Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Humans are prone to anxiety. Honestly, I think at least 25% of the people I see day to day just walking around have major anxieties. And then another huge percentage have low-grade anxieties gnawing at them all the time, I'm sure. Woah, I really, really don't think that's true. While fleeting, low-grade anxiety isn't uncommon, this level of anxiety - "major anxiety" - or even constant anxiety absolutely has to be.
Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Another thing that makes me anxious is that bf told me earlier on that he seriously re-evaluates the relationship at 6 months mark. That's when he breaks up with a person if he doesn't see himself marrying her. The possibility that I will be dumped at that stage is very real He's already told you he imagines himself marrying you one day... I think you've already passed that evaluation.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 He's already told you he imagines himself marrying you one day... I think you've already passed that evaluation. Yes, but that was weeks ago. Who knows what he will feel later on.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Oh my boyfriend has a best friend that has moved to London a year ago for work. They still Skype every few days. This friend has recently added me on Facebook. He has just now sent me a message: "Hi ES, I am pleased to meet you if only through FB. You are the person that makes my best friend happiest he has ever been. You are the person that makes his face light up and smile from ear to ear every time he mentions your name. We spoke this morning and I just want to thank you for all the joy you brought to his life :)" OMG :love: Do guys even talk like this Bf is getting a few BJs tonight
P&R Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) Oh my boyfriend has a best friend that has moved to London a year ago for work. They still Skype every few days. This friend has recently added me on Facebook. He has just now sent me a message: "Hi ES, I am pleased to meet you if only through FB. You are the person that makes my best friend happiest he has ever been. You are the person that makes his face light up and smile from ear to ear every time he mentions your name. We spoke this morning and I just want to thank you for all the joy you brought to his life :)" OMG :love: Do guys even talk like this Bf is getting a few BJs tonight I think it's safe to say that your boyfriend isn't going to be dumping you at the 6 month mark. Edited June 11, 2011 by P&R
P&R Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Yeah, I think that so many people feel this way. Perhaps not to the extent I am, but it is quite common. When I talk to my friends in real life, none call me crazy over it and many are going through the same thing. The only difference in this relationship is that I was open with my boyfriend and told him that I am insecure and anxious and explained why (mainly due to past Rs where I was let down so many times). All those past guys seemed nice at first, only to turn around and lose interest or fade for unknown reasons. Another thing that makes me anxious is that bf told me earlier on that he seriously re-evaluates the relationship at 6 months mark. That's when he breaks up with a person if he doesn't see himself marrying her. The possibility that I will be dumped at that stage is very real Here is the difference between LS and real life. People come here to vent... sometimes they broach the same subject multiple times--- much like you and I. Why? Because it helps us deal with our problems. Your not crazy you are just venting... some people fail to recognize this.
Cracker Jack Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Yeah, it's pretty clear that you mean the world to him. I think that further supports this.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Here is the difference between LS and real life. People come here to vent... sometimes they broach the same subject multiple times--- much like you and I. Why? Because it helps us deal with our problems. Your not crazy you are just venting... some people fail to recognize this. That's right. There is much more to us than venting about love life problems. In real life, I perhaps spend about 10% of the time talking about this and that is only to a close friend and my mum. The others don't even hear about it. I think that there has to be a lot more to labeling someone as crazy than being insecure and anxious in personal relationships.
Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 ES, in alllllll of your threads about your BF, I have yet to read a description of how YOU actually feel about HIM. For the millionth time: Do you love him? If not, are you getting there? What is it about him that you like so much? I'm hoping it goes beyond how smitten he is with you...?
Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I think that there has to be a lot more to labeling someone as crazy than being insecure and anxious in personal relationships. Almost everyone can be anxious and insecure in their relationships at one point or another. But let's all be honest here. You take it to a whole other level...
DreamerGirl27 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 marry him? I know, doesn't solve the problem of wondering if you're gonna lose him before that happens.
Ms. Joolie Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 The uncertainty about the future has been a huge issue in my dating life. I got quite good at dealing with it. Because, honestly, we don't know the future. Period. There is uncertainty about the future in everything. We all have our ways of coping with that. Beyond coping, there is actually a way to live your life fully now and in the present moment. Peace, joy, happiness and love are always available now. So when you begin to fill yourself up with life in the moment, and know you always have access to your best life now, the uncertainty and anxiety about the future disappears. The only certainty in my life is grounded in my present moment. But what do you do in regards to a romantic relationship, when two people are involved in the creation of that kind of certainty? In my dating life, there was never a future in the romantic relationship. I actually would live the relationship day to day and week by week. The future of the relationship depended on what we wanted for it, what we planned for it - and that was a weekly thing, with the occasional plans for upcoming months - just like any other romantic relationship. I personally took it for granted that that was all I had. I enjoyed it like that but at the same time it began to not work for my life. There was a certainty I needed in who I was going to be in his life, and who he was going to be in my life. Well, many, many months down the line we are engaged, so that's how it worked out for us. That's how it has worked in my life. The certainty in my romantic relationship comes from who we are for each other - now.
heartbrokengrl Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I feel you ES. I've been in relationships before, but the one I'm in now (5 months) I feel anxiety everyday. Some days are better than others and of course I never show my anxieties to my boyfriend because I don't want to come off insecure or turn him off so I come on here to read, i dunno how it helps but it does. I read your posts sometimes and I can understand where you're coming from. I've never felt so unsure about my future with a boyfriend than I have with this one. He hasn't told me he loves me but I'm not waiting for it anymore, I just stopped and tried to convince myself that everything is fine, it's all in my head. How do you cope with this? Or if anybody else can help, how can I get these anxious thoughts out of my mind? Sometimes I think he'll get bored of me, or he'll meet someone new, or realize he can't love me or maybe sees no future with me. It sucks! I dunno how it got to this point, it's almost emotionally exhausting just thinking about it. I guess I can't really help, I'm just interested in what other people have to give for advice. best of luck to both of us!
Ariadne Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) Hey, I went to the Daily Bible Verse today and found this and thought of you: There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. 1 John 4:18 (Read all of 1 John 4) Hope things are going well with you. Edited June 12, 2011 by Ariadne
thatone Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 ES, in alllllll of your threads about your BF, I have yet to read a description of how YOU actually feel about HIM. For the millionth time: Do you love him? If not, are you getting there? What is it about him that you like so much? I'm hoping it goes beyond how smitten he is with you...? when does she have time to figure out what she thinks of him? she spends all her waking hours thinking about herself.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2011 Author Posted June 12, 2011 How do I feel about him? I can honestly say that I have never felt this level of emotional intimacy with anyone else. I love who he is as person and at the core. I love how we can talk for hours and never run out of things to say. I didn't feel this strongly about him at the start. He is an amazing man and I can honestly say that I love him. I almost said it yesterday. I have just spent the weekend with him. We only slept for 2 hours between Sat and Sun night. It wasn't only because of sex. We talked. He finally told me all about his past relationships and why they ended. He told me how he has only had 2 sexual partners and 2 relationships (I am the third). He told me how he has never been able to have sex without emotions and he has been made fun of because of this. He also said that what we have is much stronger than what he had with either of those girls. I told him that I absolutely love that he hasn't slept with million girls and it makes me feel special. How everything he has said makes me like him even more. He had a few tears in his eyes as I was saying this He told me how he loves that I am so emotional and a bit eccentric. We watched sunrise together. I feel like those conversations in bed are when we connect the best. I asked if I can take home his jumper as I love to wear it because it smells of him. He asked me to stay with him during work week as my work is closer from his place anyway. I will probably stay with him from Wed-Fri. It has never been like this for me. I would be absolutely shattered if I lost him
anne1707 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 ES This man is doing everything right. Your fears are based on your own issues and not anything he is doing/not doing/saying/not saying. Maybe you should start to believe in him and that he not about to let you go. To have a full relationship, you need to give it your all too
Star Gazer Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 How do I feel about him? I can honestly say that I have never felt this level of emotional intimacy with anyone else. I love who he is as person and at the core. I love how we can talk for hours and never run out of things to say. I didn't feel this strongly about him at the start. He is an amazing man and I can honestly say that I love him. I almost said it yesterday. I have just spent the weekend with him. We only slept for 2 hours between Sat and Sun night. It wasn't only because of sex. We talked. He finally told me all about his past relationships and why they ended. He told me how he has only had 2 sexual partners and 2 relationships (I am the third). He told me how he has never been able to have sex without emotions and he has been made fun of because of this. He also said that what we have is much stronger than what he had with either of those girls. I told him that I absolutely love that he hasn't slept with million girls and it makes me feel special. How everything he has said makes me like him even more. He had a few tears in his eyes as I was saying this He told me how he loves that I am so emotional and a bit eccentric. We watched sunrise together. I feel like those conversations in bed are when we connect the best. I asked if I can take home his jumper as I love to wear it because it smells of him. He asked me to stay with him during work week as my work is closer from his place anyway. I will probably stay with him from Wed-Fri. It has never been like this for me. I would be absolutely shattered if I lost him That's all lovely, ES. But... What is it about him, at his core, that you love (and later say "like") so much? Yet again, it sounds like you're smitten with him because of how smitten he is with you, not because of who he is. I hope I'm wrong, because as Anne said, he sounds fabulous. Put the work in, and you'll reap the rewards...
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