Ladyfuzz Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 First off, fantastic website!. Here we have my story, i was with him for 8 months, not as long as some but still heart breaking. When he left i was given so many reasons, or what i like to call excuses. - He doesnt deserve me - He needs to be single and work on him - Hes not ready - Its not you its me His reasons kept changing, like he didnt have a real reason to leave, just an excuse to throw me off with, as far as i knew we were happy, when he said it was over i left and gave him his space but the next day he begged me back to work on us, i came back but he was only leading me on to tell me 2 weeks later, we will NEVER be together again, apparently he no longer believes in second chances, and he handed me this haunting line. 'Im sorry you have feelings, i feel bad, ill be your friend if thatll make you feel better" i had enough after hearing that and went no contact, which has only been for 6 days, today i seen him and i tried to do the decent thing and say hello to him as we passed, he just looked at me and ignored me right to my face,like i was a total stranger. I then got home to find out, 2 days into my no contact he had gotten back with his ex who he dated for 2 month, they are aparently so in love and he now hates me, im pathetic and amusing for trying to say hello to him, he no longer cares for me so i should get out of his life. Let me mention this is the ex he left for his previous ex before her, and he left me for her, i see a pattern developing. I feel lied to and cheated, how can i one day be his whole world to then be treated with such hate, i dont know what went wrong and i dont feel like asking anymore, no contact all the way. My question, how can someone say they love you to then develope such hate? How can he move on so fast and treat me like i dont exist. He doesnt say that im his ex, he calls me just a friend, but i dont get the honour of been called that now, i guess im one of those drunken memories you'd like to forget, thats alot of memories to forget. It would amuse me greatly to know where things went wrong, i guess we can start with the fact he down graded and when there old problems arise, he will come running back and he will be met by .... 'oh sweety sorry you have feelings, its me not you, sorry again lets me friends <3'
RuinedLife Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Love/hate is a thin line because you can go from loving someone to hating someone within seconds. That doesn't mean you don't love them, it's the opposite in fact. Therefore the opposite of love is indifference because at that point you just don't care anymore about that person. Yes this is so true! Love and hate are one and the same! This is why sworn enemies become obsessed with each other in movies. Eg. The Joker "hates" Batman with a passion, but really there is more to it.
Mack05 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) I find this the hardest part. When I think of my ex, I remember this overly affectionate girl who always loved to cuddle. One night, she said I was "the love of her life". Two months later I bump into her, after breaking up and there is no love in her eyes....I don't think I will ever figure out how her feelings for me could go so quick, or how she can move on from me so fast. It's 2 months nearly NC and I still think about her all the time. She was so beautiful. Blew me away. The most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Sometimes we just have to accept that there are people in life that we will never fully understand. I went through what most people are going through here right now. Picking up the pieces of a shattered heart/life. I asked a lot of how's and why's. MANY sleepness nights, tossing and turning. I don't do that anymore. The hurt and anger are gone and now I just miss by best friend. I hope she is happy where ever she is, or who she is now with. I forgave her for the cruel heartless things she said and did to me at the very end and now I am in the very slow process of moving on from her. Accepting that we are two good people who just were not meant to be together. I keep moving forward in a positive way each day. I am getting there (SLOWLY) and so will you... Edited June 12, 2011 by Mack05
RuinedLife Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 The worst thing about my break up in some ways is knowing that my ex only sees me as pathetic now and as someone to pity. Its like he cares, but really after my anxiety and insecurities ruined our relationship he has no respect for me and just wants me gone. I thought I was making him happy and adding to his life in a positive way, but when he told me... "I'm happier without you" that was like a knife through my heart. It really does make me feel utterly worthless, like he only kept me around out of pity or a sense of obligation and that he never really loved me, I was never really making him happy and he never really wanted me. But the worst part is I don't blame him. I just take that rejection on board and take is so personally like his opinion of me and his lack of love for me is evidence of fundamental worthlessness and unlovable nature.
Mack05 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) Ruined I feel your pain. I know for a fact my ex has a VERY low opinion of me and that hurt (past tense). Only you and you alone, can get your self esteem and self confidence back. I couldn't give a monkeys what my ex's opinion and her friends opinion of me is. Nobody and I mean nobody outside of me determines my self worth. I know I am a winner, a good guy with a lot to offer the right girl. Right now you HAVE to rebuild your self esteem and your self worth because if you don't you probably won't attract many guys and the one's you do attract will be all wrong for you. This is a crucial time for you, a crucial test of character. Now is the time to find that inner strength in yourself which we all have. Climb back to the top of the mountain and prove (no matter what anyone else thinks) that you are a winner. This whole process of getting back to the real you is going to make you such a better person. Not only that when you get back your confidence, you will then start to attract the right kind of guys. I wish you well on your road back to being a winner Edited June 12, 2011 by Mack05
RuinedLife Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Ruined I feel your pain. I know for a fact my ex has a VERY low opinion of me and that hurt (past tense). Only you and you alone, can get your self esteem and self confidence back. I couldn't give a monkeys what my ex's opinion and her friends opinion of me is. Nobody and I mean nobody outside of me determines my self worth. I know I am a winner, a good guy with a lot to offer the right girl. Right now you HAVE to rebuild your self esteem and your self worth because if you don't you probably won't attract many guys and the one's you do attract will be all wrong for you. This is a crucial time for you, a crucial test of character. Now is the time to find that inner strength in yourself which we all have. Climb back to the top of the mountain and prove (no matter what anyone else thinks) that you are a winner. This whole process of getting back to the real you is going to make you such a better person. Not only that when you get back your confidence, you will then start to attract the right kind of guys. I wish you well on your road back to being a winner Thanks for the inspiring words! You are right, I need to build up my self esteem again and realize my own self worth and potential. Its a struggle when I've sunk into such a depression but I will keep trying.
MissMoni Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 The worst thing about my break up in some ways is knowing that my ex only sees me as pathetic now and as someone to pity. Its like he cares, but really after my anxiety and insecurities ruined our relationship he has no respect for me and just wants me gone. Ruined, I know how you feel because I felt and still feel the same way sometimes. The thing is, we can't possibly know what our exes think about us, and even if they do think we are pathetic, we will only spiral downwards if we use their opinions as a value to our worth. I know how you feel, because I too am trying to rebuild my self esteem (which can only come from within). I have a lot of "external" things going for me right now in terms of my goals and career, but I still feel as if I am worth nothing most days because he left me. But we need to realize that our exes leaving us is not about our worth, it's about the fact that we weren't a compatible match with each other, for whatever reason. And most of the time, we won't fully know that reason. So we must let it go and begin to focus on ourselves instead.
RuinedLife Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Ruined, I know how you feel because I felt and still feel the same way sometimes. The thing is, we can't possibly know what our exes think about us, and even if they do think we are pathetic, we will only spiral downwards if we use their opinions as a value to our worth. I know how you feel, because I too am trying to rebuild my self esteem (which can only come from within). I have a lot of "external" things going for me right now in terms of my goals and career, but I still feel as if I am worth nothing most days because he left me. But we need to realize that our exes leaving us is not about our worth, it's about the fact that we weren't a compatible match with each other, for whatever reason. And most of the time, we won't fully know that reason. So we must let it go and begin to focus on ourselves instead. Yes thats very good advice! Thank you Its just difficult to put in to practice, especially when I've been so ill. I just want to enjoy life as I used to, but I think about my ex constantly and everything I used to enjoy reminds me of him. In fact no matter what I'm doing I'm thinking about him. Its like he's become a cancer of my mind. I read other peoples stories on here and I picture him in my head, as I'm reading. Its just so hard to stop the memories as they've become so intense. Its like I'm waiting for the day when I'll feel better and yesterday I did a little, but I've crashed again to another very low point and the future just seems black. I need a touch to shine my way though I guess.
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