OhioLaw1987 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 So last night I broke NC with a series of drunk texts that were very scattered, emotional, angry, and depressed. Really feeling down about having done that. Now my ex is telling her friends that I am this awful guy, she is happy she has moved on (in a matter of 2 weeks...see other posts), and all her friends agree that I am a really bad guy for being so "emotionally unstable." On the one hand, I understand that she is not being entirely truthful with her friends about what has happened here as to her behavior, so I shouldn't care. But on the other hand, I dont want to be seen as the bad guy. I made a mistake, no doubt about it. I just am really down. I am hurting. She keeps saying that she was up front with me about everything, which is just a lie because saying you want to get married and then leaving me and starting a new, super intense relationship 3 weeks after begging me to marry you within the next year is not being straight up with someone, haha. Just thoughts or insights would be really helpful right now. This is the hardest day ive had in a while. Should I send an apology text to her today, or just leave her alone?
Nohbody Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Feel for you. The damage has been done, and I don't think you should apologize... not right now anyway. If you still feel remorseful for having sent those texts in a few months, then maybe you might begin to think about apologizing for them. It won't make you feel any better right now. Watch the booze, and try to maintain NC from here on out. good luck on your healing.
geegirl Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Can't do anything about it now. I don't you should apologize only because she's not going to take to it with a positive outlook. Maybe wait until some time has passed as it is all too fresh now. When you're emotionally unstable, the last thing you want to do is get drunk. It's a depressant and will make things worse for you. Try to stay off alcohol until you know you can drink and control your emotions.
Author OhioLaw1987 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I wasnt even that intoxicated, because it was a work event and I watch myself in professional settings. What happened, I think, is that the alcohol made me feel a bit more emotional, and so i reacted as I did. It doesnt matter anymore, because she is happier without me right now, and I am crushed but disgusted at her behavior too.
geegirl Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I wasnt even that intoxicated, because it was a work event and I watch myself in professional settings. What happened, I think, is that the alcohol made me feel a bit more emotional, and so i reacted as I did. It doesnt matter anymore, because she is happier without me right now, and I am crushed but disgusted at her behavior too. Yes, alcohol will do that to you. Nice high and then you get sad, especially when you're already feeling emotional. It's a depressant. We all react. I've done things that I can't take back out of anger and hurt. Try to let this go. It happened. In time it won't matter or affect you that much. Cliche but...
Mack05 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) So last night I broke NC with a series of drunk texts that were very scattered, emotional, angry, and depressed. Really feeling down about having done that. Now my ex is telling her friends that I am this awful guy, she is happy she has moved on (in a matter of 2 weeks...see other posts), and all her friends agree that I am a really bad guy for being so "emotionally unstable." On the one hand, I understand that she is not being entirely truthful with her friends about what has happened here as to her behavior, so I shouldn't care. But on the other hand, I dont want to be seen as the bad guy. I made a mistake, no doubt about it. I just am really down. I am hurting. She keeps saying that she was up front with me about everything, which is just a lie because saying you want to get married and then leaving me and starting a new, super intense relationship 3 weeks after begging me to marry you within the next year is not being straight up with someone, haha. Just thoughts or insights would be really helpful right now. This is the hardest day ive had in a while. Should I send an apology text to her today, or just leave her alone? Yeah I would apologise here (so that I can fully let her go and not wait a few months to apologise and have that on the back of my mind), but keep it VERY short and sweet. Her opinion of you is unlikely to change no matter how long you wait. I know how you feel buddy. I was in a horrible place when my ex left me and I made theee biggest moron of myself. I have no doubt that both my ex and and her friends think I am a total nutjob. It bothered me for such a long time, her friends and most important her having that opinion of me..Eventually I let it go. You just have accept there are things in life you can't change no matter how much we want to. In this case, there is nothing you can do to change her (or her friends) opinion of you. When I nearly broke contact hoping to change my ex's opinion of me, I kept saying this to myself (the serenity prayer). God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.. Basically, it says there are some things we can't change but far more importantly there are some things we can change. You can choose to learn from your mistakes and be genuinely determined to be a better man in the future. I promise once you are making progress you won't care what their opinion of you is. Look forward now my friend, not backwards... Edited June 10, 2011 by Mack05
Author OhioLaw1987 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I suppose I am just pretty hurt that she left me in the dirt, again, and then moved on so quickly. But I need to be stronger. She is running from her issues by going from relationship to relationship. I am not going to do that; I am going to be an adult and grow from this experience, not just erase it from my mind by filling a void with another person.
Mack05 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I suppose I am just pretty hurt that she left me in the dirt, again, and then moved on so quickly. But I need to be stronger. She is running from her issues by going from relationship to relationship. I am not going to do that; I am going to be an adult and grow from this experience, not just erase it from my mind by filling a void with another person. Ohio my ex is the same. Previously she has jumped from guy to guy (the last 2 there has been only a month each time being single), without ever facing her emotions or demons. Basically kidding herself. "Fooling people is a serious business, but when you fool yourself it becomes fatal".... I wrote this thread about it -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281186/ These people are fooling themselves, but are no longer our problem. Just focus on yourself now buddy..
Author OhioLaw1987 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Mack....Thanks man. That really helped me out a lot. I appreciate it.
0hpenelope Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 So last night I broke NC with a series of drunk texts that were very scattered, emotional, angry, and depressed. Really feeling down about having done that. Now my ex is telling her friends that I am this awful guy, she is happy she has moved on (in a matter of 2 weeks...see other posts), and all her friends agree that I am a really bad guy for being so "emotionally unstable." On the one hand, I understand that she is not being entirely truthful with her friends about what has happened here as to her behavior, so I shouldn't care. But on the other hand, I dont want to be seen as the bad guy. I made a mistake, no doubt about it. I just am really down. I am hurting. She keeps saying that she was up front with me about everything, which is just a lie because saying you want to get married and then leaving me and starting a new, super intense relationship 3 weeks after begging me to marry you within the next year is not being straight up with someone, haha. Just thoughts or insights would be really helpful right now. This is the hardest day ive had in a while. Should I send an apology text to her today, or just leave her alone? I hope you're being nice to yourself, I know how tough this feels. Some things you have to learn for yourself, I suppose. You'd think we learned from playground bullies or other situations in our youth just how hurtful being the butt of the jokes feels, but something about romantic relationships brings out the bad in all of us. The next time you feel the urge to break NC, remember this moment. Her friends laughing at you, your ex laughing at you, thinking that you're one of the most pitiful people right now. If you send an apology, that's you staying true to your feelings and that's healthy. It's likely that the text is just going to be fodder for her and her friends' amusement. People won't change their minds about you in a day, no matter how sincere you are in that apology. This amusing incident for them is very recent and it's in your best interest to just move on from it faster. Personally, I wouldn't send an apology but if I did, I wouldn't respond anymore afterwards and I'd just focus on my healing.
Karala Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I'd say delete her from your contacts already!! Or change her name to "Do you really want to write that text?" or something to that effect. lol, for once I'm being practical instead of touchy-feely.
Recommended Posts