SoFrigginLonely Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I have found these forums and haven't yet been able to "browse" through them completely but I am in desperate need of help and advice that no one else has offered me. ...here's my story... I love her so much. We have no children. But the changes have become unbearable. I am trying to stick through everything but the problem is: moving. She wants to move all the time. since I have been with her in the last 10 years we have moved 7 times (I know that may not seem alot to some) but it is to me. We are now about ready to move yet again, and I can't help but think it won't be the last time once again... ...I don't want to constantly move. I want to have a HOME. I have boxes of my belongings that I haven't even unpacked since move number ....whichever. Since we've been married, I have felt like I've been homeless. No place to settle down. I can't stand it. I don't want to split because I really care for her but I can't become a nomad. I have contemplated about leaving for stability, but my biggest fear is that I have never lived on my own. I only earn 2500 per month...but even if I could live on my own I wouldn't know where to start. I am so stricken by not just fear but grief in that very sense. I have never been this scared in my life.... ...Can someone please help me?
ShatteredReality Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Have you really talked to her about this? Why does she always want to move? You most certainly could live on your own on what you make...even if that is before taxes...of course I say that hoping you don't live in NY or LA or someplace like that. Where I live we're rated 105 cost of living according to stats - that's 5% above national average. In our current home $2500 would be difficult, but if we had a smaller mortgage or rented we could swing it and we're a family of four. Do not let a fear of being on your own stop you. If that's the only reason you stay with her you will eventually resent her and most likely jump right from her to another woman just to avoid being alone and that it not healthy...not to mention in order to make that jump you'll have to cheat as well. So...barring knowing why she wants to be a nomad...I can only partially address your issue....sorry - but hopefully it's a start!
Author SoFrigginLonely Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Thanks my new friend....aaaauggghhh this is so giving me an ulcer. I live in one of the most "affordable" cities in the U.S. Don't want to give it away but Bob Sieger mentioned it in "Turn the Page"....(gave it away to rock fans) I have no idea what to do and I'm really way beyond frightened. I feel so homeless. Why she moves constantly I don't know....but it always happens....either our payments are bad (which I am willing to accept) or something way incredibly stupid. I really don't want to call it off...BUT... Can anyone send me info about living alone and supporting yourself...I'm sure I can figure it out but when I deal with grief....my mind will be able to focus a bit. (ShatteredReality thanks so much for your post and your help!!!)
willowthewisp Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Hang on. I in no way been to invalidate your feelings or minimise this problem, it is clearly a problem however... What do you mean how can you leave her because she wants to move all the time? You love this women yet because you have not been able to enforce a boundry, that you do not want to keep moving, you are going to leave her after 10 years? You can't be serious? This problem is completely sovable with some communication between the two of you, why would you throw away someone you love for the sake of having a difficult conversation and maybe some marriage counselling to help the two of you communicate your needs and enforce boundaries better. I know you said you had not looked round this site much yet, but take a look, because once you see what some peoples spouses are capable of doing to them, you might just realise that whilst this IS a problem it is fixable.
ShatteredReality Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I'd be more than happy to help you out with finding some ways to budget for living alone. But I agree with Willow that you need to talk to her about this first. Sit her down and tell her there's beeing something bothering you for awhile and you just didn't realize how important it was until this last move you've made. Tell her you don't like the life of a nomad and need to stop packing up and moving about. It affects all aspects of your comfort and life in general, affects your social life and work commute...etc. Start with talking to her - find out WHY in reality she is always so disatisfied with your new homes and try to help her find contentment.
YellowShark Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Something stinks in Denmark. Nobody wants to move that much on purpose. Nobody. You need to find out the issue before you move anywhere with her again. No negotiation. She has you by the huevos - (if ya know what I mean) - and that's gotta stop because it's just not right, and you are miserable because of it.
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