Movingthrough Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Hey everyone, Lately at work, me and a couple people ended up getting into a discussion about dumpers that go from person to person either from cheating or just loosing the "spark" and basically doing everything "wrong" as far as breaking it off. No talk, no face to face, just im done, i cheated and im gone (or im done im gone, doesnt always have to be cheating). At work we dont talk a lot about our personal lives, but a couple days in a row we had some some chuncks of time off. One of the workers brought up how when they were married their partner started to loose interest, time went on and they eventually said they couldnt do it anymore, which to my co-worker was kind of a shock. They go on to say that they are about to have a kid with another person, which meant that person was fooling around (cheating) while they were married. Obviously not good and he was devastated, the soon to be ex who cheated was "ok" with it all because they had someone else to jump too, and obviously had a kid on the way. So basically, one person is more openly "hurt", while the other has something to fall on and doesnt feel the pain that the person who was dumped and cheated on will feel. Another co-worker basically had the same story about their past, and the person (the were also married) who left, was more or less ok because they had something else to go too, another "band aid" to cover up obviously a deep issue if cheating is so easily during a commited marriage. As i was listening to these stories, which ended up coming from both sides by the end of the day (girls and guys), i blurtted out something that hit me...Do these people that do these things - cheat, leave quickly after being in "love", push a relationship to something serious then get sick of it, etc - ever get it back? In other words, do their actions ever come back to haunt them, almost like karma? I ask this because think about it, every time they see a problem, they cheat or leave, and go to something they have on the side, so in turn they are avoiding what pain they know is coming. Two thoughts came from us talking: ---- One is they are already being "haunted" because they bounce from one thing to another, and anyone who is a POS wakes up in the morning and knows they are a POS deep down. ---- The other was you cant fake it forever and a "mental breakdown" or something along those lines is coming. Personally im torn. I feel like if these people can avoid the pain through a marriage, have no problem walking out or cheating, then they are good at running from the problem, so who says they cant keep doing that? I hate to say it but nowadays these stories seem to be very common, and coming from someone under 30, this is a very popular thing now, to rush the marriage, kids etc, only to find out you are now bored.
Livelovelearn Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 im not sure if people get it back..but i do believe in karma..i was madly in love with my first love whom i dated for 3 years ive done so much for him and appreciated him the way i could..fast forward to the end of our relationship he said he that he didnt feel the same anymore since we were arguing alot lately and i tried so hard to keep it working but he wanted out...then i found out that while he was asking for space and still contacting me months before he was in a relationship with another then he finally broke it with me..i found out the other woman found out and left him alone... that was a year ago ...i have not kept contact with him for 3 months and weeks ago he sent me a msg saying he wanted to say hi and see how i was doing..he has a new gf now and he still messages me to say hi and all that ..i just dont want to be reminded of him so i dont rlly say much....i scoped out his fb page and everything in his life seems fine..i dont know if it comes back to everyone...but i guess if you move on and live your life...you wouldnt worry about that.....whatever happens to them is up to god
rafallus Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 If both had someone else to move on, it's good they broke up, the relationship was a mistake (bad thing is it took that long). Karma? It's biting them in the ass right now - it's an eternal pursuit of happiness with no end. If anything, you should feel sorry for them.
Author Movingthrough Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 it's an eternal pursuit of happiness with no end. I think this is more of what i was trying to hit on. I dont mean this thread in some "are they every going to pay because they are so mean and im so mad" type of thing. But some people actually have real issues, and they use other people to try and get over it, problem is those other people get screwed in the process. So sometimes i wonder that if you jump from person to person (because you are avoidoing that pain that dumpess have to feel) when will you ever feel it? Can people really be used as band-aids forever?
Author Movingthrough Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 "Ignorance is bliss" is the best way I can describe it. These people know what they are doing is wrong but they choose not to care. They only care when they have nothing left. I know so many cheaters and relationship hoppers I coudn't even count them. They are my friends, best friends, cousins, acqaintances... they are everyone, everywhere. I do take it into consideration when it comes to how much information I share with people of this nature because I have learned that about 90% of these types of people cannot be trusted in any way what-so-ever, with anything. If their partner can't trust them, do you really think that you can? In case you have to think about that, the answer is an absolute 'no'. My brother is with a woman who hopped from his best friend to him, so obviously he had to have a clue when it came to determining if he could trust her... and she has cheated on him since the day they have been together and he refuses to believe me so I have written him off. She has screwed our family up, even physically abusing my nephew when he was just a small child. My brother would rather believe a cheater than his own blood. That's fine with me, but I won't be here for him when he really needs me one day. So, I agree with the old saying that "Ignorance is extremely blissful" ...it's the closest to heaven these kinds of people will ever get. Personally I'd rather endure hell and highwater for the 'heaven' that awaits me for doing the right thing at this moment in time. The people who screw people are just afraid of being alone (ie: cowards)... because when they are alone they have to face themselves and it's just too much of a cross to bare... it all comes rushing back and the feeling is just too overwhelming... not alone = don't have to think. Very good post. One of the people i was talking too brought that up, how ignorance is bliss. Funny thing is, they all seem to think that it will 100% come back to people that just bounce around. In other words, if you dont deal with your issues, you can only fake it for so long. Im still on the fence, i feel like if people are able to fake it then what is going to stop them from continuing to do it...but i also agree that the number one reason they do is because if you spend one second alone with yourself, and you arent happy with yourself, its easier to run. I for one since my breakup have dealt with all my issues, and it hurt. I know why people would want to run, but if you dont do it at some point, then when will you? I hate to say it, but nowadays with it being so acceptable to go from person to person, i think its becoming and epidemic. Its easier to bounce then to deal, and most of us take the path of least resistance..
Graceful Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 but i also agree that the number one reason they do is because if you spend one second alone with yourself, and you arent happy with yourself, its easier to run. I for one since my breakup have dealt with all my issues, and it hurt. I know why people would want to run, but if you dont do it at some point, then when will you? I hate to say it, but nowadays with it being so acceptable to go from person to person, i think its becoming and epidemic. Its easier to bounce then to deal, and most of us take the path of least resistance.. Hi MT, How are you? Nice to see you, especially since you seem to have put a lot of effort into healing from your breakup. My take on this is that people who run from one relationship to another, whether they have cheated or not, cannot be alone. Cannot be alone, and that means, in the case of my ex for example, for even one day. He went directly into a relationship with the first person who wanted him, and as my Mum said at the time, she could have been anyone, she was a warm body who showed interest in him. What is an epidemic isn't so much the relationship hopping itself, it's the ROOT CAUSE of the relationship hopping, which is the inability of so many people to be alone. It has become the worst societal taboo to be alone, and yes, it seems worse than ever, even for people in their twenties. I have also discussed this with a friend and we were in agreement that the stress put on being part of a "couple" has gone into overdrive. It's crazy shizz, you know? It really is as though we are DEvolving. It's as though any warm body is better than nobody, which is another way of saying that many people "settle" so after all the new shiny fun ends, and things go blah and the butterflies go away, it's time to leave for a new shiny penny. I do think this may ultimately end at some point in life when the person is scared to leave because they are getting old and are afraid of ending up alone. But this might of course, lead to cheating on the side. No matter how you look at it, there is low self-esteem involved, the inability to be alone, the need to be validated by another person, the idea that they don't feel any sense of worth alone, and the list goes on, you get the gist of it. Essentially, they don't know how to be happy, they keep looking for a quick fix. As far as the idea of their actions haunting them, I think it depends. But quite honestly, when a person is able to move on that quickly, when they've cheated and have someone all lined up, then no, I don't think they have so much as a backward glance -- unless and until, of course, that relationship falls flat. But no matter how you look at it, it's all about THEM. Always will be. So even when they move on, the goal is to find someone to be with, not necessarily to find the right person. Since they move on as fast as they do, they can't possibly have learned very much because when would they have had time to learn anything? Yes, it's easier to bounce than to deal with your emotions, but eventually, when you have all that emotional baggage to carry around, bouncing isn't really very easy, either. Maybe that's the ultimate payback. But that's not our problem, is it? Take care.
Author Movingthrough Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Hi MT, How are you? Nice to see you, especially since you seem to have put a lot of effort into healing from your breakup. My take on this is that people who run from one relationship to another, whether they have cheated or not, cannot be alone. Cannot be alone, and that means, in the case of my ex for example, for even one day. He went directly into a relationship with the first person who wanted him, and as my Mum said at the time, she could have been anyone, she was a warm body who showed interest in him. What is an epidemic isn't so much the relationship hopping itself, it's the ROOT CAUSE of the relationship hopping, which is the inability of so many people to be alone. It has become the worst societal taboo to be alone, and yes, it seems worse than ever, even for people in their twenties. I have also discussed this with a friend and we were in agreement that the stress put on being part of a "couple" has gone into overdrive. It's crazy shizz, you know? It really is as though we are DEvolving. It's as though any warm body is better than nobody, which is another way of saying that many people "settle" so after all the new shiny fun ends, and things go blah and the butterflies go away, it's time to leave for a new shiny penny. I do think this may ultimately end at some point in life when the person is scared to leave because they are getting old and are afraid of ending up alone. But this might of course, lead to cheating on the side. No matter how you look at it, there is low self-esteem involved, the inability to be alone, the need to be validated by another person, the idea that they don't feel any sense of worth alone, and the list goes on, you get the gist of it. Essentially, they don't know how to be happy, they keep looking for a quick fix. As far as the idea of their actions haunting them, I think it depends. But quite honestly, when a person is able to move on that quickly, when they've cheated and have someone all lined up, then no, I don't think they have so much as a backward glance -- unless and until, of course, that relationship falls flat. But no matter how you look at it, it's all about THEM. Always will be. So even when they move on, the goal is to find someone to be with, not necessarily to find the right person. Since they move on as fast as they do, they can't possibly have learned very much because when would they have had time to learn anything? Yes, it's easier to bounce than to deal with your emotions, but eventually, when you have all that emotional baggage to carry around, bouncing isn't really very easy, either. Maybe that's the ultimate payback. But that's not our problem, is it? Take care. Hey Graceful, good to hear from you again! Love your post, and i agree. As much as i hate to sound negative, i feel like every other day im having a discussion with someone about this topic. For some reason, a lot of old friends have popped back in my life even if its just for lunch, and every time we talk about whats been going on, it always involves a partner leaving or lying, cheating, then coming back begging even if its a year later. At first it brought out my feelings during my break up, which to be honest have almost gone away. I still have a few issues that linger, and when i was trying to explore them, these stories from other people kept coming up. On a personal level, i feel that what happened to me was almost text book for this type of person, but after making distance she would always find a way back at me, whehter it was by poking at a friend or trying to contact me. So i always knew there was some type of emotion she still felt for me. BUT the difference between then and now is i know the game and i dont play into it. While my ex seems to still be representation of 98% of what i want (that 2% is very important though), i dont think i could ever be with a person that has the triats of what we are discussing in the thread. To this day i still have people telling me to "be prepared" because the call is coming, the "i messed up" aka im lonely, is coming, but it doesnt matter at this point. I hate the fact that this is such a common thing, and i see it in my guy friends too. When they are out of a relationship they want in, but they jump too fast and spend most of the time complaining about it. I feel like after reading on here, and doing my own research, that a lot of realtionships are going on only because people are scared to be alone, and that to me is very sad.
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