hamztruly Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Hi there I'm going to have to apologise in advance for the long message... so here goes. Right so my ex and I were in a long distance relationship for just over a year on and off. I'm 21 and he's 24. At some point during our relationship, I had a think about everything and came up with this list. PRO He's loving, sweet, not controlling, good looking, his family likes me and vice versa, he doesn't drink, smoke nor go out clubbing or partying loads, he takes care of me i.e buy me things. BUT CONS He doesn't know what he want in life/want to do with his life, i barely see him (sometimes once in 3 weeks & we both drive and only live 45 mins away), He's so quiet and secretive that i know literally nothing about him. If you asked me what his ex was called, i wouldn't know. I asked but he said he doesn't like talking about his past because it's all in the past. we've spoken on the phone twice since we got together because he doesn't like it, we never use msn chat or email or anything, we spoke on skype once before but apart from that, he only texts. He wouldnt mention me to any of his workmates or anything. I asked if he would change his relationship status on fb to 'in a relationship' he said no. He has no friends. zero, zilch, none! he would act with me like strangers when am at his place to the extent his sister had to ask him if we are serious about each other. I thought at some point maybe he was ashamed of being with a black girl but when we're alone he can't get enough of me?, also i found a place near him and wanted to move and he told me not to because it was going to take him loads of time to get to the place(where i found) after work etc.. I later found out he works 15 mins away from where i was going to move to. which brings me back to, i know nothing about him! i didnt even know where he worked!. Despite all of this, I still put up with him, and stayed with him. I spoke to him about everything and said I wanted things to change but he just ignored everything and was still being his old self. His sister told me one day jokingly that 'you have to sit him down and shake him up and tell him to tell you things'. I hated the fact that I tell him every single thing about me but he tells me nothing about him. So I started having doubts and told him I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him (at this point we had an holiday planned although not already booked). I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to go on the holiday because I was having doubts about us. I think that scared him and he said he wanted to come over and talk to me about things. When he came over we talked, and with his response to my questions, all i wanted to do was tell him we needed to go on a break but then he said 'I need to know if you want to be with me now. I want a decision before i go home' So i was forced to say I wanted to be with him although I was confused and didn't know at the time if I wanted to be with him or not. This meant the holiday was back on.... We then booked the holiday which by the way i organised. I did the searching, the booking, even paid for the deposit out of my own pocket!. I looked at the trains etc. Might I add he's a huge procrastinator. I asked him to let us book the train tickets when it was really cheap but he kept saying 'we'll do it soon' until the price of the train ticket doubled. He didn't like this and got in a mood with me. So i asked him to search for tickets online. After doing it for an hour, he text me and said 'I've had enough of looking now'.. I said to him ' you've had enough of looking, i'm the one who's done literally everything and you only spent an hour looking through train tickets' to which he replied 'well it'll probably be cheaper going to the moon'. So i ignored that text and let him be because I know he doesn't back down during an argument. I didn't contact him for 3 days and he didn't either. At this point I was so sure we needed a break from each other. so on the 4th day when he contacted me, we argued again and the following day, i text him to apologise. He didn't reply and didn't text me back that day. So i text him the day after that i wanted to go on a break. He then replied and tried to talk me out of it and said that we should meet up again and talk things through but this time I stood my ground and told him that I didn't want to see him and I wanted to go on a break. About 6 or so hours later, I received a text from him saying ' I need my money back for the holiday'. I text him back saying 'what money I already booked the holiday''. He then said, 'why did you book it', I said 'because we were planning on going and I text you as soon as i sent the payment as well' to which he replied 'you best cancel it and go get my money back, i couldnt care less if you threw it in the bin i just want my money back'. At that point I was angry and said ' I didnt force you to bring your share of the money to my house, you agreed to the holiday as much as i did and the holiday can't be cancelled'. So he said to me ' I want details because I want to ring up and make sure you have booked it and paid for it so just making sure you're not trying to rob me'. I was shocked! so i gave him all the details, how much i paid etc and asked him never to contact me ever again and i dumped him right there right then. I'm not sure if he rang up or not but he's been begging me since then. I also sent him every proof I've got by post and also gave him back his money although i'm never going to get my share of the money back. He's said stuff to me about black people in the past as well which made me think he has a bad opinion of us so I'm thinking that's probably why he think I could steal from him. He's actually said to me before 'I've got some bad opinion of some black people but not all'. I just want him to leave me alone and stop begging me to get back with him because i think he's immature and has a lot of growing up to do. And I have no intention of getting back with him even though me and him are on speaking terms now. I don't know how else to tell him to back off! I know this is long... sorryyyyyyyyy .. also he's very deluded and thinks i still have some sort of feelings for him and he's said he's going to keep trying until he feels he's tried enough???? HELP!!
alethean Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 He sounds like a mess. Who would accuse their gf of robbing without a reason? And why the heck wouldn't he tell you anything about him? I don't know if he's racist or not...he said he had a low opinion of some black people; on the other hand, why would he even tell you his opinion on black people? Did you ask him? Hmm... At any rate, he doesn't seem to respect you. I don't think you should talk to him at all anymore since he clearly can't accept your boundaries. If I were you, I would tell him that I wasn't speaking to him anymore.
Author hamztruly Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Hi can i just say a quick thank you for reading my very long essay lol. Yes I did ask him what he thought about black people but no I didn't just come out with it like that. I asked him because he was always saying bad things about black people. For example things like 'oh us white people don't come from the ghetto' or whenever i talked about my black mates he goes 'oh i know what thats gonna be like'.. there was a time when there were these two guys who were really interested in me..one was white and one was black and they were both hassling me a lot, well bcos i tell my ex everything, i told him about both me and all he had to say was 'oh he seem arrogant' and all sorts only commenting about the black guy. also other stuff include 'oh i know what you black people are like, you probs have a gun hidden in your wardrobe' things like that!! that was when i asked him what he thought about black people and he said he has bad opinion of some but not all
Author hamztruly Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 45 minute drive is not a long distance relationship. I know!!! and we both drive and he's forever moaning about how he doesn't like driving down to see me. I've even asked him t get the train which is less than half an hour but he doesn't want to do that either. I had to force him to meet his family!! just things like that and then I'm thinking if he's done all this to me, why is he begging to be with me now. I don't even wanna be with no more is the point but he doesn't get it. I know I'm a good catch without sounding big headed and I'm nice and deserve better. Even his own sister has said she can't believe am going out with him
Mimolicious Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Restraining orders always work. Just saying, throw the hint out.
Author hamztruly Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Restraining orders always work. Just saying, throw the hint out. LOL i don't want it to come to that. I just want him to leave me alone. He also said he wanted to meet with me but I've said no and when he kept pestering me I said fine i'll meet with him but i have zero intention of meeting up with him! I just don't know how to make him back off
alethean Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 LOL i don't want it to come to that. I just want him to leave me alone. He also said he wanted to meet with me but I've said no and when he kept pestering me I said fine i'll meet with him but i have zero intention of meeting up with him! I just don't know how to make him back off Don't answer his texts or calls, and make yourself unavailable for any media of communication like facebook, skype, email, IM, etc. If you are nice enough, give him warning that you won't speak to him anymore. If not, then just don't speak to him anymore.
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