slt2653 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Some outside advice would be appreciated on this situation please. I was with my ex for around 3 years, 18 months ago she broke up with me. Usual story, what we had had gone, it didn't feel the same anymore for her and she didn't want to live a lie. I was heartbroken but understandable, think it was grass is greener syndrome but I'll never really know, was in NC for awhile, got over it all and we are now friends. However, I am finding it increasingly difficult to be friends with her because she keeps twisting my words so much. It's almost a weekly occurence now where an innocent text or something I say will be turned into me accusing/blaming her for something when i'm simply not. An Example: It was my birthday not long ago, she sent my a text wishing me happy birthday, I replied with a 'Thank you', she then sends one asking if I'm alright as my two word text made me sound a bit down, I reply I'm fine just busy celebrating, are you sure? she says...it goes on to the point where she covinces herself I don't want to talk to her, don't like her, I should tell her if I don't want to be friends, and she wont bother in future??? I had no idea where all that came from. There are many more like that. She has mentioned in the past that she is over me, doesn't have feelings anymore so it can't be that she isn't over me? Is it possible for someone to really be that selfish? I get blamed if I don't reply to a text, but its ok for her to not reply to mine, if I politley enquire if she got my text, like she does with me, I get blamed again!! Do as I say not as I do! Is it becasue she doesn't like herself for breaking up with me, so assumes I don't like her for it either so takes a lot of what I say as accusations? I'm getting tired of having to explain the meaning of every single word that I say, which she won't believe anyway. It just goes round in circles. She wanted to break up, I didn't, but had to accept it. She wanted to stay friends, I didn't think it was a good idea to start with, but once I was over it all I just thought why not! She's got everything she wanted. Why do I feel like I'm doing everything wrong?!
usabup Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Some outside advice would be appreciated on this situation please. I was with my ex for around 3 years, 18 months ago she broke up with me. Usual story, what we had had gone, it didn't feel the same anymore for her and she didn't want to live a lie. I was heartbroken but understandable, think it was grass is greener syndrome but I'll never really know, was in NC for awhile, got over it all and we are now friends. However, I am finding it increasingly difficult to be friends with her because she keeps twisting my words so much. It's almost a weekly occurence now where an innocent text or something I say will be turned into me accusing/blaming her for something when i'm simply not. An Example: It was my birthday not long ago, she sent my a text wishing me happy birthday, I replied with a 'Thank you', she then sends one asking if I'm alright as my two word text made me sound a bit down, I reply I'm fine just busy celebrating, are you sure? she says...it goes on to the point where she covinces herself I don't want to talk to her, don't like her, I should tell her if I don't want to be friends, and she wont bother in future??? I had no idea where all that came from. There are many more like that. She has mentioned in the past that she is over me, doesn't have feelings anymore so it can't be that she isn't over me? Is it possible for someone to really be that selfish? I get blamed if I don't reply to a text, but its ok for her to not reply to mine, if I politley enquire if she got my text, like she does with me, I get blamed again!! Do as I say not as I do! Is it becasue she doesn't like herself for breaking up with me, so assumes I don't like her for it either so takes a lot of what I say as accusations? I'm getting tired of having to explain the meaning of every single word that I say, which she won't believe anyway. It just goes round in circles. She wanted to break up, I didn't, but had to accept it. She wanted to stay friends, I didn't think it was a good idea to start with, but once I was over it all I just thought why not! She's got everything she wanted. Why do I feel like I'm doing everything wrong?! To be honest mate, it dosnt seem like she is completely over you. Maybe she is a little insecure? If you value her as a friend, maybe have a little chat with her and see if she is ok with the whole friendship thing. If your not really that bothered about her and she is annoying you with it all, then maybe cut off from her and get on with your life without her.
carhill Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Time honored female technique of riling you up to see if *you* care about her. Some women equate irritation with care. For most, the riling up part is just sport. They do it in their sleep. Men are easy. Think how easy it would be to hurt her with your fist, being that you are much stronger. Her words are her tools, her fist. If you enjoy being beat on, continue. She's not a friend. Look around at people who genuinely show you care. Those are your friends.
Author slt2653 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 If you value her as a friend, maybe have a little chat with her and see if she is ok with the whole friendship thing. I've already tried this, and somehow this got turned around into me blowing things out of proportion and I had to stop being paranoid! I wasn't nasty or accusational in my words at all, just tried to explain things, it got me nowhere.
stopthemadness Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 The whole trying to stay friends is pure Bu--Sh-t!! You just cant be friends with smone you were in love with , and lovers with. It will any cause YOU pain and heart ache. Run dont walk to the nearest exit. I learned this the hard way too. I tryed to stay friends with my ex and the only person it was hurting was ME!! So now we are No Contact because I say so...its Soo much better this way. Try it, theres a kinda of peace of mind that comes with it, you'll see.....
Author slt2653 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Time honored female technique of riling you up to see if *you* care about her. Some women equate irritation with care. For most, the riling up part is just sport. They do it in their sleep. Men are easy. Think how easy it would be to hurt her with your fist, being that you are much stronger. Her words are her tools, her fist. If you enjoy being beat on, continue. I do still care though, but just as a friend. There are no romantic feelings left in me at all. Are you saying she is testing me to see if she could still 'have' me? I'm a backup plan for her and her wanting to be friends isn't genuine? It's just a cover up?
carhill Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 The opposite of love is indifference. It can be 'polite' indifference, but there is no care whatsoever. Would a valued friend have called you on your birthday and had a discourse with you as she did? I would hope not. You accept that you still 'care'. How has she demonstrated in any healthy way that she cares, at all? Put a penis on her and ask yourself ' is this person a friend of mine?'. It's interesting to reflect upon once you take the vagina away.
giuliano-3 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Fascinating. Have you had several periods in that span of time where there is contact/NC? Or was it just the one time only you had NC? So, the friends thing...Is it all a test? To see if they can still have us? To make them feel better about their sexuality? I'm really starting to wonder. Starting to lean towards "yes." Thats a bummer, man
Author slt2653 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I see your point perfectly! Should've listened to my head in the first place. Oh well, bye bye 'friend'
Author slt2653 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Fascinating. Have you had several periods in that span of time where there is contact/NC? Or was it just the one time only you had NC? So, the friends thing...Is it all a test? To see if they can still have us? To make them feel better about their sexuality? I'm really starting to wonder. Starting to lean towards "yes." Thats a bummer, man Timewise it was something like break up-->2 weeks contact-->me NC for around 14-15 months (she periodically contacted me the first few months of this-->3 months ago she contacted me again asking if I was going to a festival that we always went to in the summer, I replied which lead to..erm...'friendship' It is all a test man, just needed an outside perspective to see it, she's certainly not treating me like a friend anyway (Thanks carhill!)
smudge21 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 If you're going to say goodbye anyway, then why not clear the air first. Tell her how you feel about all this and see if she opens up and explains her actions. I just feel that if you simply walk away then sometime down the line you'll still be thinking about this and that may lead to you making contact again, or at least allowing it to eat away at you.
Badenov Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 it possible for someone to really be that selfish? I get blamed if I don't reply to a text, but its ok for her to not reply to mine, if I politley enquire if she got my text, like she does with me, I get blamed again!! Do as I say not as I do! Is it becasue she doesn't like herself for breaking up with me, so assumes I don't like her for it either so takes a lot of what I say as accusations? I'm getting tired of having to explain the meaning of every single word that I say, which she won't believe anyway. It just goes round in circles. She wanted to break up, I didn't, but had to accept it. She wanted to stay friends, I didn't think it was a good idea to start with, but once I was over it all I just thought why not! She's got everything she wanted. Why do I feel like I'm doing everything wrong?! My ex did this to me too. It's her way of allieviating the guilt. Women always want to be portrayed as the victims, even when they're the ones who are guilty. She's just trying to convince herself what a jerk you are.
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