Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I am glad that Daphne has seen the light. Taking time to get to know a person first before a relationship forms is a good idea. Well, after recent events I am not so sure I did the right thing. Peter Pan isn't named so because he's mature and good at relationships.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Well, maybe not quite 100. I know I counted up one year and it was ~50 dates. I slowed down a lot since then, so the number may be closer to 80 or so in reality. I adopted the philosophy of having a cup of coffee or date with anyone that accepted my invitation. I figured I should hold off judgement until I at least got to know the person on one good date. It did a lot to break some preconceptions I had and a couple of my best relationships were with women I would have otherwise dismissed. I certainly do have a good idea of what I want. Unfortunately, easier said than done. I may really have something with this new woman though. She seems wonderful. Close enough. You've stilled dated WAAAYYY more people than I have. I guess I was a late bloomer. Right now I'm kind of back to the drawing board and wondering if I should be so open minded to people who are different from me. Not so sure how much someone values you if they think you don't have the same lifestyle and background. Sounds like you have a shot at something good. Congratulations! Hope things work out for you two.
Girlygirl1977 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Daphne, I've always enjoyed your level-headed commentary and hopefully this isn't 100% done. Take a little time/space here - I read your thread on the reasons and I'm sorry to hear. One thing I'm curious about is your differences. What type of differences are you talking about here? Feel free to answer on PM if you prefer to not be so details here.
Star Gazer Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Daph, this entire thread just...really speaks to me. I can relate so much.
thatone Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) I know I've heard it and said it. I think now I get it. One of the difficulties I think I experienced with online dating, is that a lot of the guys didn't really seem to know what they want and weren't looking for a relationship. They were chasing a fantasy, made to order online(as if you can.) Dating someone where things are easy and almost effortless, I wonder why I doubted myself in the 2 occasions where things didn't work out and I wanted them to. I think I felt I was doing something wrong. The guy I'm seeing now, is very, very different from me. It would make sense if either of us had called it quits after a couple of dates. But he really wants a gf. And he sifted through hundreds of profiles and only wrote one person. He knew what he wanted. I almost gave up on him early on. I dont' know why I didn't. He didn't fit the image of what I thought I needed. But something told me I had to give him a chance. Now, I can't fully understand why I thought to discard him so quickly, cos he's a cutie and a great guy. I think in the past, I have been so quick to rule guys out, because I really didn't want a relationship. I was offline chasing the fantasy. I think that if you're having a tough time finding someone, and you're letting a lot of options pass you by, maybe ask yourself if you're giving them enough time to get to know them. And if you really do want a relationship at this time. Cos not everyone's ready for it, despite what they say. agree on all points. a) hence the ones who message a hundred with a copy/pasta and then sift through the 10 replies based on pics alone. just like the women who want "easy going, dominant, understanding, assertive, and stable, and oh by the way i love tattoos and motorcycles". every word is a contradiction of the last, and the people they're looking for don't exist. b) i do the same, and i just don't see the "10% reply rate" that other men complain about. mine is more like 30-35%, admittedly in a shorter sample time period and a lot fewer attempts at contact. if there's a religious, political, or activity incompatibility, i just pass em by. yeah, the girl who drives out to the country to go hiking every other day is gonna have an ass that won't quit from the workout, i'm sure. but as nice as said ass might be, i'm not driving my merc down any dirt roads with her, i'm a city person. here's a suggestion for you people who struggle so much, if there's no one when you look in a given week on your dating sites that seems to match up with you in what you're looking for, stay home and read a book. you'll get marginally smarter so when one comes along that you do want to contact, you won't come off looking like as much of an imbecile, which you assuredly do when messaging polar opposites by the hundreds just to see who replies. Edited June 13, 2011 by thatone
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Daphne, I've always enjoyed your level-headed commentary and hopefully this isn't 100% done. Take a little time/space here - I read your thread on the reasons and I'm sorry to hear. One thing I'm curious about is your differences. What type of differences are you talking about here? Feel free to answer on PM if you prefer to not be so details here. Thanks sweets. I thought I was a bit on the boring side because I don't frequently type IN ALL CAPS WITH LOTS OF !!! And I don't advocate harsh reactions, and do advocate trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. No one likes to read that boring crap. As for the differences - he's very liberal. I'm right of center. We live in the parts of town that reflect that as well. He is a late night person. I have to get up early for work. I am a go getter, he is quite a bit more laid back about things. He hangs out in clubs to listen to bands, I don't go out much at all. In some ways, I'm more of an adult than he is. Even though he's older. Daph, this entire thread just...really speaks to me. I can relate so much. Not surprising. I often relate to your threads as well.
Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 You can make the same argument about women. They are not looking for a relationship, just sex with hot guys. You can't honestly believe that. Women don't care about having random sex with hot guys. I mean come on, are you even serious? Sounds to me like you are a guy who WISHES women cared about sex that much. Women neither want or even try to have random sex even with "hot guys".
GivenUp0083 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I almost gave up on him early on. I dont' know why I didn't. He didn't fit the image of what I thought I needed. But something told me I had to give him a chance. Now, I can't fully understand why I thought to discard him so quickly, cos he's a cutie and a great guy. I think in the past, I have been so quick to rule guys out, because I really didn't want a relationship. I was offline chasing the fantasy. I think that if you're having a tough time finding someone, and you're letting a lot of options pass you by, maybe ask yourself if you're giving them enough time to get to know them. And if you really do want a relationship at this time. Cos not everyone's ready for it, despite what they say. These last couple paragraphs really hit home for me, not because I've been in your shoes, but I feel I've been in the other guy's shoes. I've dated my fair share of women in my adult life, I'm 28 years old. I've had flings, I've had relationships, I've had FWB's. I've been in love and I've had my heart broken. Unfortunately I've also broken a heart or two. Through all these experiences, I've learned that I know what I want and I can appreciate it to the fullest when I have it. Unfortunately, there really aren't as many people as you think who know. I also feel blessed with the luxury of recognizing something great when I have it and cherishing it. My gf whom I fell in love with almost from the first date dumped me about 6 weeks ago and despite it being hard for me to lose what I thought we had as something amazing, I've realized this: I feel bad for her. I feel bad because she told me with her exact words that she wanted to chase the fantasy, just like Daphne admitted that she had done. My gf loved me, but she wanted something better, she wanted story-book. She didn't know what that was or how to find it, but she found it worth it to give up something great, that many women will never find, for something she doesn't even know exists except in hollywood. I instantly felt 100 times better once I realized I am better off than her because I know what I want and I know how to appreciate it. I'd much rather have gold taken away from me than to be the fool who threw it away not knowing its value.
irc333 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 The best one online dating is, when you cotnact them, they reply "I'm seeing someone, so I'm seeing how that goes now" But they log into site on a daily basis, and you can see them do this.
thatone Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 My problem is I'm sarcastic, mean spirited and I like to criticize, so I naturally go for jerks. I love a sarcastic, bad boy. Unfortunately, those types REALLY aren't looking for relationships. I just want a hot bad boy who has an edge about him to be mature and want a relationship. 'Cause that's me in a nutshell. lol I know, I sound horrible, but I'm just being honest with myself. I know who I am. I love sarcasm...absolutely love love love it. Then I'm never getting married or losing my V card, because that's pretty much me in a nutshell. So if I can do it, I'm sure there are guys out there that could as well. no, there aren't. you can't have everything. you're not being any different than these sad college aged boys on here who can't get a date but only chase the unattainable. people typically get what they deserve. your lack of tact drives the relationship material off, you're left with the men who also have no tact. the hot one who wants a relationship will not tolerate attitude issues, he has plenty of options. so you're going to have to decide which person you're going to be.
Sanman Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 These last couple paragraphs really hit home for me, not because I've been in your shoes, but I feel I've been in the other guy's shoes. I've dated my fair share of women in my adult life, I'm 28 years old. I've had flings, I've had relationships, I've had FWB's. I've been in love and I've had my heart broken. Unfortunately I've also broken a heart or two. Through all these experiences, I've learned that I know what I want and I can appreciate it to the fullest when I have it. Unfortunately, there really aren't as many people as you think who know. I also feel blessed with the luxury of recognizing something great when I have it and cherishing it. My gf whom I fell in love with almost from the first date dumped me about 6 weeks ago and despite it being hard for me to lose what I thought we had as something amazing, I've realized this: I feel bad for her. I feel bad because she told me with her exact words that she wanted to chase the fantasy, just like Daphne admitted that she had done. My gf loved me, but she wanted something better, she wanted story-book. She didn't know what that was or how to find it, but she found it worth it to give up something great, that many women will never find, for something she doesn't even know exists except in hollywood. I instantly felt 100 times better once I realized I am better off than her because I know what I want and I know how to appreciate it. I'd much rather have gold taken away from me than to be the fool who threw it away not knowing its value. It is really sad for both of you. You know, it is funny because I often feel very different from what many people believe nowadays. I has a convo with my now ex-gf when we were together. She was annoyed that I did not 'woo' her enough when we met. I let her know that I don't believe in trying to impress women I barely know. Rather, I prefer to cherish those who have shown commitment and love over the duration. She could never understand why I brought her flowers/ gifts months into a relationship rather than when we initially met. A key reason we broke up.
Author daphne Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 She didn't know what that was or how to find it, but she found it worth it to give up something great, that many women will never find, for something she doesn't even know exists except in hollywood. I instantly felt 100 times better once I realized I am better off than her because I know what I want and I know how to appreciate it. I'd much rather have gold taken away from me than to be the fool who threw it away not knowing its value. Oy vay! This is what I refer to as HollywoodLand. I have a friend who thinks that magically, he's going to get a svelte and beautiful woman to love him although he is morbidly obese, because he's a good person and performs good deeds. He watches a lot of Hollywood films and thinks that that magic is real. I'm not saying this to make you feel better about your situation. It's simply true. I fully agree with your last paragraph. While she goes through the ups and downs and inevitable disappointment of finding Prince Charming with a, b, c list, you will find a real person with all of the good, bad and ugly. And it'll be even better, in the long run, than the silly Hollywood fantasy. I wish I hadn't wasted time not realizing that I, too, was guilty of it.
Author daphne Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 She was annoyed that I did not 'woo' her enough when we met. She sounds young. Girls have that fairy tale notion of flowers and perfection. Then we get bored when it happens too soon.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 The best one online dating is, when you cotnact them, they reply "I'm seeing someone, so I'm seeing how that goes now" But they log into site on a daily basis, and you can see them do this. Sometimes women don't want to say "sorry, I don't find your pictures attractive" so they make something up like I'm seeing someone. Most people don't continue to track the online status of people who have rejected them so that's why she gets away with it. The point is, don't worry about it, she's not interested, that's all you need to know. She doesn't owe you a real reason. It is really sad for both of you. You know, it is funny because I often feel very different from what many people believe nowadays. I has a convo with my now ex-gf when we were together. She was annoyed that I did not 'woo' her enough when we met. I let her know that I don't believe in trying to impress women I barely know. Rather, I prefer to cherish those who have shown commitment and love over the duration. She could never understand why I brought her flowers/ gifts months into a relationship rather than when we initially met. A key reason we broke up. Why is it really sad for both of us? How is the fact you feel differently than many people funny? This post makes no sense.
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