 years old and get married. You're still in your 20s and you have a large portion of your life ahead of you. Don't count yourself out my friend, there are better women out there that share the same point of view as you and I. You will meet someone new that will make you happy if you keep an open mind and let yourself do so, but for the time being I suggest take some time to yourself.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 You aren't even with her and it's already in your head. It's a lot harder than you imagine to just forgive and forget your Ex for having sex with someone else. What I meant about 'better' is that she would stay with him because of it, not some ego issues... And about forgiving, I think it's her that needs to forgive me, for all the ways I've mistreated her. But let's cross those bridges when (hopefully) we come to them.. Chances are he isn't better than you, he is just different. They are in the honeymoon stage, so of course everything is going to seem perfect, and he probably seems like the best thing in the world to her right now. From what I read, you guys were semi LDR and long term like my relationship. Sadly her actions show she wasn't as committed as you. Their relationship probably has a lot less strain and meaning to it, which makes things less stressful on her. You had to have meant something big to her if she was with you for 4.5 years. First of all thank you if you've read my long story (first post), if anyone's interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279074/ By saying 'better' I meant better in bed.. Hes about her age also. We were about 50 minutes by car, or 1:40 hours by train. She's from a different area, its highly unlikely that she will bump into me, so the only way I think to show her anything about my changes/improvements is through facebook. That will only come true if you believe it to be true. You are never out of the game! I've seen people fall in love at 70-80 years old and get married. You're still in your 20s and you have a large portion of your life ahead of you. Don't count yourself out my friend, there are better women out there that share the same point of view as you and I. You will meet someone new that will make you happy if you keep an open mind and let yourself do so, but for the time being I suggest take some time to yourself. That someone needs to be more beautiful to me than her, and that's not a small thing. Even if I find that, I really don't know how to approach. It's like I had a spark with her that I can't see in anyone else. I have way too much time to myself now, I'm going crazy. I'm trying to work on myself... Today I ran 2.5km in the morning, and did sets of crunches and stuff, I do this every day since she dumped me. I stretch it a little more every day. I went shopping at the big mall.. the same mall we used to go together. I remember how we sat at places there, I saw the same spot we sat on the day we saw each other for the first time... Places where I hugged her, The place we sat where I took her picture on my phone, and the place we ate together after we got back together after our first breakup... I entered and saw stores we entered together, places I waited for her and called her. In that big mall I felt so alone, such a void inside... I tried to be strong, and bought clothes and shoes... It feels like holding a muscle, smiling feels fake. I was always looking around as if to try to find her there, to catch a glimpse of her.. I felt her missing presence everywhere, like a Phantom Pain. I remember how I almost never had the strength to go shopping with her, how annoying I was, how I always complained I was hungry and my back hurt and didn't have patience to wait or try some clothes. Today buying was not so awful! Why didn't I even try back then??
sola Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Little monkey you sound like a very sweet, smart, down to earth, romantic guy. Any girl would b thrilled to be with a guy with those qualities. Take it frm someone who deeply fell in love with someone because I thought he was that he was that kind of guy but he really wasn't. I haven't read your whole story(sorry). Im sure u made mistakes (we all do). Try learning frm those mistakes to become a better u. When u heart is broken it is easy to freak out and think we will never get over it, or find someone else (i feel exactly the same way). I think now we shouldnt think about finding someone else, but finding ourselves and learn frm this so we don't make the same mistakes again. Ps: Dont feel guilty about not wanting to shop with her in the past, must guys hate it..we.are used to that!
Fufu Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) my personal experience on facebook after a relationship has ended. I found myself stalking my ex bf's facebook very often during the first few months of the break up, looking at his wall and his pictures, scanning his replies to his female friends and all these made me much much more upset. I was literally looking at his facebook page more than my own one. Definitely becoming very stalkish. Then I started to think, why was I looking at his facebook profile, it was not going to help me at all, definitely not going to help the relationship in anyway. If by looking at his facebook page can help to win him back, then I don't think anyone will appreciate and treasure their partners anymore. So,.... I didn't delete my account. I deleted him as a friend and block him. In the beginning, I still find myself typing his name but whenever his name doesn't show out, gradually, I no longer have the urge to even search for his name anymore. He chose to go, he's gone. I didn't leave, I seek a better and brighter path for myself. Edited June 15, 2011 by Fufu
RIO5 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You KNOW they'll come, on their own time. You cannot hurry them, and once the season is here, you cannot "avoid it", you just have got to ride with it and be certain that there's always a new season waiting to come by... Thanks! I have learned that separating perception from reality will take you really far in life. It helps a lot when going through break ups...
RIO5 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 That someone needs to be more beautiful to me than her, and that's not a small thing. Even if I find that, I really don't know how to approach. It's like I had a spark with her that I can't see in anyone else. I have way too much time to myself now, I'm going crazy. I'm trying to work on myself... Today I ran 2.5km in the morning, and did sets of crunches and stuff, I do this every day since she dumped me. I stretch it a little more every day. I went shopping at the big mall.. the same mall we used to go together. I remember how we sat at places there, I saw the same spot we sat on the day we saw each other for the first time... Places where I hugged her, The place we sat where I took her picture on my phone, and the place we ate together after we got back together after our first breakup... I entered and saw stores we entered together, places I waited for her and called her. In that big mall I felt so alone, such a void inside... I tried to be strong, and bought clothes and shoes... It feels like holding a muscle, smiling feels fake. I was always looking around as if to try to find her there, to catch a glimpse of her.. I felt her missing presence everywhere, like a Phantom Pain. I remember how I almost never had the strength to go shopping with her, how annoying I was, how I always complained I was hungry and my back hurt and didn't have patience to wait or try some clothes. Today buying was not so awful! Why didn't I even try back then?? The honest to god truth...a lot of your problems is just in your head. Mind over matter. You could do so much more once you just accept reality for what is and then proceed with what you must do with your life. For every second you spend thinking about what happen between you and her in the past...you are letting golden opportunities pass you by. I bet you that there was at least ONE women in that mall that was checking you out. But I also take it, you didnt even notice it. We all know what it feels like to be in love but I ask you, take a step back and look at what you fell in love with. You are a grown man who fell for a child. Yes 21 is very, very young. I have never met one girl between the ages of 18-22 who knew exactly what she wanted in life. Why? Because they do not exist! Those are the years where 'girls' are trying to find an identity. Those are the college years where they are let loose and 'try' to find themselves. Another words, it would be wise to NOT take them seriously. But you did and that's ok. But what I am trying to say is: when its all said and done...you really not missing much. I know this sounds extremely impossible but you gotta stop putting so much thought into her. There's nothing you can do. That is reality. Once you accept that then you can move on to a better life. I do not care how awesome your ex was...there are at LEAST 5 women out there who ARE better than her. You gotta believe that. You pretty much dated a child, try dating a women! They are 10000 times better. If you can find yourself a women who wants a man but doesnt need a man...a women who is independent...a women who has an identity...a women who knows what she wants...I promise you, you will forget your troubles with your ex. Break ups taught me that I must have a better understanding of how women think so when I find Mrs. Right...I dont lose her. Every clinically sane women wants and needs 3 things from a man. Wants: confidence, control and challenge. Needs: respect, support and affection. And every man on this planet should look for the following traits in a women: integrity, giving, and flexibility. Your ex didnt have one or more of those traits. So again, you are really not missing out on much. I feel for you buddy. Love sucks but pondering over a girl who is with another man will not get you anywhere in life. You are wasting energy and time by over thinking things when you could be out and about by finding your one true love. She is out there my friend. You gotta find her. I wish you the best...
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Little monkey you sound like a very sweet, smart, down to earth, romantic guy. Any girl would b thrilled to be with a guy with those qualities. Take it frm someone who deeply fell in love with someone because I thought he was that he was that kind of guy but he really wasn't. I haven't read your whole story(sorry). Im sure u made mistakes (we all do). Try learning frm those mistakes to become a better u. When u heart is broken it is easy to freak out and think we will never get over it, or find someone else (i feel exactly the same way). I think now we shouldnt think about finding someone else, but finding ourselves and learn frm this so we don't make the same mistakes again. Ps: Dont feel guilty about not wanting to shop with her in the past, must guys hate it..we.are used to that! Thanks, I appreciate it... I feel though like there is no point to anything, no cause to fight for, I lost the only thing that matters. It's not just shopping, I feel I grumbled all the time out of laziness or selfishness or whatever, I didn't see the importance of going to places together... I'm so afraid if she remembers me, she won't have enough good memories of me, and that guy now probably makes better ones with her right now... What a loser I am...
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 The honest to god truth...a lot of your problems is just in your head. Mind over matter. You could do so much more once you just accept reality for what is and then proceed with what you must do with your life. For every second you spend thinking about what happen between you and her in the past...you are letting golden opportunities pass you by. I bet you that there was at least ONE women in that mall that was checking you out. But I also take it, you didnt even notice it. We all know what it feels like to be in love but I ask you, take a step back and look at what you fell in love with. You are a grown man who fell for a child. Yes 21 is very, very young. I have never met one girl between the ages of 18-22 who knew exactly what she wanted in life. Why? Because they do not exist! Those are the years where 'girls' are trying to find an identity. Those are the college years where they are let loose and 'try' to find themselves. Another words, it would be wise to NOT take them seriously. But you did and that's ok. But what I am trying to say is: when its all said and done...you really not missing much. I know this sounds extremely impossible but you gotta stop putting so much thought into her. There's nothing you can do. That is reality. Once you accept that then you can move on to a better life. I do not care how awesome your ex was...there are at LEAST 5 women out there who ARE better than her. You gotta believe that. You pretty much dated a child, try dating a women! They are 10000 times better. If you can find yourself a women who wants a man but doesnt need a man...a women who is independent...a women who has an identity...a women who knows what she wants...I promise you, you will forget your troubles with your ex. Break ups taught me that I must have a better understanding of how women think so when I find Mrs. Right...I dont lose her. Every clinically sane women wants and needs 3 things from a man. Wants: confidence, control and challenge. Needs: respect, support and affection. And every man on this planet should look for the following traits in a women: integrity, giving, and flexibility. Your ex didnt have one or more of those traits. So again, you are really not missing out on much. I feel for you buddy. Love sucks but pondering over a girl who is with another man will not get you anywhere in life. You are wasting energy and time by over thinking things when you could be out and about by finding your one true love. She is out there my friend. You gotta find her. I wish you the best... Thanks.. Look, I am trying to go out every day, as if to find someone better. I feel though it's just out of wanting to dim the pain. I feel that finding someone prettier to me, and 'older' as you say, that still has the spark to her is impossible. Even if I will find I don't really know what to do, how to approach her.. IF I see someone more beautiful than her (a. it's tough, she's very pretty. b. I can't settle for something like this, I'm sorry, I just need to be attracted to her, and will feel only bad if it's a 'downgrade' in those terms), and IF I manage to talk to her, and IF she's single and not married/engaged/has a boyfriend and IF she's at all interested in me, and IF she's interesting/got the spark, and IF I survive the first date, and IF I survive the first month, and IF she's really looking for something serious, and IF I manage not to screw it up, and IF she really loves me and I love her and she won't leave me for some guy... What are the odds of that?? You see, I feel I had that, and In my complete stupidity let it all go away...
RIO5 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks.. Look, I am trying to go out every day, as if to find someone better. I feel though it's just out of wanting to dim the pain. I feel that finding someone prettier to me, and 'older' as you say, that still has the spark to her is impossible. Even if I will find I don't really know what to do, how to approach her.. IF I see someone more beautiful than her (a. it's tough, she's very pretty. b. I can't settle for something like this, I'm sorry, I just need to be attracted to her, and will feel only bad if it's a 'downgrade' in those terms), and IF I manage to talk to her, and IF she's single and not married/engaged/has a boyfriend and IF she's at all interested in me, and IF she's interesting/got the spark, and IF I survive the first date, and IF I survive the first month, and IF she's really looking for something serious, and IF I manage not to screw it up, and IF she really loves me and I love her and she won't leave me for some guy... What are the odds of that?? You see, I feel I had that, and In my complete stupidity let it all go away... I see that your confidence is not as high as it should be. With all your IF's...you are really over thinking it. Who cares if she was smoking hot? Looks fade away but their personality is what you should be focused on. I couldnt date someone as hot as Megan Fox if she had an evil attitude. Eventually I would get tired of it. There are a lot of things involving relationships that you cant control BUT you can influence it in a lot of ways. Imagine if you walked around with a lot of confidence in life and you had a facial expression that made you approachable...you will meet a lot more people in life! Ask any women out there: a well dressed man who has confidence is sexy all in itself. If you do that, you already have something going for yourself and the chances of meeting someone special...increase. Thats very easy to do! If a women has high interest in you...a lot of your IFs that you stated above will not be a problem. No girl is going to leave you if you are a 'challenge' to her. You will survive the first date...you will survive the first month all because she is really really interested in you. In order to accomplish that, you gotta understand what women want/need. You have to be yourself at all times. You are going to make mistakes...everyone does. But what counters your fear about her leaving comes down to how high her interest level is. If it is through the roof...she'll never leave! This planet is filled with over 3.5 billion women...you WILL find someone. And she WILL be better than your ex! Focus on your confidence with life in general. You can do so much more once you achieved that.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 I see that your confidence is not as high as it should be. With all your IF's...you are really over thinking it. Who cares if she was smoking hot? Looks fade away but their personality is what you should be focused on. I couldnt date someone as hot as Megan Fox if she had an evil attitude. Eventually I would get tired of it. There are a lot of things involving relationships that you cant control BUT you can influence it in a lot of ways. Imagine if you walked around with a lot of confidence in life and you had a facial expression that made you approachable...you will meet a lot more people in life! Ask any women out there: a well dressed man who has confidence is sexy all in itself. If you do that, you already have something going for yourself and the chances of meeting someone special...increase. Thats very easy to do! If a women has high interest in you...a lot of your IFs that you stated above will not be a problem. No girl is going to leave you if you are a 'challenge' to her. You will survive the first date...you will survive the first month all because she is really really interested in you. In order to accomplish that, you gotta understand what women want/need. You have to be yourself at all times. You are going to make mistakes...everyone does. But what counters your fear about her leaving comes down to how high her interest level is. If it is through the roof...she'll never leave! This planet is filled with over 3.5 billion women...you WILL find someone. And she WILL be better than your ex! Focus on your confidence with life in general. You can do so much more once you achieved that. Thanks, but how? How do I become confident when I'm shattered like this?
RIO5 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks, but how? How do I become confident when I'm shattered like this? What helped me a lot was this guy called 'Doc Love'. He is a relationship expert. The man knows what he is talking about. Every Thursday someone will send Doc Love an email explaining their problem. He breaks it down to the point where he separates facts from fiction. He helps men become better people in life. Yes he focuses a lot on relationship but at the end of the day, he helps you become a better person. When I was heart broken, I turned to his articles. I read every single one. I learned something from each article he wrote. I find his stuff to be priceless! I understand women much much better than before. Eventually I bought his book and that thing is like my bible. My life has improve so much and as a bonus my relationships with the ladies comes easier to me. I havent found the right one yet but I am headed in the right direction. Here's his website: http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/ Not too many people know about him but the guy really knows his stuff. My confidence is sky high because of him. Hopefully Doc Love can help you as well...
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 What helped me a lot was this guy called 'Doc Love'. He is a relationship expert. The man knows what he is talking about. Every Thursday someone will send Doc Love an email explaining their problem. He breaks it down to the point where he separates facts from fiction. He helps men become better people in life. Yes he focuses a lot on relationship but at the end of the day, he helps you become a better person. When I was heart broken, I turned to his articles. I read every single one. I learned something from each article he wrote. I find his stuff to be priceless! I understand women much much better than before. Eventually I bought his book and that thing is like my bible. My life has improve so much and as a bonus my relationships with the ladies comes easier to me. I havent found the right one yet but I am headed in the right direction. Here's his website: http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/ Not too many people know about him but the guy really knows his stuff. My confidence is sky high because of him. Hopefully Doc Love can help you as well... Reading stuff about stuff like what girls want now makes me feel like its too late already, I had a chance and I blew it, and if I'll ever have another shot at this it feels really far away. Especially depressing are articles about 'how to be better in bed' and variations, even seeing those makes me feel such loss and failure. I'll check it out though, I won't dismiss it right off the bat.
RIO5 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Reading stuff about stuff like what girls want now makes me feel like its too late already, I had a chance and I blew it, and if I'll ever have another shot at this it feels really far away. Especially depressing are articles about 'how to be better in bed' and variations, even seeing those makes me feel such loss and failure. I'll check it out though, I won't dismiss it right off the bat. Man, you cant think like that. I know its tough but a lot of people have been in your shoes before. I have been in your shoes before! I have seen the light and life has turned out for the best. Thinking about the 'coulda, woulda, and shoulda' are not going to get you anywhere. Those who live in the past, stay IN the past. Trust me, if we all had time machines to go back and fix our mistakes...we ALL would do it. But that doesnt exist right now. To move on faster with life, you gotta let your past go. Create a NEW you! Those articles MAKE you a better person. They HELP you point out YOUR flaws. You want to learn as much as possible so when you find someone special, you can limit your mistakes. I wouldnt put so much thought into sex right now. I know it bothers you that your ex is with someone else but yet you forget the fact that they too will have their own problems and eventually it will not work out. That girl is young, the chances of them working things out are slim. Life will work its course between those two so try not to focus too much on that. Try to relax as much as possible and slowly build up to a better, new you. You can do it but if you want to ponder about the past, your broken heart will continue to be like that. The best way to fix that is to move on. Buddy, I would have killed to have the information I am telling you. All the over thinking, wondering about the past mistakes and holding onto the past got me nowhere. The moment I let all that stuff go...thats when I realize that there is so much more to life than ONE girl who will be missing out on a whole lot of great things. Once your ex sees that your doing great in life, I promise you...she is gonna be feeling stupid about leaving you.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Man, you cant think like that. I know its tough but a lot of people have been in your shoes before. I have been in your shoes before! I have seen the light and life has turned out for the best. Thinking about the 'coulda, woulda, and shoulda' are not going to get you anywhere. Those who live in the past, stay IN the past. Trust me, if we all had time machines to go back and fix our mistakes...we ALL would do it. But that doesnt exist right now. To move on faster with life, you gotta let your past go. Create a NEW you! Those articles MAKE you a better person. They HELP you point out YOUR flaws. You want to learn as much as possible so when you find someone special, you can limit your mistakes. I wouldnt put so much thought into sex right now. I know it bothers you that your ex is with someone else but yet you forget the fact that they too will have their own problems and eventually it will not work out. That girl is young, the chances of them working things out are slim. Life will work its course between those two so try not to focus too much on that. Try to relax as much as possible and slowly build up to a better, new you. You can do it but if you want to ponder about the past, your broken heart will continue to be like that. The best way to fix that is to move on. Buddy, I would have killed to have the information I am telling you. All the over thinking, wondering about the past mistakes and holding onto the past got me nowhere. The moment I let all that stuff go...thats when I realize that there is so much more to life than ONE girl who will be missing out on a whole lot of great things. Once your ex sees that your doing great in life, I promise you...she is gonna be feeling stupid about leaving you. Thank you, your words are helping. It's so hard to let go, it's like killing myself for the promise that I'll be resurrected. The memories haunt me all the time, all the smells, places, objects... everything I am brings me to think of her. Every time it's like a knife that cuts me, pressure in the chest, no air. How can I tell myself not to think about it? The thoughts come by their own...
Karala Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It's so hard to let go, it's like killing myself for the promise that I'll be resurrected. Wow, this must be one of the most dead-on things that I've read on this board.
RIO5 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Thank you, your words are helping. It's so hard to let go, it's like killing myself for the promise that I'll be resurrected. The memories haunt me all the time, all the smells, places, objects... everything I am brings me to think of her. Every time it's like a knife that cuts me, pressure in the chest, no air. How can I tell myself not to think about it? The thoughts come by their own... Man...I felt the same way 2 years ago. I can honestly say that I was at my lowest of lows when my ex left me. But looking back at it now, I am at the highest of highs when it comes to life. I was very disappointed in myself when I was mega depressed. I let so much of life pass me by. I had tons of girls who wanted me but I just blew them off. My school work was effected by my depression and it got so bad that my time to graduate from college was pushed back by a year! Thats embarrassing! I was acting like a complete fool all because of one girl. A girl who didnt want me. Instead of manning up and moving on with my life...I just acted like an immature, spoiled brat who couldnt face reality... That was 2 years ago. But I do not feel that way anymore. If I can make it through my mess...so can you and everyone who feels lost in life. This storm will pass. You will become a better person. You will find someone that will keep you happy. One day...maybe not today, next week or next month BUT one day...you will look at what your going through and just laugh at how silly you were acting. A lot of this is in your head. STAY STRONG! Believe that tomorrow will be a better day. I was there and I made it...you can too!
WhisperinnWinds Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 If you are still friends with her on Facebook, you are not 'no contact' - period. You are keeping the lines of communication open. It doesn't have to be direct for her to send you a message. I'm sure she knows exactly what she's doing by putting up pictures of her with other guys - to tantalize you, of course. She's still communicating with you - she's just doing it without words. There will be other people out there. I say this as someone who has been there and back. Don't break up with a girl and try to keep tabs on her from a distance. Just try to resume your life as much as normal. This is coming from someone who dumped her miserable ex, and less than 3 weeks later he was flaunting his new girlfriend. We had tried the whole 'be friends' thing too by keeping touch through text, Facebook, etc. But after I saw he had moved on, I realized I was kidding myself by 'pretending' to move on from him. I cut contact 3 - 4 years ago and haven't looked back since. Honestly, until you really put her out of your life, you will not move on from her. You're worried about speaking pleasingly on your social networking page because of her. She's still on your thoughts because you've allowed her to occupy your intimate space. Cast her out!
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 If you are still friends with her on Facebook, you are not 'no contact' - period. You are keeping the lines of communication open. It doesn't have to be direct for her to send you a message. I'm sure she knows exactly what she's doing by putting up pictures of her with other guys - to tantalize you, of course. She's still communicating with you - she's just doing it without words. There will be other people out there. I say this as someone who has been there and back. Don't break up with a girl and try to keep tabs on her from a distance. Just try to resume your life as much as normal. This is coming from someone who dumped her miserable ex, and less than 3 weeks later he was flaunting his new girlfriend. We had tried the whole 'be friends' thing too by keeping touch through text, Facebook, etc. But after I saw he had moved on, I realized I was kidding myself by 'pretending' to move on from him. I cut contact 3 - 4 years ago and haven't looked back since. Honestly, until you really put her out of your life, you will not move on from her. You're worried about speaking pleasingly on your social networking page because of her. She's still on your thoughts because you've allowed her to occupy your intimate space. Cast her out! I didn't dump her, she dumped me, I love her and wouldn't dump her ever, I thought we were together forever but she just bailed after a stupid fight (which I initiated) I feel so damn guilty, and somewhere inside I hope she's on a rebound to mask her pain and that she'll miss me. I can't just delete her, it will feel like sending a message that I'll never want to see her again, and prevent her from seeing that I'm improving in life...
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