NYGuy11 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hi all, I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months now. This is my first real relationship and it is her second. She dated this guy in high school for about 2 years, sometimes on and off. They both ended up going to the same college (my college) and even lived in the same building. They eventually broke it off for good around December. I know that they fought a lot throughout their relationship and that he mentally abused her on a number of occasions. I started going out with her around March and we now both mutually love each other. The problem starts with her not sleeping well. I finally got through to her last night and she said she has dreams about him that seem extremely real. She goes on to say that she still thinks about him everyday, no matter how hard she tries not to. She thought she was truly over him, but now realizes shes really not. She says this is not fair to me and that I am great and that I don't deserve this. She suggested we take a break for a little while. I said that she knows how bad this guy was for her, and that I hope she realizes this. I wanna be there for her to help her through this, but I am unsure how to approach this. I really do love her and don't want to lose her...
vsmini Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 I wanna be there for her to help her through this, but I am unsure how to approach this. I really do love her and don't want to lose her... You kind of already have. The best thing you can do in order to move on and even potentially (very small chance) get her back is to step away respectfully and go No Contact. No begging or pleading or trying to convince her that she is making the wrong move.
spiderowl Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I hate to say this but I think she has realised that although she thinks the world of you, you are not the one for her. She is separating herself off from this relationship. She's warning you of the imminent separation in several ways: by letting you know that someone else is seriously occupying her thoughts; that she thought she could be with you (had got over him) but now knows she hasn't; by suggesting a break. The break is an instinctive way of giving oneself space to find out how she feels not being in a relationship with you. In my experience, it's not a good sign. Something is causing her to drive you away and it may well not be the ex, but just that she doesn't feel as strongly about you as she wishes. I hope it works out but I do feel for you because I've been there and it's the worst feeling in the world. If my experience is anything to go by, don't wait around if she wants a break, just tell her it's over. My guy said he needed a break to 'think' and he took over a week then told me it wasn't for him. That week was hell and I'll never let anyone do that to me again. If they ever ask for a break, they'll get one!
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