P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Ive made many threads about this but it leaves me lying awake at night. As I've said before my girlfriend doesn't spend much time with me. She works from 9 to 6:30 but has to get up at 7 to make it to work.. So it's not like she has a crazy work schedule. She also has an activity on Thursday from 8:15-9:15. Lately it seems I'm having trouble getting quality time with her. Over the past month I've only spent 2 days a week with her twice. The rest it has been 1 day a week. The time we spend together when we do get together is minimal. Unless I go to her work she gets to her house at 8:00-8:30. By 11:17 she's trying to get me out of the house (I don't have a car she drives and it takes 30 minutes to drive to my house and back). One week I only saw her for 5 hours total. This week I saw her on Wednesday for around 4 hours.(one hour on the public transit) and today. I left my id at her house so she came and gave it to me after her kickboxing class. We talked for an hour and she left. My beef with this is I asked her when we'd meet next.. Her answer was next Monday. As far as I know her Friday is available, and her Saturday is too. She said she needed to catch up on sleep... Now when you read that you're probably thinking nope your girlfriend is not. Here is the part that throws me for a loop... She's very warm and affectionate. Always complementing me, snuggling and saying she loves me. It's hard for her to say goodbye, and we generally find it hard to leave each other. Another thing I'm considering is that she inherited her fathers behavior. He's anti-social and gets peopled out super easy. He will be grocery shopping and being in the presence of people will make him run to his car. When her friends come too often she gets frusterated. At night he'll lock himself in his room and read to escape interaction. My girlfriend straight up told me that she has some of that in her. Plus she lives with her dad.. (My house is not really an option.) Is she just not into me or is it just her personality mixed with the fact her dad can't stand to be around people to much?
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) How long have you been together? Have you had sex? What are your ages? Oh and do you have much contact in between seeing each other? Edited June 10, 2011 by Eternal Sunshine
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 You are still with her. You are quite dedicated. I love this girl with all of my heart. I've never felt this way about any other person.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 How long have you been together? Have you had sex? What are your ages? Oh and do you have much contact in between seeing each other? We've been together 6 (almost 7 months)We send around 10 text a day. I'm 20 she's 23, no we haven't had sex. The sex part is my doing.. I'm a virgin (so is she) and we're both afraid to have sex. We get naked infront of each other... I finger her and she gives me handjobs. Before we met she never even masturbated. (I don't do a good job at that). But the amount I see her is making me anxious and making me doubt whether she even cares about me.
Ouroboros Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I love this girl with all of my heart. I've never felt this way about any other person. You need to learn when to let go. That is the hardest lesson in the book of love. That lesson has far reaching implications outside of one's romantic life like the premature passing of one's child. Rosalia Lombardo is an extreme example of a father who couldn't let go. Love can be destructive.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Have you ever talked to her about it? Did you ever tell her that you need more time together? It seems like she is currently taking you for granted.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Have you ever talked to her about it? Did you ever tell her that you need more time together? It seems like she is currently taking you for granted. Yes.. But I botched the talk.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I don't think it's a lost cause. It seems like both of you lack relationship experience. You really need to be open with her and just tell her what you posted here. If she is into you, she will make an effort to change. Also, you should consider getting over your fear of sex. Girls emotionally bond through intercourse (it's biological) so it can only work to your advantage.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I don't think it's a lost cause. It seems like both of you lack relationship experience. You really need to be open with her and just tell her what you posted here. If she is into you, she will make an effort to change. Also, you should consider getting over your fear of sex. Girls emotionally bond through intercourse (it's biological) so it can only work to your advantage. I've been in a relationship before, albeit was a LDR. I was in it for 4 years so I have a little experience. I broke up with her because I didn't get to see her offen. Ironically I get a girl who lives 7 miles away and I don't get to spend much time with her. This is getting almost comical. Life has a way of squeezing the happiness out of everything... It just isn't fair... It just isn't fair.
Ouroboros Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Hopefully with time you'll learn not to be someone else's sucker.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Hopefully with time you'll learn not to be someone else's sucker. Really? This statement is pissing me off, you don't know me, you don't know the girls i was and am with.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 You need to speak up. You are obviously unhappy...it may give her the wake up call. Does she at least initiate texts?
northstar1 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 You need to talk to her asap and explain your feelings and what you are looking for in a relationship. She's not making you a priority it seems and it's not working for you. Talk to her (in person) and see how she responds. If she cares, she'll make more time, if she doesn't, you'll have your answer and can decide if you want to move on.
utterer of lies Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Really? This statement is pissing me off, you don't know me, you don't know the girls i was and am with. The only thing we know about you is that every week or so, you write a post on how little time your gf wants to spend with you, and lament your suffering.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 The only similarity is that you are both virgins. I think that is a good thing. She is not a slut and cheating on you-------------be thankful. Don't be needy. Women that take it slowly are way better at the end. Don't talk as if you know us, because you don't. Tell me would you be secure if you were treated like this? Would you be secure if your girlfriend chose sleep and Hulu over you? Don't act like you would because you wouldn't. The only thing that is just as bad as cheating is feeling like your love is unrequited, yet the person smiles when they see you, their eyes light up when they gaze at you, yet their actions say just the opposite.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 You need to speak up. You are obviously unhappy...it may give her the wake up call. Does she at least initiate texts? Yes she initiates text.
Ouroboros Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Really? This statement is pissing me off, you don't know me, you don't know the girls i was and am with. I have read your other posts and if I recall correctly your girlfriend isn't your only problem. You let others use you and have become everyone's doormat. You need to stop that but I doubt you'll be able to. One's personality isn't a spigot one can twist off. I have never known a giving person to become the opposite not even slightly.
Author P&R Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 If you are a fish and you have been surrounded by water all your life that is all you know. With all due respect--------------next to her you seem insecure, needy and clingy. These symptoms may feel natural to you because that is who you are. It feels natural to the fish to be in the water and it feels natural for you to be clingy.. I don't expect you to see yourself any differently. You need someone to point that out for you. Stop that ME, ME ME philosophy and go with the flow. I have a valid reason to feel like I do--- I feel our relationship has hit a concrete block. It's not progressing at all right now, and I know less about my girlfriends life than I did 2 months ago. It isn't about me, it's about "US" and there needs to be more of that. This is the main reason our relationship isn't progressing. The folks that take relationships at a fast pace often burn out quickly. Furthermore, your girl seems to value intercourse. This is something very special and that is why she is not allowing you to spend the night with her. She is a one of a kind woman and you should be thankful. She is a one of a kind women which is why I want to keep her around. We've never taken this relationship at a fast pace, it took us about 3 and half months to finally become "official". Now our relationship is definitely moving in the wrong direction, that is where the problem lies. If we were progressing I wouldn't have a problem. There is nothing more beautiful that two virgins discovering sex together. That is way more beautiful than dating a girl that sleeps with her dates on the 1st or second date when she is not emotionally involved. For the love of God! Be thankful you found her and discover each other slowly. Stop been clingy, that is not attractive to a woman. To be honest right now I could care less about sex. That is the last thing on my mind. Right now I just want to get this relationship heading the right direction. To me that is priority number 1... However Ocean Girl/ES could be right... Maybe sex would move this relationship in the right direction. Again I just don't know what to do about this issue. From your posts she works long hours. Do you have a job? She works your typical 8 hour day... She just gets up early so she can take a shower, get herself ready, etc, etc. Parking where she works is really expensive so she opts to take the bus instead. (Rant) Right now just to sum everything up I'm feeling frusterated... deprioritzed, and I'm questioning whether this girl even cares for me. That "I need Saturday for sleep" comment she made is what really sets me off. You don't need 24 hours of sleep... Last Saturday she said the same thing and when I asked how her day was she went into specifics about what she did... You want to know what she did? A whole lot of nothing. Another thing she does is always watch the clock. Whats more is on a work night she stayed up until 2 talking with her friend one night. She knew we were hanging out the next day and she was dead when I saw her. When I'm there she always keeps an eye on on the clock. I feel like I'm not wanted, I feel like I'm a burden and an obligation rather than a joy. I talked about this once and what she took away from it was "not to go more than 4 days without seeing me"....... When I said hey when do you want to hang out next? (fyi we only spent 1 day together this week) She said we could hang out Monday and Friday! Really? She made sure to count out exactly 4 days. I'm starting to get angry, really angry and I just need to vent hence this rant.
Nexus One Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 She works your typical 8 hour day... She just gets up early so she can take a shower, get herself ready, etc, etc. Parking where she works is really expensive so she opts to take the bus instead. (Rant) Right now just to sum everything up I'm feeling frusterated... deprioritzed, and I'm questioning whether this girl even cares for me. That "I need Saturday for sleep" comment she made is what really sets me off. You don't need 24 hours of sleep... Last Saturday she said the same thing and when I asked how her day was she went into specifics about what she did... You want to know what she did? A whole lot of nothing. Another thing she does is always watch the clock. Whats more is on a work night she stayed up until 2 talking with her friend one night. She knew we were hanging out the next day and she was dead when I saw her. When I'm there she always keeps an eye on on the clock. I feel like I'm not wanted, I feel like I'm a burden and an obligation rather than a joy. I talked about this once and what she took away from it was "not to go more than 4 days without seeing me"....... When I said hey when do you want to hang out next? (fyi we only spent 1 day together this week) She said we could hang out Monday and Friday! Really? She made sure to count out exactly 4 days. I'm starting to get angry, really angry and I just need to vent hence this rant. She needs to know the arguments you just mentioned. It would be interesting to hear her explanation for the things you mentioned. But whether or not you're going to ask her these things is up to you.
Shaun-Dro Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Ive made many threads about this but it leaves me lying awake at night. As I've said before my girlfriend doesn't spend much time with me. She works from 9 to 6:30 but has to get up at 7 to make it to work.. So it's not like she has a crazy work schedule. She also has an activity on Thursday from 8:15-9:15. Lately it seems I'm having trouble getting quality time with her. Over the past month I've only spent 2 days a week with her twice. The rest it has been 1 day a week. The time we spend together when we do get together is minimal. Unless I go to her work she gets to her house at 8:00-8:30. By 11:17 she's trying to get me out of the house (I don't have a car she drives and it takes 30 minutes to drive to my house and back). One week I only saw her for 5 hours total. This week I saw her on Wednesday for around 4 hours.(one hour on the public transit) and today. I left my id at her house so she came and gave it to me after her kickboxing class. We talked for an hour and she left. My beef with this is I asked her when we'd meet next.. Her answer was next Monday. As far as I know her Friday is available, and her Saturday is too. She said she needed to catch up on sleep... Now when you read that you're probably thinking nope your girlfriend is not. Here is the part that throws me for a loop... She's very warm and affectionate. Always complementing me, snuggling and saying she loves me. It's hard for her to say goodbye, and we generally find it hard to leave each other. Another thing I'm considering is that she inherited her fathers behavior. He's anti-social and gets peopled out super easy. He will be grocery shopping and being in the presence of people will make him run to his car. When her friends come too often she gets frusterated. At night he'll lock himself in his room and read to escape interaction. My girlfriend straight up told me that she has some of that in her. Plus she lives with her dad.. (My house is not really an option.) Is she just not into me or is it just her personality mixed with the fact her dad can't stand to be around people to much? Why are you so clingy? Seeing a woman once a week or 4-5 hours out of the day is too much time together. Don't you have other things to do besides wallowing over her?
snug.bunny Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 OP in an ideal world, how often would you like to spend time with your girlfriend?
Author P&R Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Why are you so clingy? Seeing a woman once a week or 4-5 hours out of the day is too much time together. Don't you have other things to do besides wallowing over her? Sometimes it's not even that. I'm wallowing because she's an amazing women and my relationship is going backwards.
Author P&R Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 OP in an ideal world, how often would you like to spend time with your girlfriend? I only want two days a week.... Two days a week, is that too much to ask?
snug.bunny Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I only want two days a week.... Two days a week, is that too much to ask? No, it's def not too much to ask.
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