LittleMonkey Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Guys, I'm just about over 3 weeks of NC, things have been looking slightly better (possibly because of denial), but then I found out she changed her FB profile to a pic of her with some other guy (I'll spare the profanity) Story's on my previous thread. I've been having non-stop nightmares every night, and they've been getting worse since I found out about that. Previously people said that it's probably a rebound, but I'm in so much pain, afraid she's gonna stay with that ****, worst part is thinking of her sleeping with him, you see we were each others firsts, and the thought of her sharing that with someone else, him defiling her like that is unbearable... On facebook I've hidden her wall posts, and hid her on chat, some people tell me to unfriend her, but should I? obviously I still have feelings for her... Pros: Unfriending may on one side(if she even notices, she's got like 4000 friends) make her feel like I'm moving further away, moving on which may make her miss me.Keeping her may make her think I'm keeping her because I still want her back and stalking her, maybe it makes her feel like she can still have me whenever she wants (which is probably true because I have intense feelings for her)If I unfriend her, I may feel freer to write anything I want without thinking what she may think about it (if she hadn't hid me too, that is...)Preventing her from seeing updates about me may strengthen NC, 'vanishing off the face of the earth'Unfriending her myself may be better than finding out someday that she's unfriended me. Cons: From my side, not seeing her updates/chat goes half way anyway.Unfriending her may seem to her as if I'm doing it for childish reasons, as if I care too much about Facebook stuff trying to do something symbolic to attract attention (already made a mistake here, the day she dumped me I changed the relationship status from blank (we both had it blank) to single, she changes to single about 2 weeks later-still afraid she may have seen I've changed it so she's changed it too)Her profile is set to friends only so I really won't be able to see anything anymore, don't know if its a bad thing though...Unfriending feels very final, as if I'm giving up all hope of getting back, something that can't be undone (I can't send her a friend request after unfriending her, that would be seriously lame)I also have some of her family/friends on facebook, so deleting her and not them may contribute to the 'childish' reason. Deleting them too, may seem childish too...Unfriending her will prevent her from seeing updates about me, how 'I move on with life and happy without her' (if she hadn't hid me, again). So what will it be?
MidnightinMadrid Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Then follow your heart and dont unfriend her. remember your going to be obsessively looking at her FB page and thats something you may not want to do. Remember you can post anything in your wall,take pics with friends,preferabbly hot female ones. This happened to a poster,he took a pic with one of his friends,and ex wrote immediately to him asking about her,and gor upset. This months after she broke up with him and took up with someone new! not saying to play games,however you have a life too,and should show it. How do you know she's not checking your FB page?
Ginger Beer Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Facebook creates so many problems. Just delete it.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 How do you know she's not checking your FB page? I don't know she's not checking, but with her being all apparently happy with that new guy suddenly, putting a pic of them together on the profile pic, it feels like I've never existed to her (after 4.5 years), she's wiped me out, not even bothering to unfriend me. Maybe that's just my thinking...
RIO5 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 The girl is playing mind games and its WORKING! Dont ever tell her that you were having nightmares about her because she would be getting exactly what she wants. She does miss you dude! She is with another guy so she can be distracted from thinking about YOU! If you two were together that long and she is already in another relationship....cmon dude, she aint over you. She would have to be completely heartless to move on that quickly. Dont let this girl have power over you. I understand that you miss/love her but you gotta come back to reality and take care of yourself. You are only hurting yourself by looking at her page. Think about it: if you didn't check her stuff out...if you didn't log on...you wouldn't be in this position! So it be wise to stay away from that stuff until you can mentally handle it. From one guy to another, dont fool yourself...whatever you two did sexually...she is going to do that with someone else. So brace yourself for that one. I know that sucks but one day this storm will pass. I have been in your shoes before, once I found someone who was 10 times better than my ex...I just laughed at how silly/dumb I was acting. Could you be obsessed with her? If so, that aint good. Maybe you should stay away from Facebook until things get better for you. If not, then until you can mentally handle it again...maybe you should remove her.
Exit Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 A pros and cons list... so much thought that has to go into using a stupid website, I hate what Facebook has done to the mechanics of friendships and relationships. 3 weeks of NC, she's with someone else, how is this person still considered a "Friend" in any way shape or form. You don't need her on your Facebook. If you can't decide right now, at least disable yours for a few days or week and then rethink things.
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 A pros and cons list... so much thought that has to go into using a stupid website, I hate what Facebook has done to the mechanics of friendships and relationships. Exactly what I was thinking... Facebook does not deserve so much of your headspace. There's nothing childish about needing to not know what she's up to in order to be able to move on. And the rest of your concerns is mostly about games. Drop that stuff already, for you own sanity. I'd say the same thing as GingerBeer: "Delete!". But we're extremists. Hope you get on with your healing and feel better soon.
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Previously people said that it's probably a rebound, but I'm in so much pain, afraid she's gonna stay with that ****, worst part is thinking of her sleeping with him, you see we were each others firsts, and the thought of her sharing that with someone else, him defiling her like that is unbearable Agree with you here. I don't buy into the whole "it's just a rebound" excuse either -- truth of the matter is she's still screwing him, and maybe he's got a bigger penis and makes her cum louder and more often, or she gives him bjs every morning as a wake up call or sits on his d!ck in the middle of the night just to get herself off. Even if this is only a one-week rebound it's still unpleasant to think of all the ways he's pleasuring her while you're sitting at home agonizing whether or not to unfriend her on facebook.
smudge21 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I'd go for unfriend but not blocking. Set your page to friends only too. If she is playing games and wants your attention, the fact she won't know will have the same affect her actions is having on you. At the moment you are torturing yourself and I know exactly what that's like. FB is such an easy tool to keep an eye on an ex - its as if they never left and you're still a part of their lives. The truth is, they have gone and what you see on FB isn't their lives. It's a snapshop, a photo album of only the fun times. 10% of their day, if that. I still catch profile pics of my ex and they're always of her smiling and having fun. That hurts, but I also remember that it's just a picture of one single moment. She's hardly likely to put a picture of herself doing the washing up, if you get me. Once you've de-friended her, you will be tempted to search for info. I did that, and found out things that hurt even more. Try not to do it. Also, there's a good chance your ex will be in touch. You need to know what to reply with when she asks why have you deleted her. Personally, I'd be honest with her, but that's up to you.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Agree with you here. I don't buy into the whole "it's just a rebound" excuse either -- truth of the matter is she's still screwing him, and maybe he's got a bigger penis and makes her cum louder and more often, or she gives him bjs every morning as a wake up call or sits on his d!ck in the middle of the night just to get herself off. Even if this is only a one-week rebound it's still unpleasant to think of all the ways he's pleasuring her while you're sitting at home agonizing whether or not to unfriend her on facebook. Gee thanks you just made me feel SO much better...
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 The Facebook Dilemma is no Dilemma. DELETE. Maybe I'll make that my siggy. haha.
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Gee thanks you just made me feel SO much better... Ha, sorry man, just wanted to let you know I totally agree that the "rebound" rationalization is a bunch of bs.
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Gee thanks you just made me feel SO much better... Don't bother about that. If you were together for 4.5 years, she IS thinking of you and missing you, of course!! But the truth of the matter is it doesn't matter, she still has opted ouf the relationship for whatever reasons. What matters now is that you take care of yourself and do your best to cope. I don't think it's a good idea to focus on what she may be up to (it may not be much but you have no means of knowing anyway so don't drive yourself crazy), whatever the case it's probably more than what you can handle at the moment anyway. Don't go thinking she's forgotten all about you and you don't mean anything to her anymore. You most probably still mean a lot, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you. I know that's hard, maybe impossible, to understand. I certainly don't get it how my ex boyfriend could still care about me and love me (which he admitted to) but still didn't want to be with me. But at some point I realized I just had no other choice but to accept it. Oh, and stay away from Crapbook.
Karala Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 She's hardly likely to put a picture of herself doing the washing up, if you get me. lol, love that.
Surf Rider Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I have posted other threads similiar to this one. I hate Facebook with a passion. After my ex dumped me, a bunch of drama started on her wall. I could give a care less what's going on in her life since she ripped my heart out. My opinion, either delete or deactivate your fb. It will be worth your peace of mind. 1
Ginger Beer Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I have posted other threads similiar to this one. I hate Facebook with a passion. After my ex dumped me, a bunch of drama started on her wall. I could give a care less what's going on in her life since she ripped my heart out. My opinion, either delete or deactivate your fb. It will be worth your peace of mind. I agree with this post.
confused1989 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I'm on the "delete" bandwagon. It took me months to delete my ex, I waited around and debated it until she started uploading pictures of her and another guy. I should have just done it sooner, but I know in the end it was the right call and you can't heal having them on there. I debated deactivating it too but there are benefits to having one if you have the right people on there.
light_vader Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Yeah I agree it's a pain in the butt.. the whole relationship status thingy. The day my EX decided it was about time, she took off the status to single and then I panicked, specially after all of her "friends" told her "You'll get someone better bla bla", "OMFG??? WHAT????" and stuff like that from coworkers also. So I called her that day, begged and asked her to remove that wall post since it was hurting me. She told me "You were the one who put it there, to mark me as a cow, as YOURS" OUCH!!! Hahahaha Bad times those, bad times.
sola Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I just broke up with bf and was debating the whole facebook thing too. Isnt it silly that after we broke up the first thing I did when getting home was to update my relationship status? Yeah, we r giving too much importance to fb. I think deleting her is too permanent and will cause u more anxiety since it will prevent u frm knowing "what she's been up to". Its human nature wanting to know about the other person and how they r handling the breakup. Problem is, fb will let her paint whatever reality she wants. She might be posting pics with the other dude out of hurt, resentment or that could b her way of coping so she can move on (trying to push u away). If u don't want to unfriend her, try being away frm fb, change ur private settings to control what she can or can't see, u can even set it to get less or non updates frm her. But ultimately, if she had to get into a rebound relationship so quickly and after 4.5 yrs with u she's posting pics she clearly knows would hurt u, do u really want this person in ur life? Give it some time, eventually u will b ready to unfriend her and u won't look back!
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 I just broke up with bf and was debating the whole facebook thing too. Isnt it silly that after we broke up the first thing I did when getting home was to update my relationship status? Yeah, we r giving too much importance to fb. I think deleting her is too permanent and will cause u more anxiety since it will prevent u frm knowing "what she's been up to". Its human nature wanting to know about the other person and how they r handling the breakup. Problem is, fb will let her paint whatever reality she wants. She might be posting pics with the other dude out of hurt, resentment or that could b her way of coping so she can move on (trying to push u away). If u don't want to unfriend her, try being away frm fb, change ur private settings to control what she can or can't see, u can even set it to get less or non updates frm her. But ultimately, if she had to get into a rebound relationship so quickly and after 4.5 yrs with u she's posting pics she clearly knows would hurt u, do u really want this person in ur life? Give it some time, eventually u will b ready to unfriend her and u won't look back! There are 3 reasons that I thought of that she might have put all the pics and happy faces and love declarations and relationship status changes (yes this happened too yesterday, funny thing is she never put me in the relationship when we were together). Maybe she just doesn't care at all and forgot about me completely, erased me from her mind, and has the time of her life that she would post all this **** up.Maybe she does that to try to prove to herself that she's forgetting about me and moving on.Maybe, just maybe she does that to spite me, which means she still thinks about me... But I'm too afraid to hope for that. After all this, all the pain I'm going through, I still miss her so bad and want to be with her...
Rory12345 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I blocked and deleted my ex and may I say it was the best thing I did. I used to get nervous going on facebook now I don't. Block and delete, the best method!
geegirl Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 There are 3 reasons that I thought of that she might have put all the pics and happy faces and love declarations and relationship status changes (yes this happened too yesterday, funny thing is she never put me in the relationship when we were together). Maybe she just doesn't care at all and forgot about me completely, erased me from her mind, and has the time of her life that she would post all this **** up.Maybe she does that to try to prove to herself that she's forgetting about me and moving on.Maybe, just maybe she does that to spite me, which means she still thinks about me... But I'm too afraid to hope for that.After all this, all the pain I'm going through, I still miss her so bad and want to be with her... Maybe she's just so focused and involved in this new guy that she's just going through the motions, like anyone in a new relationship. Stop trying to come up with negative scenarios as to why she is doing what she is doing and turning everything she is doing as a reflection of what you meant to her or what your R meant to her. You're only beating yourself up. You will never know her motives. You can speculate till the cows come home. Understand that she is emotionally detached from you and is not looking at her actions through your eyes. Just because she's announcing to the world that she is with this guy, it's doesn't speak to the feelings she had for you and R. They're two separate relationships. You can sit there and list 100 "maybes" and you'll never find your answer. It's a break up. The normal progression is that either party, dumpee or dumper will move on to someone else. She's moved on. It's time you try to do the same instead of focusing on her every thought and motive. Pros and cons of FB? All you need to know is -- If it hurts and you have no self control, delete. If you want to NC for you and completely heal, delete. Anything else is just trivial compared to the importance of your emotional health and complete healing.
Gisele Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Homebrew, great post. I don't know why i get caught up in the stupid drama of the thing.
Karala Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 My aunt, who just turned 60 this month and has been married a little over 45 years... She just got a message a couple of months ago from a guy she dated almost 50 years ago. He was professing his love for her and wanted her to leave her husband for him. Wow!! This is a classic! Facebook has never been an issue for me in terms of worrying about my ex hitting on girls, because it's so not his type it's a joke, and I had 110% trust in his faithfulness. That's the type of thing that makes me sad when I think about it, because I don't know if I can ever find a guy again with such strong integrity. But Facebook as been hell for me since the breakup because of how IMPOSSIBLE it makes it to completely burn bridges. At the moment, I am avoiding almost ALL of my friends, because almost all of them have my ex on their Facebook friendlist, and I'm traumatized about the idea of seeing my friends and knowing that they know what my ex is up to. And some of those friends are not EVEN mutual friends of my ex and I, they're my friends, but at some point they added my ex because he was my boyfriend. If not for Facebook, those people would have zero contact with my ex and I could feel free to see them. But right now I'm don't feel free to do that. I'm basically making myself a recluse because of my need to shun my ex out of my life completely. You can tell me that it's my fault I'm so sensitive about hearing about my ex and I should just get over it already, but still. I blame Facebook, and I hate it with a passion.
Karala Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Another Benefit of Facebook... Not only do you have to break up with the person... you now have to "ask" all your friends and family to break up with him too. Except I would never do such a thing, because 1) I'm so embarassed and ashamed about how sensitive I am about hearing about my ex, I don't wont to have to admit it to all of these people, and have them all think "oh wow she really has a hard time getting over him..."and 2) I would never want to tell them what to do, it's not their fault that my ex and I broke up, and I don't ever want to seem like I'm forcing anybody to take sides. Yeah, even my own friends. If they want to keep my ex on their FB list, even if they just saw him a couple of times at parties, they should feel free to do that. What if my whole social life goes out the window, huh. (I'm being cynical okay). I hate Facebook.
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