Never-ending pain...

[RuinedLife]

Everyday I wake up with this horrible sense of dread.

 

I feel like I don't deserve to live anymore,

 

I don't want to die, I just don't want to live with this pain anymore. I know I deserve it, but it just sucks all my self worth and all the joy out of my life.

 

I have so many dark thoughts throughout the day, but they're always most instense in the morning.

 

I just feel like I have nothing to offer this world and I'm just hurting those around me. I still can't forgive myself for how I acted just before the break up and how I hurt myself and my ex so much. I know he'll never truly forgive me and I don't blame him. I hate myself so much.

 

Just venting and reaching out for help I guess. I wish I could just get over this and get on with my life. But I think about my ex constantly. Its like he exists in every brain cell of my mind.

 

If he had broken up with me and there had been no horrible argument initiated by me between us, then maybe I wouldn't feel so much shame and maybe I'd be able to handle it a little better. But I made such a fool or myself, telling him how insecure I felt and demanding that he understand. It is completely pathetic and I don't blame him for leaving me. I just love him so much and if he could forgive me and give me another chance then maybe I could forgive myself and give myself another chance.

 

But I'm starting to realise now, that is never likely to happen.

Edited June 10, 2011 by RuinedLife

[Exit]

We've all been there before, losing control of our decency during a breakup. I think the girl who dumped me a few years back got to see me punching myself in the face and crying LOL. You reacted on pure emotion, don't hate yourself for that.

 

There really is something about the morning that makes things worse. I have been going through this pattern for a few weeks now. I wake up, immediately remember what happened, my heart starts pounding, I feel like I should go try to see her, I pace around my apartment. Eventually I calm down. And then by evening time I'm totally fine, every night I go to bed feeling like I can get over her, feeling okay if we never speak again, and asking for a miracle that I can wake up in the morning and still feel the same way. But the morning panic always returns.

 

You will make it, I know it seems impossible, and I know when you are this deep into it, having people tell you that you will be okay doesn't help one bit, it's impossible to believe them. I've been there before so now I know I'm the one trying to reassure someone else when they think it will never happen. But it will. I am the weakest handler of breakups ever. I've pursued exes for months, I've wanted to die, I've driven past their houses like a creep to reassure myself that they are home, and even I get over it eventually.

 

My worst one was a few years ago, and it took me over a year to finally just stop caring about her. I didn't do anything special, I didn't take care of myself, I didn't focus on healing, I did everything wrong, and still some day my heart just didn't miss her anymore. And you would think knowing all of that would make future breakups easier, but no, when my most recent ex left me, I felt terrible again, I told myself I needed to just die, that I'd never get over her, even knowing that I've been through this all before.

 

Some people say time heals. Other people say you can't just wait around, you have to be proactive in your healing and do stuff to make yourself feel better. Both are somewhat true but I lean more towards time. It's just out of your control. You can be doing everything right, you can be going out with friends, you can be trying to date again, but if you still hurt over your ex, you just can't help it. Some day you will get there, and I wish there was something I could tell you about how to make that day come sooner.

[fofiffs]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a lot to offer. Just take it day by day. Just keep your head up and things will get better. I was in the same shoes two years ago thinking it will never get better, but hear I am doing much better two years later. You just have to stop blaming yourself start to think about your future. The past is past and theres nothing we can do to change it. What matters is how you can improve yourself and your well being.

[RuinedLife]

I've tried so hard to forgive myself for the emotional mistakes I made that triggered my break up and I've tried so hard to see things from different points of view.

 

And I can for awhile, but I always revert to blaming myself as I know although we had problems it was my actions that triggered the break up and if I'd been able to hide my emotions better, better manage them and just not contact my ex when I was so emotional then everything would be ok between us now. And he wouldn't think of me as a emotionally out of control insecure person as he must do now.

 

I guess I just don't want to admit that I am that emotional unstable insecure person. I want to be the sort of person who is laidback and takes situations in their stride and doesn't get overly emotional like this, but its a lie. A huge lie. Because its clear that I am anything but stable, that I am anything but secure, that I am that emotionally emotional out of control person I do not want to be. And when I let all my anxiety leak out in the way I did, that was the last straw for my ex.

 

At the time I felt somewhat justified in telling him how I felt and wanting him to understand, but I now realise that it was wrong of me. And I just wish I had never told him how I felt and never said that the relationship wouldn't work out if he couldn't understand how I felt. It was all emotionally driven, heat of the moment words, but they should have never been typed. And having that sort of an argument in an email only makes me more pathetic. Of course I offered my most heart-felt apologies afterwards, but it wasn't enough. The damage has been done and his perception of me has be irreversibly changed.

 

Its been 4 months now, and yet everything I did, all the events and messages leading to the break up and after the break up are crystal clear in my mind like it all happened yesterday.

 

And I'm certainly reacting as if it all happened yesterday. Haven't made any real healing progress it seems. Still use denial as my comfort blanket.

Edited June 10, 2011 by RuinedLife

[RuinedLife]

Seeing my therapist soon. Not sure exactly what to tell them, but my depression is so intense. Have no motivation to do anything anymore.

 

They're giving me new tablets to treat my anxiety but I feel its too late for all that. I've already lost what meant most to me and this deep depression and hopelessness has taken over my life now as if there is no point to anything anymore.

[Graceful]

Seeing my therapist soon. Not sure exactly what to tell them, but my depression is so intense. Have no motivation to do anything anymore.

 

They're giving me new tablets to treat my anxiety but I feel its too late for all that. I've already lost what meant most to me and this deep depression and hopelessness has taken over my life now as if there is no point to anything anymore.

 

Very good that you're seeing a therapist and taking meds. You need to be full on honest in your therapy sessions, hold nothing back. Go through every gory detail of what happened and let your therapist see the real you.

 

The breakup was a catalyst. Eventually, something or someone, some event, some situation, some conversation, was going to cause you to blow your cover. It was just a matter of time. It just happened to be your ex, what you said and did and the breakup that has put you over the edge.

 

You've been on the edge of a cliff for a long time from the sound of it, pretending to be something you are not. The sooner you come clean with yourself, determine the root cause of your insecurities, your anxiety, your low self-esteem, your co-dependence, all of it -- you are going to blame yourself needlessly.

 

What happened is the result of the fact you were hiding something from your ex -- who you really are -- and the stress of doing that ultimately got to you.

 

Instead of hating yourself for that, you need to understand it. You need to understand why you could not be yourself, why you didn't get help, why you saw yourself as weak ... all of it. You should not hate yourself at all.

 

You need to see that you can learn to "manage" your emotions and still be you. That you can learn to handle yourself, understand your "triggers" and when you feel yourself succumbing to emotions that are not healthy for you, mitigate them by having some "mental tools" to handle how you feel. It's a process for you to learn what sets you off.

 

We're not all wired to be laid back, you know. We're not all wired to be highly emotional, either. You'll probably never be laid back. So what? Just learn to love yourself as you are, learn to handle yourself by coming to a better understanding as to how that's done and you're going to feel a lot better and a lot more human. Take care, I'm very sorry to see how you are struggling, I really mean that. Sending love your way.

[The End]

My wife asked for a divorce almost a week ago...I am in the same boat as you. I gave her everything and lost myself while doing so. When you give someone everything you have and in return get nothing you try and try to get your partner to do the same thing. In my situation before I was married and we were courting I still did the things I loved but in the end I was using all of my energy and time trying to make her happy. I was to a point if she made me a cup of coffee it made my day. SAD....I did everything...cooked all meals, cleaned the house, washed the cloths....in hopes she would be the wife I always dreamed of.....I feel your pain. Now I am a 38 year old man with a hollow soul and have to start over from scratch. If you want to lean on each other my email address is [email protected] yourself again.....music, cooking & family.....

 

God Speed,

Craig Elder

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyday I wake up with this horrible sense of dread.

 

I feel like I don't deserve to live anymore,

 

I don't want to die, I just don't want to live with this pain anymore. I know I deserve it, but it just sucks all my self worth and all the joy out of my life.

 

I have so many dark thoughts throughout the day, but they're always most instense in the morning.

 

I just feel like I have nothing to offer this world and I'm just hurting those around me. I still can't forgive myself for how I acted just before the break up and how I hurt myself and my ex so much. I know he'll never truly forgive me and I don't blame him. I hate myself so much.

 

Just venting and reaching out for help I guess. I wish I could just get over this and get on with my life. But I think about my ex constantly. Its like he exists in every brain cell of my mind.

 

If he had broken up with me and there had been no horrible argument initiated by me between us, then maybe I wouldn't feel so much shame and maybe I'd be able to handle it a little better. But I made such a fool or myself, telling him how insecure I felt and demanding that he understand. It is completely pathetic and I don't blame him for leaving me. I just love him so much and if he could forgive me and give me another chance then maybe I could forgive myself and give myself another chance.

 

But I'm starting to realise now, that is never likely to happen.

[Karala]

Very good that you're seeing a therapist and taking meds. You need to be full on honest in your therapy sessions, hold nothing back. Go through every gory detail of what happened and let your therapist see the real you.

 

The breakup was a catalyst. Eventually, something or someone, some event, some situation, some conversation, was going to cause you to blow your cover. It was just a matter of time. It just happened to be your ex, what you said and did and the breakup that has put you over the edge.

 

You've been on the edge of a cliff for a long time from the sound of it, pretending to be something you are not. The sooner you come clean with yourself, determine the root cause of your insecurities, your anxiety, your low self-esteem, your co-dependence, all of it -- you are going to blame yourself needlessly.

 

What happened is the result of the fact you were hiding something from your ex -- who you really are -- and the stress of doing that ultimately got to you.

 

Instead of hating yourself for that, you need to understand it. You need to understand why you could not be yourself, why you didn't get help, why you saw yourself as weak ... all of it. You should not hate yourself at all.

 

You need to see that you can learn to "manage" your emotions and still be you. That you can learn to handle yourself, understand your "triggers" and when you feel yourself succumbing to emotions that are not healthy for you, mitigate them by having some "mental tools" to handle how you feel. It's a process for you to learn what sets you off.

 

We're not all wired to be laid back, you know. We're not all wired to be highly emotional, either. You'll probably never be laid back. So what? Just learn to love yourself as you are, learn to handle yourself by coming to a better understanding as to how that's done and you're going to feel a lot better and a lot more human. Take care, I'm very sorry to see how you are struggling, I really mean that. Sending love your way.

 

Great piece of advice!

 

I wish you would take the time to comment on my situation too, because I've been reading A LOT from this board and from you and your advice is very often top-notch :]

[Karala]

RuinedLife : I don't think you've made a post yet about the details of your breakup, maybe that would be an interesting thing to do? I for one would be curious to know more about it, and be better able to examine if your reasons for blaming yourself for it are that rightful after all. But maybe you don't want to go through the details, which I would totally understand.

[RuinedLife]

RuinedLife : I don't think you've made a post yet about the details of your breakup, maybe that would be an interesting thing to do? I for one would be curious to know more about it, and be better able to examine if your reasons for blaming yourself for it are that rightful after all. But maybe you don't want to go through the details, which I would totally understand.

 

I would go through all the details (I've told many people I've met online in depression chat rooms etc.) So its not that I'm shy about telling people. I guess I'm just worried that if I go through the exact details and my ex happens to stumble upon this site and reads my posts that the situation would be all too recognizable to him. I already worry that the details I've included in posts so far gives away who I am. And it does terrify me that he might, or heaven forbid, may already visit this site and recognize my story. Maybe I'm being paranoid, I don't know.

 

Also our break up situation has become/ was pretty complex.

 

I have made another vague generalized inquiry in the dating (jealousy) section of this site to try and get some feedback on whether or not my response to the "triggering" situation was justified. But its pointless really. Because I know I overreacted and as I didn't give full details again, obviously the feedback I've gotten (although some in my favor) doesn't really make me feel better as only I know the full truth. I've told many many people and most are either on my side or at least think I was right to tell my ex how I felt and not hide my feelings any longer. But it was the way in which I expressed my feelings that was so deleterious to the survival of my relationship. Pretty much killed it right there. And it is that which is the main source of my shame and self hatred.

 

Its definitely a very complicated situation though, so I'm sure even if I did share full details to the best of my recollection I'd miss out some key factor.

 

Basically my insecurities caused me to seek reassurance and when my ex accused me of being too insecure (fare enough) after seeking this assurance and refused to consider my feelings in future decisions, I got angry and sent an impulsive message telling him that things wouldn't work between us if he couldn't understand how I felt. Well, needless to say, he couldn't understand, he doesn't understand and he's had enough of me and my issues. There is blame on both sides due to poor communication for sure, but the blame mainly rests at my feet as it was my poor attempts at communication that triggered the break up.

Edited June 10, 2011 by RuinedLife

[Art_Critic]

Now I am a 38 year old man with a hollow soul and have to start over from scratch.

 

The End.. Sorry that you are going through this.. divorce is tough and divorce with kids, even if they aren't yours is tougher.

 

I went thru a divorce at the age of 39.. I was no longer a step dad as well..

Today.. I'm 48, married to a wonderful woman and the father of a 3 year old.

 

If your wife wants out and won't work on the marriage then let her out..

You need to work on yourself and not let this hurt your work.

Try and keep fit.. exercise and eat good as well as try and get a good nights sleep.

 

It's all a process and it takes a while to absorb it all and grieve.

 

Take care of yourself...

[RuinedLife]

My wife asked for a divorce almost a week ago...I am in the same boat as you. I gave her everything and lost myself while doing so. When you give someone everything you have and in return get nothing you try and try to get your partner to do the same thing. In my situation before I was married and we were courting I still did the things I loved but in the end I was using all of my energy and time trying to make her happy. I was to a point if she made me a cup of coffee it made my day. SAD....I did everything...cooked all meals, cleaned the house, washed the cloths....in hopes she would be the wife I always dreamed of.....I feel your pain. Now I am a 38 year old man with a hollow soul and have to start over from scratch. If you want to lean on each other my email address is [email protected] yourself again.....music, cooking & family.....

 

God Speed,

Craig Elder

 

Sorry to hear that you are going through such heartache too.

 

I can definitely relate to that "hollow soul" feeling.

 

I think thats classic co-dependent behavior trying to anything and everything you can to keep your relationship alive, investing all your self worth in a relationship and then losing all that self worth when it ends. I have that feeling of worthless now and its horrible. And mine is intensified by the guilt I feel for causing the break up.

[RuinedLife]

Very good that you're seeing a therapist and taking meds. You need to be full on honest in your therapy sessions, hold nothing back. Go through every gory detail of what happened and let your therapist see the real you.

 

The breakup was a catalyst. Eventually, something or someone, some event, some situation, some conversation, was going to cause you to blow your cover. It was just a matter of time. It just happened to be your ex, what you said and did and the breakup that has put you over the edge.

 

You've been on the edge of a cliff for a long time from the sound of it, pretending to be something you are not. The sooner you come clean with yourself, determine the root cause of your insecurities, your anxiety, your low self-esteem, your co-dependence, all of it -- you are going to blame yourself needlessly.

 

What happened is the result of the fact you were hiding something from your ex -- who you really are -- and the stress of doing that ultimately got to you.

 

Instead of hating yourself for that, you need to understand it. You need to understand why you could not be yourself, why you didn't get help, why you saw yourself as weak ... all of it. You should not hate yourself at all.

 

You need to see that you can learn to "manage" your emotions and still be you. That you can learn to handle yourself, understand your "triggers" and when you feel yourself succumbing to emotions that are not healthy for you, mitigate them by having some "mental tools" to handle how you feel. It's a process for you to learn what sets you off.

 

We're not all wired to be laid back, you know. We're not all wired to be highly emotional, either. You'll probably never be laid back. So what? Just learn to love yourself as you are, learn to handle yourself by coming to a better understanding as to how that's done and you're going to feel a lot better and a lot more human. Take care, I'm very sorry to see how you are struggling, I really mean that. Sending love your way.

 

Thanks for the love!! Means a lot!!

 

Yes I think you are completely right about me and my co-dependent behavior etc and that I need to determine the root cause of my insecurities in order to improve my self esteem, move forward and become a better more emotionally stable and secure person.

 

I am now down on the list to have cognitive behavioral therapy in 4 weeks time and a therapist has come to visit me every day to check on my mental state during this critical time and to give me new medicines which will helpfully stabilize my moods and neutralize my dark suicidal thoughts.

 

I am somewhat hopeful now that with these techniques I can slowly improve my outlook on life and develop better coping skills and social skills. In the mean time though I am still clinging tightly to denial as my security blanket.

 

I am very grateful for the supportive comments though! I feel so alone at the moment and just knowing people out there care means so much to me and gives me some extra strength to keep going and keep trying.

[Shadowburn]

We've all been there before, losing control of our decency during a breakup. I think the girl who dumped me a few years back got to see me punching myself in the face and crying LOL. You reacted on pure emotion, don't hate yourself for that.

 

There really is something about the morning that makes things worse. I have been going through this pattern for a few weeks now. I wake up, immediately remember what happened, my heart starts pounding, I feel like I should go try to see her, I pace around my apartment. Eventually I calm down. And then by evening time I'm totally fine, every night I go to bed feeling like I can get over her, feeling okay if we never speak again, and asking for a miracle that I can wake up in the morning and still feel the same way. But the morning panic always returns.

 

You will make it, I know it seems impossible, and I know when you are this deep into it, having people tell you that you will be okay doesn't help one bit, it's impossible to believe them. I've been there before so now I know I'm the one trying to reassure someone else when they think it will never happen. But it will. I am the weakest handler of breakups ever. I've pursued exes for months, I've wanted to die, I've driven past their houses like a creep to reassure myself that they are home, and even I get over it eventually.

 

My worst one was a few years ago, and it took me over a year to finally just stop caring about her. I didn't do anything special, I didn't take care of myself, I didn't focus on healing, I did everything wrong, and still some day my heart just didn't miss her anymore. And you would think knowing all of that would make future breakups easier, but no, when my most recent ex left me, I felt terrible again, I told myself I needed to just die, that I'd never get over her, even knowing that I've been through this all before.

 

Some people say time heals. Other people say you can't just wait around, you have to be proactive in your healing and do stuff to make yourself feel better. Both are somewhat true but I lean more towards time. It's just out of your control. You can be doing everything right, you can be going out with friends, you can be trying to date again, but if you still hurt over your ex, you just can't help it. Some day you will get there, and I wish there was something I could tell you about how to make that day come sooner.

 

Great post, thank you. I tend to agree with you on that only time will heal. I am doing everything that is in human power, trying to move on after 10 months apart. Have a great job, doing very well in school, live really busy and quite interesting life. Yet I can't forget my ex, I still love him and still hope one day he will be back. I don't plan on it, but emotionally I am so not over him. I've decided just to live like it is, trying to make best of what I've got and just patiently waiting for the day when I won't care anymore, but honestly, it's exhausting at times.

[RuinedLife]

....just patiently waiting for the day when I won't care anymore, but honestly, it's exhausting at times.

 

Me too. I'm shattered just waking up in the morning at the thought of another day without my ex and another day not being able to stop thinking about him.

 

I'm without him physically, but mentally I'm never without him

That is torture.

[Shadowburn]

Me too. I'm shattered just waking up in the morning at the thought of another day without my ex and another day not being able to stop thinking about him.

 

I'm without him physically, but mentally I'm never without him

That is torture.

 

Your posts are so sad to read:( How long you two have been broken up?

it gets better, I swear. In the early stages I felt just like you...just didn't want to face another day without him in it. Then I'd have some good days and would feel like there is a hope after all. Then darkness would come back and stay for weeks. Please hang in there xoxo

[RuinedLife]

Your posts are so sad to read:( How long you two have been broken up?

it gets better, I swear. In the early stages I felt just like you...just didn't want to face another day without him in it. Then I'd have some good days and would feel like there is a hope after all. Then darkness would come back and stay for weeks. Please hang in there xoxo

 

Over 4 months apart now

 

And I have no other friends. He was my best friend. And my physical illness limits my activity and makes it very difficult to go out and socialize so I'm literally stuck with my thoughts 24/7 pretty much.

 

And there has been no closure as he still has all my stuff at his house. Because haven't been well enough to see him and collect it. So this feeds my denial and keeps my break up wound open so I can rub lots of salt in there, pour in plenty of lemon juice and experience some real agony each day. Oh well, that is love I suppose.

Edited June 10, 2011 by RuinedLife

[RuinedLife]

I know I need to sleep now and I'll take sleeping tablets again. But reality is really starting to haunt my every move. I'm on new anti-anxiety meds which are making me feel a bit spaced and numb but the horror of my break up is still there and thoughts of my ex still plague my every turn.

 

If someone you love meets almost all of the criteria you have for an ideal partner and you know that there is unlikely to ever be anyone else who matches that criteria so closely what can you do?

 

I'm such a social phobe, such a hermit because of my illness, it seems like its going to be such a struggle for me to meet anyone else, let alone anyone who meets my criteria of an ideal partner as closely as my ex did. And I invested 3 years building up that relationship and getting to know that guy. Shy people like me can't just restart that process on a whim. I'm just too lazy to try again. I expended so much energy trying to get this relationship to work only to screw up and ruin it. Why keep trying to cultivate new relationships when that energy is likely just wasted on those who can not understand my warped way of thinking and out of control emotional mood swings.

[Karala]

I know I need to sleep now and I'll take sleeping tablets again. But reality is really starting to haunt my every move. I'm on new anti-anxiety meds which are making me feel a bit spaced and numb but the horror of my break up is still there and thoughts of my ex still plague my every turn.

 

If someone you love meets almost all of the criteria you have for an ideal partner and you know that there is unlikely to ever be anyone else who matches that criteria so closely what can you do?

 

I'm such a social phobe, such a hermit because of my illness, it seems like its going to be such a struggle for me to meet anyone else, let alone anyone who meets my criteria of an ideal partner as closely as my ex did. And I invested 3 years building up that relationship and getting to know that guy. Shy people like me can't just restart that process on a whim. I'm just too lazy to try again. I expended so much energy trying to get this relationship to work only to screw up and ruin it. Why keep trying to cultivate new relationships when that energy is likely just wasted on those who can not understand my warped way of thinking and out of control emotional mood swings.

 

Eerie how I could have written almost all of this.

 

My ex is the first person I ever envisioned marrying and having a life with. And I'm 30. That says a lot about the odds of me finding love again, in time to ever hope to realize my dream of settling down with someone and having a family (I mean someone I love deeply and have a real connection with, not just any guy I'd pull off the street)

And that's not even considering how traumatized I am about love and relationships because of this breakup. Even if I were to love someone again, I don't see how I could ever be open and trusting enough for it to even have a chance to work out.

 

Can you tell it's night time again and despair is clutching at my soul. lol. sort of.

[RuinedLife]

Eerie how I could have written almost all of this.

 

My ex is the first person I ever envisioned marrying and having a life with. And I'm 30. That says a lot about the odds of me finding love again, in time to ever hope to realize my dream of settling down with someone and having a family (I mean someone I love deeply and have a real connection with, not just any guy I'd pull off the street)

And that's not even considering how traumatized I am about love and relationships because of this breakup. Even if I were to love someone again, I don't see how I could ever be open and trusting enough for it to even have a chance to work out.

 

Can you tell it's night time again and despair is clutching at my soul. lol. sort of.

 

Mornings are the worst for me.

 

Can relate to everything you're saying, I'm just such a loner I only met my ex by pure chance. Doesn't seem likely that I'll meet anyone else who will come close to him.

[Shadowburn]

Mornings are the worst for me.

 

Can relate to everything you're saying, I'm just such a loner I only met my ex by pure chance. Doesn't seem likely that I'll meet anyone else who will come close to him.

 

Hope you're having a better day. Ty to do something nice for yourself:)

[RuinedLife]

Hope you're having a better day. Ty to do something nice for yourself:)

 

Been listening to a bit more music today and more funny youtube videos today. Which is a small step I know. But that has made it a slightly better day for me.

 

However, my thoughts are still very dark and denial still lurks in my mind.

 

Also I'm still terrified to check my emails and haven't checked them in over a week now despite my therapist insisting that I check them. I just don't want to face anymore heartbreaking realities of no responses or negative responses I know I'm pathetic

[Shadowburn]

Been listening to a bit more music today and more funny youtube videos today. Which is a small step I know. But that has made it a slightly better day for me.

 

However, my thoughts are still very dark and denial still lurks in my mind.

 

Also I'm still terrified to check my emails and haven't checked them in over a week now despite my therapist insisting that I check them. I just don't want to face anymore heartbreaking realities of no responses or negative responses I know I'm pathetic

 

Go ahead and check them. Then start writing a journal, exploring your feelings. Face your fears. Find the meaning in what you're going through. Do it..

[Karala]

s I know I'm pathetic

 

Geegirl will rightfully slap your fingers.

[RuinedLife]

Geegirl will rightfully slap your fingers.

 

Yeah.. Failed again.

 

I just... I'm going crazy I guess.

 

Maybe what I'm waiting for is the men in white coats to take me away. To be honest the moment I fell out with my ex and I thought it might be over I saw that as my only possible future. And I struggle on, but really that is how I see my future. Me tied to a chair in a circle with a load of other crazy types mumbling about how I feel before some nurse shoves 40 types of mood stabilizing tablets down my throat.