somedude81 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Seeing the thread about women being defenseless to charm, I quickly realized I have no idea what charm even is. I thought it would be be best to make my own thread and focus on what charm actually is. What are the things a man does and says that will make him charming, and will that make a woman more likely go out with him?
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Study George Clooney. He ooooooozes charm. Robert Redford and Brad Pitt (as much as I hate to admit it) have it too.
Author somedude81 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Thanks but do you have any examples of men who aren't known for being good looking? That way it's possible to tell if it's his charm or just his looks. It may be possible for for me to work on this, but I can never become better looking.
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 On second thought, I actually don't think a man can learn to be charming. I think it's innate...like a sense of humor.
runner Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 some of the traits i've noted with charming people (both men and women): approachable. disarming. engaging in conversation. well-spoken. well dressed. intelligent with a wide variety of interest. grounded. self-aware. good sense of humour. empathetic.
underpants Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Prince charming rule #1: Put the toilet seat down after using.
alexlakeman Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Prince charming rule #1: Put the toilet seat down after using. You have to charm her first to get her into your place
callingyouuu Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 The simplest way I can think of putting it is that they just have a strange ability to stay one step ahead of everyone else in their interactions with people. They can "sense" how the other person is feeling at the moment and push the right buttons to get you to feel really fluttery inside. Their intuition makes it hard for them to make a false move socially. It's why you usually get a sense of being swept off of your feet when you talk to someone who's charming... they just know how people tick. It also can be associated with sociopathy, as someone else mentioned, as you can imagine that this allows you to manipulate. Even so, perfect charm and sociopathy are pretty rare, so I wouldn't use that fear as a reason to not date someone who charms the socks (and maybe other clothing) off of you.
Janesays Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Something specifically that I find very charming is when you're walking through a crowd with a man and he holds your hand so you don't get separated. I don't know why, but that just always charms the heck out of me.
TheyCallMeBruce Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Humor and confidence. Even fake confidence will do. It's almost always worked for me.
Eeyore79 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 People who come across as charming are usually those who make you feel good about yourself. They're friendly and open, interested in you, remember things you've told them previously, offer sincere compliments, talk about things that interest you, and generally make you feel important and special. However they don't come across as weak, clingy, sucking up or lacking in confidence; they're nice to you simply because they like you, which in turn makes you feel good about yourself. Charming people are also usually well dressed, well spoken, and well behaved; they're kind, positive people who usually don't speak badly of anyone. In short, they come across as decent people, which is why their interest in you is flattering (if someone is obviously a loser, their interest in you isn't worth much, and may be more embarrassing than flattering). The feeling you get when talking to a charming person is "This person is interested in me and we have stuff in common - obviously I'm special, so because this person appreciates me and is a lot like me, then he must be special too."
fishtaco Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Beware of too much charm: Beware the techniques of the Sociopath Dr. Martha Stout, in her book 'The Sociopath Next Door', discusses the techniques of the sociopath - what she refers to as 'the tools of the trade'. The first technique she talks about is charm. Dr. Stout believes it is "a primary characteristic of sociopathy. The intense charm of people who have no conscience, a kind of inexplicable charisma, has been observed and commented on by countless victims, and by researchers who attempt to catalog the diagnostic signs of sociopathy. It is a potent characteristic". Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Paul Babiak talk about the role of charm during the interview process in their latest book "Snakes in Suits - When Psychopaths Go To Work". According to the book, "one of the most effective skills psychopaths use to get the trust of people is their ability to charm them. Some psychopaths lay the charm on too thick, coming across as glib, superficial, and unconvincing. Hower, the truly talented ones have raised their ability to charm people to that of an art, priding themselves on their ability to present a fictional self to others that is convincing, taken at face value, and difficult to penetrate". One must always keep in mind that the charm, like manipulation, can be very subtle. Seduction is another common technique of the sociopath. According to Dr. Stout "people without conscience have an uncanny sense of who will be vulnerable to a sexual overture". But seduction is not llimited to sexual relationships; sociopaths can and will seduce family, friends and colleagues with their acting skills. Sociopaths will seduce others for power, money, control and sex. This is talking about psychopaths, i.e. people with no conscience. Charm is simply a tool some of them use. But not all charming people are psychopaths, and not all psychopaths are charming. I don't see the relevance to this thread. If anything, this only proves the effectiveness of having charm, and only underlines the importance that one should learn to be charming. Even if being too charming will trigger the defensive response of some people, it's still better than not having enough charm.
daphne Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 approachable. disarming. engaging in conversation. These things usually work pretty well. If you have the confidence to look someone in the eyes and smile in an un self-conscious and disarming way, you can attract people quicker than any other pua technique. It's a mixture of: earnestness childishness happiness and vulnerability It helps to have a twinkle in your eye. This works on both men and women. If you must, think of Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall when he's in the fields and smiles at Julia Ormond. Now that I think about it, he did the same thing in Thelma and louise. Not that I'm a Pitt fan, but he does have this smile.
Author somedude81 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 So there are several things that keep poping up. It's being confident, happy, friendly and open. Having a nice warm smile is also really important. The simplest way I can think of putting it is that they just have a strange ability to stay one step ahead of everyone else in their interactions with people. They can "sense" how the other person is feeling at the moment and push the right buttons to get you to feel really fluttery inside. Their intuition makes it hard for them to make a false move socially. It's why you usually get a sense of being swept off of your feet when you talk to someone who's charming... they just know how people tick. This seems to be the real meat to it. It's knowing how people work and being able to push the right buttons. That feels like something that is really hard to learn. People who come across as charming are usually those who make you feel good about yourself. They're friendly and open, interested in you, remember things you've told them previously, offer sincere compliments, talk about things that interest you, and generally make you feel important and special. However they don't come across as weak, clingy, sucking up or lacking in confidence; they're nice to you simply because they like you, which in turn makes you feel good about yourself. Charming people are also usually well dressed, well spoken, and well behaved; they're kind, positive people who usually don't speak badly of anyone. In short, they come across as decent people, which is why their interest in you is flattering (if someone is obviously a loser, their interest in you isn't worth much, and may be more embarrassing than flattering). The feeling you get when talking to a charming person is "This person is interested in me and we have stuff in common - obviously I'm special, so because this person appreciates me and is a lot like me, then he must be special too." For some reason, this seems like the bare minimum to be a decent human being. Of course a lot of people don't act this way The complimenting thing and making people actually feel better about themselves is harder to do.
Nexus One Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Study George Clooney. He ooooooozes charm. I think many women will agree with you there, because he has said on record to have slept with THOUSANDS of women. He's a player, but many women think he's just a charmer.
PhillyDude Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 On second thought, I actually don't think a man can learn to be charming. I think it's innate...like a sense of humor. He can if he receives examples
Johnny85 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 George Clooney would not be considered charming if he looked like Danny Devito.
TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 George Clooney would not be considered charming if he looked like Danny Devito. Good point. Which is why George is so valued among women. He's attractive, has lots of big cars, and has a fat wallet. If he was poor, looked like Danny, and didn't drive, he would be seen as a creep or pervert for even looking at a girl.
Anxiety Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I would assume that every woman finds different traits charming. My exgf thought my nervous little laugh and me holding doors open for her on our first date was charming.
Sivok Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Charm is the ability to make people feel better about themselves when they're around you. It's addictive. Charisma is even harder to resist
Author somedude81 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 Are charisma and charm differing things?
cerridwen Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Humor, intelligence, modesty, good manners, and the ability to give compliments in a sincere way.
spiderowl Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) I would distinguish between false charm and genuine charm. False charm to me meaning that which is put on to get his own way but there is no genuine person behind it. I find genuine charm very interesting. The guys I have found most charming have been reasonably well dressed (i.e. not dirty or incongruous), thoughtful, considerate, humorous, nice-smelling, friendly, warm, hospitable, generous, sensitive, gentle, tactful, gracious, good mannered, inclusive, talented and intelligent. In contrast, the guys I have not found remotely charming have been: ill-mannered, thoughtless, bullying, goading, sneering, unpleasant smelling, unkempt in a filthy rather than casual or artistic way, suggestive, crude, drunk, scary, dominating, sly, overly personal, critical, mean, had too much facial hair which was unkempt, smoked, swore a lot, leering, snide, always talked and never listened, controlling. Yuk! Edited June 12, 2011 by spiderowl
cerridwen Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I think many women will agree with you there, because he has said on record to have slept with THOUSANDS of women. He's a player, but many women think he's just a charmer. I find him smarmy. And now, for sleeping with thousands of women, just gross. I'm sure he's heartbroken over my new opinion of him.
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