spiderowl Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Wondering if you had any thoughts/advice on this situation? I met a guy at a party and got on really well with him. I got the impression we liked each other. I have since found out he is a long-term friend of a guy I know. The guy I know is a friend of mine who has asked me out a few times but I've declined, good humouredly. I'm really fond of this guy but not romantically and don't think he'd be right for me. If his friend asked me out though, I'd be interested in seeing where it went. So I think this is a difficult situation. I don't know if the guy I like knows his friend has asked me out a few times. I don't know if the friend has even considered the possibility that I might hit it off with his long-term friend. I'm not one for making the first move but, realistically, can anything happen here? Do guys talk to each other about women and would the new guy know about his old friend and me? Does that mean he would never ask me out for fear of upsetting his friend? Only today, my friend mentioned that he and the other guy (other guy being the one I've met most recently) go back a long way. Any thoughts?
neowulf Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 It really depends on the people involved and how 'grown up' they can be about the whole thing. I've seen examples of friendships being destroyed by this kind of arrangement. Where the people involved just can't move past the jealously. In other cases, people just shrug it off, put it down to being 'just one of those things' and get on with their lives. Honestly, it can go either way. You just have to decide if it's a road you want to walk.
Author spiderowl Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Thanks. It's a tough situation. Ideally, I'd have my friend's blessing and I'm sure he'd give it if asked. He is a generous guy who cares about me. However, if neither are aware of the other's situation, then who's going to do any asking? And would his old friend ask anyway? I can imagine if my female friend liked a guy and I did too, it would be really awkward and I'd be reluctant to encourage him knowing she was keen. I don't want anyone to get hurt but it seems unfair that the first guy I've been interested in for ages, and who seems pleased to see me again, is connected in this way.
thatone Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) men talk about women they got, they don't talk about the ones they didn't get to each other, generally. you might say all bragging and chest pounding. yes, we are a bunch of apes . Edited June 10, 2011 by thatone
Mimi99 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 If you and your friend are just Platonic friends now and you made it clear that you're not interested in him romantically, I don't think it would affect the second guy's interest in you. I think he would be even more interested knowing that his friend was once interested in you. your friend might not even mention it to him. Did you atleast exchange numbers? If you're good friends with the first guy then, tell him you like his friend. I don't know, that's what I would do. Don't let your friend get in the way, if you're really interested in this guy. Just something to ponder about. Take care.
carhill Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Any thoughts? Since he hasn't asked you on a date, leave it at that. If he does ask you on a date, and you go and find you really hit it off and he asks you out again, have a talk with him. At my age, if my best friend asked a lady out whom had shot me down (he won't; married 28 years) I'd say go get 'em; at least one of us might get laid. If the lady were a friend, I'd have processed all that romance stuff out and would cheer them on. If that lady had been my exW, I'd probably pull him aside and have a man-to-man about what he was getting himself into Life is short. Enjoy it.
Author spiderowl Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Good points! He hasn't asked me on a date. We've only met a couple of times and the second time the mutual friend was there in the middle of everything. I don't know if the new guy would want to ask me out even. I'm just wondering if he would if he knew about the situation with the mutual friend. I guess if he doesn't know, he might ... I know my friend would be generous but he would be hurt. Is there a tactful way to bring this subject up with the new guy if it looks like he might ask me out? Should I? Oh well, might never happen! Why am I worrying about this? Sorry, just realised I missed a question. No, we haven't exchanged numbers, hasn't been appropriate given the mixed company second time we met.
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