3 days NC , she has now text and emailed me.... , what do i do????

[dreamscape123]

Rather than go into my situation again as on a previous thread, I will outline the basics quickly now.

 

Nearly 2 year relationship with my ex. I was her first love, along with everything that goes with that. We had a rocky last 2 months or so, where she believed that i was cheating. She works away for a few months at a time around the world, for work experience on her university course, and around 4 weeks ago, she ended it with me. Through a mutual facebook friend i found out she had started seeing someone else.. She had already deleted me so i didnt see for myself. i sent all the usual messages and emails begging her to think about things, ending up with her saying dont contact me again, i dont believe you..

 

I came onto this forum for advice and comfort with like minded people. The main advice was NC. Hard as it was i have managed 3 days. I woke this morning to a text. It said " i am so sorry"..

 

I logged onto my computer, and had recieved an email that was so long, that it took me 5 minutes to read. The basics are, she is so sorry for putting me through the hurt, she is in a mess too, she is sorry to have not trusted me. she loves me, she needs time, but feels like perhaps too much has been said to ever put things back to how they were and get back together.. She feels to guilty from where she knows how much she hurt me, and how she knows that i was an amazing , good person, and she cannot forgive herself for the mistakes she has just made.

 

That is the basics, she went into lots more detail. I know she does have lots in her life right now, with family problems, exams and her course, let alone this business between us...

 

Now my question is..... WHAT THE HELL DO I SAY OR DO? The truth is, i love her so much...and with love comes forgiveness... but dont want to push her away.....

 

guys please help.......

[LjHappyDays]

Hi,

 

Your are correct with love comes forgiveness. But can you imagine been back with her and not mentioning what happened the time you were apart?

 

If my ex asked for me back i would melt and say yes... But deep down i know i shouldnt he hurt me alot, although he didnt cheat its kind of the same as you, he was with another girl (im not sure if anything happened) im 19 hes 25 so were not just loved up teenagers.

 

This last week ive cried about it, laughed about it and then felt very very bitter about it. Think about how YOU felt when she started seeing someone else. Think about how much YOU wanted her back but she was with someone else.

 

Just dont let yourself get hurt.

 

At the end of the day look after number 1.

 

x

[dreamscape123]

LjHappyDays - Thanks, what you say does make sense. It is very hard.. I wrote a massive reply email, but then didnt send it..... The feelings of hurt were so bad... and like you said, it would always be on the back of my mind..... It is a hard one... Messed my mind and heart up even more than when there was NC at all.....

[Exit]

You should already know what to do. She asked for time. Honor that if you would like things to work out. Even if you don't want them to work out, time is still for the best. You need to do as much thinking as she does. Spend some time apart and figure out if you would really even want to continue with her. You don't have to send her a huge email in return. If anything I would just say "I agree, after everything that happened we should probably give each other some time to think" and that's it. Time is for the best, you don't want her coming back out of guilt or regret, the only thing that should bring two people back together is the realization that their love is worth fighting for. That can only happen after some of the recent wounds have started to heal, after some of the mistakes are truly forgiven. Everything is too fresh now and even if both of you wanted to get back together this instant it just wouldn't turn out well. Just start small, play it cool for a week, you'll survive.

[dreamscape123]

thanks EXIT, good points you made there. It also has occured to me, that she may even be trying to just make herself feel better about the guilt, and has no real regret about hurting me... Perhaps its just an attempt to make herself feel better....

[LjHappyDays]

Oh definately, when i speak to my ex to get clothes from his, i walk away thinkin why didnt i say this why didnt i do this? And thats what i dont want to feel at all.

 

The thing is your a guy and im a girl and youre showing me that guys do actually think about relationships.

 

You need to think about the long run. Are you going to get back together and be happy or are you going to get back together and be worrying its all going to happen again.

 

If my ex wants me back, i have to realise and remember how i feel now. My feelings are the most important. Not his.

 

Sorry isnt good enough sometimes - You may beleive it and by all means she will mean it, but just think she was seeing someone else, and maybe now its all gone to pot she wants you back because he isnt you and she clearly loves you.

 

Just dont rush back into anything, talk to her yes, and tell her how you felt, not so she can apologise but so she can realise what she put you through, describe how you have felt.

 

And if you really think you can give it another go then go ahead, but dont be walked all over. You dont deserve it.

[dreamscape123]

LjHappyDays - thanks, you have some very good points.. I am sure she is sorry , and feels guilty, and her rebound must have messed up, or she has now realised it was a mistake... I completely agree ....

 

But at the same time, she says she feels to upset about hurting me so much, and worried how she has caused me so much hurt , and that she cant be with me, as she cant ever put me through that again... or be with me knowing she caused all that hurt and pain...

 

As a bloke, i cant get my head round that.... A female veiw would be great on this point....

[LjHappyDays]

To Be honest - Say im her and done what she has done.

 

I would feel terrible - a new guy is just a mess about nothing compared to you at all. I would feel sorry for you for putting you through all this pain, and stop and think 'he didnt deserve this'.

 

BUT she is then saying she cant ever put you through that again... or be with you knowing she caused all that hurt and pain...

 

Is she maybe looking for forgiveness from you? So she feels better about hereself....? My ex hugged me a few days ago and said he was sorry - i said 'no youre not, youre saying sorry so your feel better , so you can clear your conscience'

 

Is she still with this other guy? If she is then im sorry to put it bluntly but she may only be saying sorry for herself to feel better.

 

But then she also may be saying it so your like 'no, no, i want you back we can make it work' Women like a chase and everything to be revolved around themselves (most of us do) its the attention we crave.

[dreamscape123]

LjHappyDays - yea you could be right, i am not sure if she is with him or not... She did say she needs to be on her own, so i am guessing not.. Its so confusing.....

[LjHappyDays]

Maybe thats it, maybe she does needs some time to herself and so do you.

 

you both need to figure out what you want, and you will make the right descion between you.

 

But dont jump into something just because your feeling you miss her etc now.... Just remember the way you have felt and been feeling now.

 

I do hope it all works out for you. You may not think so now but i went through a bad break up beforee this one and i was devestated then i found my recent ex who saved me.... But just didnt hold on, he let me fall but im getting back up there and you are too

[dreamscape123]

LjHappyDays - thanks for your kind words and input. Guess thats why i came onto this forum in the first place, good minded people.. thanks again.....

[LjHappyDays]

Absolutely. Im so glad i found this.

 

It seriously has helped me get my feelings out and hear other peoples stories and views.

 

"learn like you're going to live forever, live like you're going to die tomorrow"

[california15]

Don't reply right away if you feel like you want to reply. Wait a little bit, let the shock of getting an email from her cool off, as well as the feelings you got when you read it. Or write it now, and put it away for a few days and then go back and read it and decide if you still want to say it.

 

I think she may be trying to lessen her guilt of hurting you. I'm sure dumpers have their good and bad days and maybe she caved to apologize.

IMHO if she did not expressedly state in plain english, black and white, "I made a mistake. You're worth fighting for - What can I do to fix this so we can try again?" Or something to that effect, then I would not assume anything or read into anything.

 

I read somewhere they did a study about horiscopes and it was a while ago, but the results were something that people could read any horiscope, not just 'theirs' and relate it to their life, and make it be what they want it to be. [Not trying to offend anyone who believes in horiscopes] In the same way, I don't want you to read into this email and make it into what you want it to be. Take it at face value, and like I said, if she didn't say in black and white I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, then just becareful... and don't respond right away if you want to respond to her

[dreamscape123]

i agree caution is required for sure.....