sam1983 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 My finance and I have been together for a total of four years, for the last two we have been in a LDR. Due to the nature of his job we see each other for two weeks every 6 months, it has been really hard but its only in the last couple of months it seems to be impossible. I am feeling resentful as I feel it is me that makes all the effort, always me that phones, emails etc. He suggested about a month ago we only speak every couple of days so we have more to say, but again it is me doing all the phoning. He recently went to visit family as one of them is really sick, and was in a country for a week where he could text me ( cant usually do this where he is based) he had his phone switched off for three days before I could get hold of him. I was really hurt that he had his phone switched off! I texted him once a day, just cute I miss you kind of messages and he replied once. I am just worried I am putting all this effort in when he doesnt appear interested anymore, or willing to put in any effort. I have tried so many times to explain that I feel neglected and would love the occasional email or just something to show he was thinking about me, but he just seems to never act on it. I thought we had a life together, but to be honest I am not so sure. I have put so much energy into keeping our LDR going, but there is still no end in sight. He was meant to finish this job in August, now its February. I guess I am just emotionally exhausted from two years of LDR and with no end in sight. Now I keep having thoughts where I think I should end it in order to get on with my life, I am on anti-depressents and not feeling very positive about life in general. Any advice or opinions out there?!
madjac74 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 A relationship shouldnt be this stressful for you, i dont care how far apart you are. And for him to suggest not talking for a few days to build up things to say is ridiculous and shows he has a lack of passion for the relationship. I could talk to my girlfriend everyday for 2 hours and not run out of things to say. That is just a standard relationship thing and not based on LDR or a local relationship. I was married and living under the same roof with someone I could barely communicate with but I dragged it out for the kids sake. I think you should move on. You will find something better and more healthy for yourself.
Author sam1983 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I think I know that deep down as well, I just a little like a failure that I cant make it work. When the LDR first started it was romantic in a way when we did see each other and we both constantly contacted each other. Thank you for your reply madjac74, you helped confirm what I knew deep down.
crazylove Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Really sorry to hear you feel so down about it. It's really hard. I agree with Madjac's comments. It's been a long term ldr, and must be so hard to keep things going. Don't think of yourself as a failure, people change over time and just grow apart sometimes, and maybe that's what's happened. You could either try cutting the contact down I guess, to see if that makes him realise he does want more with you, or cut the contact completely and try to move on. Either way, it's going to be tough, but at least you won't be in limbo. Good luck, and ((hugs))
HeavenOrHell Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I'm sorry to hear this, it really needs both people in a r/ship to put in the effort, with LDR's communication is all you have most of the time, so it's vital that you both have as much contact as you need to keep your bond strong. It's pretty lame to say talk every couple of days so you don't run out of things to say, my partner isn't the greatest chatterbox but I want us to talk every day if possible, so does he. I love him so much I don't mind if we have silences on the phone, it doesn't feel awkward, when we're silent we're usually just thinking about each other and wishing we were together. No couple talks endlessly even when they're in the same room. I would really lay my cards on the table again and say you're not happy, and tell him exactly what you need and that things can't go on the way they are. If he can't give it then you know he's not the right person for you
pincher76 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 If I were you, I would stop being the agressive one when it comes to communication. Let HIM call YOU. Let him email you, let him be the first to text you. That way you're putting the ball in his court. It's hard to let go like that, but honestly... if he's not going to put forth the effort, than it's not something you want anyway, right? Maybe his feelings have changed and he just doesn't know how to tell you. Or maybe, because you're always writing/calling him - he doesn't feel like he has to. I would distance yourself, and give it some time. And he if does call/write and ask what's up, just tell him that you've been busy. I wouldn't tell him that you're putting the ball in his court. Maybe if he feels like he has something worth loosing he'll wake up and realize it. If not.. than you have your answer. :/
Author sam1983 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 thank you for all kind words and advice. Having read through some of the other posts I realize that there are some factors that are making this harder. There is no end in sight, well he may be able to finish with the company in February next year but that isnt definite. He also wants to carry on working with them on a consultant basis, 6 months on 6 months off, so it looks like LDR is inevitable for our future. I am not sure we want the same things anymore, when we are together we talk about getting wed and starting a family but when we are apart he will not really talk about our dreams for the future. I think we have grown apart, and I truly do not know if I have the emotional strength to keep on working at it. I am going to try and talk to him about how I feel once more and see if we can get some equal communication going. Thanks again, it is nice to know there are other people out there who can sympathize.
Recommended Posts