quietGuy13 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 So i went on a date today. We had long pauses where i had nothing to say. I tried, but i had nothing in my head and well i just looked down or something when in the pause. she salvaged it cause after a pause she would have some thing to say but still i felt like an a** because i couldn't have nothing. I mean when i started i had stuff to say but i ran out of stuff. Maybe cause we have not that much in common? She's younger than me, she's still a student, she's from a foreig country, the music she listens to is stuf that young people listen to and that i dont, etc etc. we have some similar hobbies etc though. So i don't think it's just that. I noticed though that perhaps one of the reason is that although she responded to my questions and elaborated.. once she ended, she diddn't ask questions herself.. she just also remained quiet..So i had to be the one that came up with the questions. ANd since i suck, it just felt like i had a lot long pauses.
USCGAviator Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I like to call those awkward timeouts Sometimes a short silence isn't a bad thing. Pause for a moment, take a drink and smile at her. Don't bash yourself. Even if you don't have much in common, use it as a tool for a future prospect. Take a challenging date like this and ask questions, tell stories, anything to grasp her interest and find common ground. Next time you find a woman your more compatible with, convo will be smooth like butter.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 For me, it usually means that there is no connection. Also, try to make a date sound like less of a Q and A session. Try to tell some amusing stories of what happened to you or your friends. She may then do the same. It just takes away the formal interview feeling.
Ouroboros Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Women from certain places in the world like some parts of Asia aren't very talkative around guys. You need to take into consideration not everyone is as gregarious as Westerners like Americans. It has nothing to do with compatibility. You shouldn't beat yourself up over a lacking discussion. Take pleasure in simply being in another's company. Try to adopt a more laid back disposition to dating. You are pushing yourself too hard. The conversation might not always flow but it doesn't have to. It isn't one person's sole role to stimulate it either. Amusing anecdotes from your life might be nice but aren't necessary. This isn't a job interviewer you are hoping to impress. This is someone you'd like to spend time around. All you have to ask yourself is if you want to continue being around her. If you didn't find her all that interesting then find someone else. She might not find you adequate and will not want further dates but that doesn't make you inadequate. There is no point in self-deprecation.
oaks Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 There's a fine line between an awkward silence and a comfortable pause, but don't feel like you're the one who has to fill every gap. You also need to give her a chance to shine. If you're always the one to start the conversation after a gap, or if both of you are stuck for something to say, then the date isn't going well.
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