4 months no contact, X emails me then we bump into each other...

[Illiandra]

I havent spoken or seen my ex since Feb. I have attempted to move on with my life and out of the blue BAM I get an email. The email said this

 

I shouldn't be emailing you but I could not resist after seeing your pictures on facebook. I wonder what I could have done differently, probably a few things. I want you to know that I really did care about you and loved you. You seem happier now then back when you were with me. I wish I could have made you happy perhaps things may have been different between us?

 

I didnt respond to the email, then I bumped into him 5 days later!! We talked and now we are texting.

 

We both agreed that we are very confused at this point.

 

I guess my question is this, has anyone been through this, where your getting over the person and BAM they come back or is it that they are trying to get closure?? My heart is torn into pieces because I still truly love my ex, but I am scared!! This email made my heart and brain question the break up and our relationship.

 

advice? comments? suggestions on how to proceed with caution?

[EgoJoe]

Establish boundaries and guard your heart. NOBODY makes you feel. Feelings are but reactions; sometimes reactions to attachment. Realize this and be honest with yourself.

[stray]

Yes, I have absolutely been here before. I would say 75% of my exs have "come back" at some point - usually several months after the break up. In ALL of these cases, I was the dumpee, and they were complete as*holes to me during the relationship and the break-up. I fell for the "second chance" thing a couple times, but in almost every instance, they really just wanted me back for an ego stroke. They couldn't stand the thought that I might be "over them" - it all boils down to ego.

 

Here's what has happened. Your ex likely treated you marginally well, enough for you to "wonder" if he was a good boyfriend, then he probably dumped you, leaving you feeling insecure and rejected. He then probably rather quickly moved on with a new "plan A" (fill in the blank imaginary female), which didn't work out. He may have even had a "plan B" (fill the the blank imaginary female) who also didn't come to fruition, so here's what he did: he thought of all the girls he mentally has on the back burner, you being one of them, and he did a little mini e-stalk on all of you and decided you were the best "plan C".

 

Do you want to be plan C?

 

If he really wants you "back" - he'll tell you he "wants you back". And if it's worth the risk, he'll tell you he's willing to commit. If he doesn't tell you BOTH of those things, don't waste your time. Otherwise, you are just giving him a little ego push, as plan C.