mrniceguy1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I'm not at all a jealous person but have been dealt a weird circumstance with with my current girlfriend. About three months into our relationship I grew suspicious about a person that she was speaking with quite a bit via text message in her phone. She said it was a female friend let's just her name was "Jenn". It was funny because I had never met Jenn before. One night we're at the movies and Jenn texts her asking her if she wants to go out to the club. She tells "Jenn" she is at the movies with me. Jenn answers "hope its fun" which seemed kind of weird and almost jealous or something. So I decide to ask more about Jenn and she tells me she met her through work. Now my g/f works as a manager for a clothing chain store which is popular here in the states. So "Jenn" works at a different mal but for the same companyl. So I call that store and ask for "Jenn" they say sorry but no "Jenn" works here. Now up to this point my G/F has been very jealous with me which I thought was awkward. 1 example of many would be calling me late at night to see if I was really home. Okay now I confront my girlfriend and she is stuck and shocked. She says okay Jenn is just a guy friend with whom she went on a date with before but they are just friends now nothing else. She hid him as a girl in her phone because she was scared and didnt want to create any problems between her and I. (up to this point I never acted 1 bit jealous with her so I felt there was no reason to hide this. all though her past b/f was abusive and very jealous and controlling so i tried giving her the benefit of the doubt. her ex even facebooked me telling me to watch out for her that she is a cheater). She tells me Jenn is really a guy named John. I try to get as much info about this John guy and she keeps it really brief. As a matter of fact a couple of times the info she gave me about John didn't match up. Such as his age (she gave me 2 different ages) and what city he lived in (she gave me 2 different cities). Also never giving me a last name or anything more than that. It's like she was keeping everything about him a secret and said she doesn't talk to him anymore and it doesn't matter about him This is all the info I have, I have no proof of her cheating, I'm not a nosey person so I never read any of their text messages since I only happened to glance and see the one in the movies that day. So I have no other information on the guy. Fast forward two weeks ago. I'm visiting my g/f at her workplace, but sitting across the store talking to one of her co-workers. A guy comes walking in and really loud calls out my gf's name as he knows her as he's going up to the register with some clothes. I figure nothing about it but as I'm listening to him talk he's inviting her to a party he's throwing that night and she says no sorry I can't go and he keeps insisting inviting her and she keeps saying sorry no I cant go. So she tells me after work oh yeah that guy who came up to the register is just a regular customer who works for a baseball team that lives around here. I acted as if I didn't even hear anything he said and said I didn't even see him walk in the store. Fast forward 2 days ago. She goes oh that guy who works for a baseball team JOHN offered me free tickets to the game since I gave him a good discount today. Now I put 2 and 2 together and I know John is a common name but I ask her is this John the same John you were hiding in your phone. At first she says leave me alone very angry. Then she's telling me it's not the same John and there's nothing with her and this guy and that the John who was Jenn in her phone is a different person. So she shows me a text from him asking her full name so he can tell the guy at the box office who to leave the tickets for. So by then I'm guessing maybe this isn't the same John especially if he doesn't know her full name. I'm sure if he'd been talking to her secretly all those months he'd know her full name I'm guessing. So now I feel bad having kind of accusing her that this was the same guy. And trust me I'm not the jealous type at all and I really love this girl but the fact there is no closure on this John person it really bothers me and drives me crazy sometimes thinking why the heck did she hide this guy in the phone from me and lie to me if she said she loved me. So she says now either I stop bringing up this John guy because she isn't telling me anymore info about him or else we're going to have big problems and I need to get over it because I'm starting to remind her of her ex. How the heck do I get over it? I'll go weeks, months without letting it bother me but sometime I think about it out of the blue and gets me sad and I feel funny about her. Thanks for all the help.
itteloc Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 This is a tough call. I don't know her but I think what she did to you hiding this guys number under a girls name was wrong. You took her back for whatever reason so deep down I assume you don't think she really cheated on you with him. If she doesn't want to talk about it that is going to make it tough to get the closure you want. It does seem odd that both guys names are John but that could be a coincidence since it is a pretty common name.
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Not to be rude, but if I was gambling man I would put even money on John #1 having b@nged your gf at some point in the recent past.
itteloc Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Not to be rude, but if I was gambling man I would put even money on John #1 having b@nged your gf at some point in the recent past. I agree with that 100%. Million dollar question is what she banging him while they were together?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Now up to this point my G/F has been very jealous with me which I thought was awkward. 1 example of many would be calling me late at night to see if I was really home. This was a huge red flag. People who are overly jealous and, without reasonable justification, suspicious of their partners cheating are usually projecting. They suspect that everyone else is just like them.
Author mrniceguy1 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I appreciate all of your views and insight!
crazyd Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I concur with the posters that answered you so far mrniceguy. If I were in your shoes, I'd be VERY concerned that she's sneaking around behind your back. Perhaps she isn't, but something isn't adding up from your story. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be too communicative with you, which she needs to be. The best way to move beyond this is to dump her if this keeps up. You don't deserve to be in a relationship in which you worry that there may be someone else on the side.
Author mrniceguy1 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 I concur with the posters that answered you so far mrniceguy. If I were in your shoes, I'd be VERY concerned that she's sneaking around behind your back. Perhaps she isn't, but something isn't adding up from your story. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be too communicative with you, which she needs to be. The best way to move beyond this is to dump her if this keeps up. You don't deserve to be in a relationship in which you worry that there may be someone else on the side. Hey thanks for the comments. To clarify it isn't going on anymore. This happened like 8 or 9 months ago. But I agree she doesn't want to communicate about it at all. She is all about getting past it by not bringing it up.
Author mrniceguy1 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Was wondering if anyone else had an opinion on this? As many as possible would help me! Huge thanks!
rafallus Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Even if nothing has really happened between them, there is a red flag to me, it's incredibly disrespectful if she hides crap from you and pressures you. So she says now either I stop bringing up this John guy because she isn't telling me anymore info about him or else we're going to have big problems and I need to get over it because I'm starting to remind her of her ex. Doesn't sound like a loving gf to me at all.
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