Queen Zenobia Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Tell that to all the female friends over the years who didn't want to date me. I'm talking about friends in general, male or female. And, you shouldn't always try to date your female friends, rather they can help you build up a social network including single women.
stepka Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Lawmaker, my new hobby this year is contra dancing and one of the reasons that I like it is that none of us have social skills--every one of us there is a misfit anywhere else. And with contra you learn to flirt and look people in the eye enticingly and all kinds of other things that you might need for getting a date. Then last night I went to English country dance and we're even nerdier--I like it because they're all so smart (and they let me keep coming:p.) It's a thought and there just might be a group near you. Even if you don't find a date there you'll have a good time and get your endorphins rushing and you just dance and flirt--no time for conversating, so no one even need know that you lack social skills. I'm way happier since I started doing this.
Author TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 So, what do you plan to do about it? Probably nothing. I have given up on killing myself, but I have resigned myself to a lifetime of involuntary celibacy.
Wolf18 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 It's not that I'm not "good enough", I just feel I'm compatible with a very small segment of the female population. I found one girl who was extremely compatible with me, but it didn't work out because there was another guy she's into. She said that she would've dated me if he didn't exist, LOL, just bad luck really. I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend, but really I know it's beating a dead horse, but it's just American women are not compatible with me. I don't plan on living here in the future and have seen first hand that women in other countries are more compatible and easier to get to like me anyway, so I'm not too worried . The only issue I have right now is getting my sexual release and It's been almost a year, this can drive a man insane.
Author TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 It's not that I'm not "good enough", I just feel I'm compatible with a very small segment of the female population. I found one girl who was extremely compatible with me, but it didn't work out because there was another guy she's into. She said that she would've dated me if he didn't exist, LOL, just bad luck really. I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend, but really I know it's beating a dead horse, but it's just American women are not compatible with me. I don't plan on living here in the future and have seen first hand that women in other countries are more compatible and easier to get to like me anyway, so I'm not too worried . The only issue I have right now is getting my sexual release and It's been almost a year, this can drive a man insane. I am really attracted to British girls, but the chances of me getting with a British girl is probably pretty unlikely. And I am tired of masturbating. I know, how could you get tired of that? (Well, when it's all you've ever known, including oral sex, you kind of get sick of it. I want a vagina or a girl's mouth on my penis, not my own freakin' hand!)
Wolf18 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I am really attracted to British girls, but the chances of me getting with a British girl is probably pretty unlikely. And I am tired of masturbating. I know, how could you get tired of that? (Well, when it's all you've ever known, including oral sex, you kind of get sick of it. I want a vagina or a girl's mouth on my penis, not my own freakin' hand!) Do you live in Great Britain? British women are pretty similar to American women. Unless you're willing to put in a ridiculous amount of time into your appearance, study your ass off at school to get a 6 figure job, etc, give up on the idea of ever marrying a even average looking British or American woman.
Author TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Do you live in Great Britain? British women are pretty similar to American women. Unless you're willing to put in a ridiculous amount of time into your appearance, study your ass off at school to get a 6 figure job, etc, give up on the idea of ever marrying a even average looking British or American woman. Well, that leaves me screwed, because those are the only ethnicities I'm attracted to.
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I would join a club that challenges you to be social, such as Toastmasters. It's free and everyone in the club is looking to improve their social skills so you're all in the same boat.
Author TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Look, that won't change the women I'm attracted to! I don't even know why I post here, because I am so angry at women that I don't even want one!
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I'm talking about friends in general, male or female. And, you shouldn't always try to date your female friends, rather they can help you build up a social network including single women. How do you know his female friends weren't women who originally turned him down and offered him friendship instead?
Pianiste Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 How do you know his female friends weren't women who originally turned him down and offered him friendship instead? Even if they were the ones that turned him down their social network could still be useful to him. :-)
Queen Zenobia Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 How do you know his female friends weren't women who originally turned him down and offered him friendship instead? I don't. But I'm giving him ideas on how to get out of his current situation. It seems though that he'd rather just complain about it. No one's situation is completely hopeless.
spacegirlspiff Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Hopefully I won't come across as being shallow here but if you don't mind me asking, on a scale of 1 - 10, how would you rate yourself? Be honest. If you have a great personality, guess you should try improving your looks? New haircut maybe or a wardrobe upgrade?
iris219 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 My social life is pretty much nonexistent. I post on the computer, and that's it. I've tried making friends. It's hard. I had lots of friends in high school, but after I left, I can't seem to make friends easily anymore. This is what’s causing you the most distress. I would guess that you yearn for some sort of social/human interaction vs. sex and a relationship. You’d be A LOT happier if you had a social network, regardless of whether or not you find someone to date in a year. You have to start talking to people and making friends. This is hard, but worth it. Start going to see bands play, by yourself. Luckily, society doesn’t find it weird when guys do these things alone. Talk to the regulars you see at the coffeeshop. They might not turn out to be your best friends, but having this social interaction will be rewarding for you. You do not sound ready to be in relationship right now. You need to learn how to interact socially with people before you can consider a relationship. You seem to think your life would be so much better if you could be in relationship. This is not the case. A relationship is not going to solve all your problems. It is not going to make you feel better about yourself. It is not going to motivate you to lose weight. It is not magic. If you think a relationship is going to change your life and make everything better, you are deluding yourself. I can’t find a relationship either. I’m not having sex. I may never have children But I have great friends, I have a satisfying job, I have things I enjoying doing on a daily basis, I love my dog. I don’t know that I’ll ever find a relationship, but what I have in my life now is enough that I would never consider ending my life. My life would be better with someone to share it with, but I’m genuinely happy with my life and myself. You have to get to this point before you would be able to maintain a relationship.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I feel the same way. These days, I feel like I'm obviously not pretty enough to attract anyone but *******s and losers. And I'm doing everything I can to be healthy and positive and look good. And still, I only attract *******s and losers. I have friends in relationships with wonderful guys, but these women treat them like ****. And the guys reward them with endless loyalty and service. I am starting to give up hope, lose motivation, and feel lost.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Ruby has shown herself to be attracted to assertive, confident, and attractive men. 9 times out of 10, these traits in men also make them narcissistic, players, and not stable. NO woman is attracted to passive, unconfident, unattractive men. I'd say that Ruby's own choice in men (a choice that many women share, which is why they end up with poor choices in men) is what's leading to her being single. Yes, and if you and other 20- and 30-something virgins were attracted to fat, unattractive, and socially awkward women, you'd have no shortage of options, either.
quietGuy13 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Yeah women love bad guys. And all of us good guys are seen like trash crap. The only ones who think I was nice and would talk to me were ladies in their 50's. Seems women turn nicer and kinder when they age. But teens and women in their' 20's, 30's are just seeking bad boys. No way around it. Unless you have a great job or are rich.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Yes, and if you and other 20- and 30-something virgins were attracted to fat, unattractive, and socially awkward women, you'd have no shortage of options, either. You know to a huge extent this is a bit unfair. This assumes that all men who are inexperienced are unattractive and completely unassertive in every way. Obviously Lawmaker has expressed issues with this social awkwardness and weight, but there are plenty of in shape, good looking, and not completely socially awkward men who are sexually inexperienced. Why in the world would they, being in shape, attractive, and generally friendly (albeit somewhat afraid of women) be attracted to someone who isn't? This post is just completely absurd. This isn't the first post I've seen you show complete disdain for inexperienced men so I can only assume you have some ax to grind.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 She has a disdain for nice guys and inexperienced men. Ruby is deflecting that she desireds jerks. You're inferring here. I don't know what kinds of guys she likes dating. And the whole nice guys vs jerks is a false dichotomy anyway: hardly anyone falls into those two extremes. I was criticizing a specific disparaging (and generalized) remark she made about 20-30 something year old virgins that she has said before. Most of your comments on this board thus far TNG have been counterproductive.
Woggle Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 You have to change your mindset. Instead of asking if you are good enough for people you have to ask if they are good enough for you. Attitude is 75% of the game.
amethyste Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Below average experience is bad to them. Yes it is.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I agree with this. Look, women who like passive men are attracted to passive men. Women who like chubby men are attracted to chubby men. And so on. I certainly don't think I'm unattractive. I was just told yesterday by someone online (different forum) that I look good with my new haircut, and it was by an attractive girl. I've also been hit on when I was much fatter than I am now...and no, the girl was skinny. Ruby seems to have an ax to grind, I agree. I just pointed out that if she goes after the same type of man time after time, and they treat her badly, perhaps she needs to pick a different type? Same with me: if I get rejected by all blonds, perhaps I should try a brunette? And this thread has been successfully hijacked now. Thanks TopNiceGuy (who isn't a "top nice guy.") I got approached by women a lot more early in high school when I was fat. At least 3 women were interested in me (all of them attractive) and for reasons that I won't get into here (because it's a long story) I didn't pursue. Now that I've been in shape for years women won't come near me with a ten and a half foot pole. I'm the same guy I was before (except maybe a little older, wiser, and smarter and much thinner) just with much less luck. Physical attraction is only part of the story. As for Ruby, I don't think she's a horrible person or anything (I don't know her and most likely never will), but I wanted to respond simply because I don't think most people quite get the whole myriad of issues male late bloomers have. They think everything is about how high your standards are, as if we're all paupers trying to live like princes. Sometimes people just have bad luck that compounds over time. It's perfectly reasonable for an attractive person to be attracted to attractive people, even if he's a somewhat distraught older virgin.
krz12 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Don't mean to be an @sshole but I'm actually kind of shocked that there's so many seemingly well-adjusted people who are virgins going into their 30s. And here I thought I was a late bloomer for having been a virgin going into my 20s. It's a snowball effect. A lot of kids are unpopular in high school. They go to college and they figure it out. You miss that second chance and it gets harder from there. Once you kick off a career, if you're successful, well, you actually gain some confidence in yourself but lose the plentiful access to 20-30 year olds. If you're not, then you still feel like a loser.
Woggle Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 These same women will then call you a misogynist if you don't want a woman who has been rid more than a ferris wheel.
Recommended Posts